


Abandoned Hope

by Jld71



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bottom Dean Winchester, Childbirth, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mpreg, Sibling Incest, Top Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 13:53:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 51,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17829800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jld71/pseuds/Jld71
Summary: Dean discovers something shocking about himself. A misunderstanding happens between himself and Sam, seeming to devastate Dean. Without seeing a way around the situation, Dean leaves Sam without a word. Can Dean deal with everything on his own?





	1. Revelations

**Author's Note:**

> Do Not Re-Post Without My Written Permission - Only To Be Posted On My AO3 Or LiveJournal Accounts.
> 
> Written for the Dean Winchester Big Bang Challenge 2018/2019.  
> Artist: be_my_precious  
> https://gotaprettymouth.livejournal.com/867727.html  
> Beta: yonkyu

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Dean,” the voice called to him. He heard it through the fuzziness in his head. Right now, it was hard to concentrate on anything, except the desire to heave his guts up. 

 

“Dean.,” the voice called more insistently this time. He knew the voice, but he was having a hard time placing it. It sounded like it cared about him, was worried for him. He was about to answer when he was overcome with the desire to lean over the toilet and toss up the contents of his stomach. He wasn’t sure what else there was in his stomach since he’d been at this for a while. Surely, his stomach was empty by now!

 

He heaved again and then flushed the toilet. He felt sweat beading against his forehead and dampening his shirt. Christ, he was a mess and . . . Dry heaved. He wasn’t sure which was worse, throwing up or the dry heaves. He heaved again, and decided it was definitely the dry heaves. They hurt like a sonofabitch! 

 

“Dean?” the voice asked from behind him. He felt a hand on his back.

 

“You’re sick,” the voice said matter-of-factly. Sam, that’s right. The voice belonged to Sam and evidently, nothing got past his brother.

 

“I’m okay,” Dean said as he pushed himself away from the toilet and slowly rose to his feet. He felt like shit. He swallowed and tasted bile. He felt his stomach lurch, but thankfully his actual stomach stayed where it was in his body. He was pretty sure if he did throw up right now, it would be his stomach since it was empty. He turned, grabbed his toothbrush, toothpaste and carefully brushed, praying this action wouldn’t make him gag. He splashed some cold water on his face before turning back to Sam. He saw the look of concern in Sam’s eyes and groaned before he could stop himself.

 

“You don’t look okay. You’re pale and clammy. You’ve been throwing up for a couple of days now. Don’t you think you should see a doctor?” Sam asked, knowing what Dean’s reaction would most likely be. Dean hated doctors, he hated hospitals even more and balked at the mere thought of stepping foot into one or seeing a doctor if it didn’t have to do with a case they were working on. 

 

“It’s probably food poisoning,” he said as he looked at Sam. He saw the look of disbelief in his brother’s face. “Okay, maybe the flu. It’s nothing. I’ll be fine.” He turned away from Sam, not wanting to continue this line of conversation. He just wanted a cup of coffee. He felt his stomach flop around at that thought. He put his hand to his mouth, hoping that he wasn’t about throw up again. 

 

“I know how you feel about doctors, but this has gone on long enough. Just get yourself checked out. I’m worried about you,” Sam pleaded.

 

All Dean could do was nod his head. Even that motion had him feeling nauseous. “I’m gonna go lay down for awhile.” He raised his hand at the beginning of Sam’s protest, stopping Sam from voicing his concern. “If I still feel like this when I get up, I’ll think about being seen. Maybe,” he called over his shoulder as he stepped out of the bathroom and into the small motel room they were crashing in. As he lay on the bed, he felt his stomach tightening and he groaned, not again, please not again, he thought to himself. This time, his stomach decided to place nice with him and he drifted off to sleep with the thought that he really needed to be seen by a doctor. 

 

Three hours later, Dean cracked an eye open to find Sam sitting on the other full-size bed in their room. He snorted at the sight. They hadn’t slept apart in over five months now. So, seeing Sam on that bed was a little out of character for him now. Well, for both of them really. Usually, they crawled into bed together, wrapped their limbs around each other and slept. Or, didn’t, depending on how tired they were. They had come to the realization those few months ago that they were more than just brothers. It just felt natural, the two of them being together, being lovers. 

 

It had started off with a few tentative kisses. They had just come back from a hunt. Both of them had been too keyed up to sleep and had decided to grab a bite to eat after returning to the motel they had been staying at. Dean had just shut and locked the door to the room when he turned to find Sam not more than a foot away from him. He stood there, looking up at his younger brother. He felt his face heat up at the look on Sam’s face. Sam looked like he wanted to devour him. The look had heat pooling in the pit of Dean’s stomach. He’d never seen that look on Sam’s face before and certainly never directed at him; lust, desire, want. He raised his hand to the back of his head and rubbed at the base of his skull. He always found himself doing that when he was nervous. His eyes darted around the room, trying to figure out what was going on, especially with his brother. Taking a deep breath, he was the first to break the silence the room was blanketed in.

 

“Sam . . .” 

 

Sam had been the one to make the first move. He leaned into Dean, pressed his body up against Dean and kissed him. When Sam pulled away, his eyes were hooded with desire, but then something changed in him. It was like he realized that what he’d just done was wrong; they were brothers. When Dean hadn’t decked him, he leaned in again and kissed Dean, this time pressing Dean against the wall. “Been wanting to do that for so fucking long,” he murmured against Dean’s lips. “Always wondered what it would be like to kiss you. What it would be like to taste you,” he said as he nipped at Dean’s bottom lip. “Want me to stop?” he purred into Dean’s ear. “Tell me and I will. I’ll never do it again. I’ll lock this a way again like I have for so long. We’ll go back to just being brothers, like this never happened,” he said as he pressed his lips to the column of Dean’s neck. He felt Dean’s muscles working as he swallowed, as Dean tried to form words, as he tried to answer. Finally, he heard what he’d been hoping to hear from Dean.

 

“Don’t stop,” Dean rasped out. Dean let out a moan as Sam attacked his neck, biting, licking and kissing along the exposed flesh. He brought his hands up to Sam’s shoulders pulling him in closer before entangling his fingers in Sam’s hair. “Wanted you for so long. I just never thought you felt the same way.” He heard a soft laugh from Sam as he kissed him back. He trailed kisses along Sam’s jawline before licking into Sam’s mouth. The kisses were full of longing and desire, passion spilling over for each other 

 

They hadn’t slept together that first night. It was too new, too uncertain. They wanted to be careful, they needed to be sure that they both wanted this, what each was offering to the other, because once that offer was accepted, they would never be able to go back to what they had been; just brothers. Once they had been sure that they truly wanted to be more than just brother, they had thrown themselves into this new relationship, throwing caution to the wind. They were happier for it, more content then they had been in, well, in forever. It was like coming home, like they were finally whole, one body, one soul.

 

Dean woke with a smile on his face, the memory of that first night still fresh in his mind from his dream. He finally had what he’d desired the most, Sam. And, as it had turned out, Sam had wanted him all along. They’d just been to scared to admit it to themselves, let alone each other. Now, they were a couple to those who didn’t know them. To those who did know them, they were just the Winchester brothers; they were cautious and careful in their actions, their touches and their words to each other. The last thing they wanted to do was draw attention to themselves and what they now were to each other.  

 

Cautiously, Dean sat up. He took in a few breaths before trying to stand, all the while knowing Sam was watching him. He felt dizzy and hungry. He wanted food, he needed coffee. “I’m gonna get something to eat. I’m starving. You coming?” 

 

Sam eyed him in disbelief. He shook his head no. “I’m good. I still think you should see a doctor.” He lowered his head back to his laptop, burying himself in what he had been working on. 

 

“I’m fine,” Dean growled out at Sam and rolled his eyes in annoyance. “Just drop it, will ya!” Dean grunted over his shoulder as he grabbed his jacket and left the motel room in search of a place to grab a bite to eat. He opted not to stop at the diner next to the motel. He needed to drive and clear his mind. He pulled the Impala into a strip mall and looked around. There were a few stores, two restaurants, a children’s play place bosting bouncy houses and a health clinic. Because, of course there would be one here since he had no intention of going in to be seen. With a heavy sigh, he got out and made his way over to the first restaurant. It was one in a chain of restaurants he and Sam had stopped at before. As he got closer to the door and smelled the scent of cooking meat in the air, he doubled over and threw up. When he was done, he was pretty sure he was now missing a piece of his stomach - that was the only thing he could think of that was left to throw up. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he grudgenling turned around and forced himself to walk to the clinic. If Sam found out, he’d never hear the end of it. He gave a heavy sigh as he reached for the door, grabbed the handle and yanked the door open. He was hit with the smell of antiseptic and felt his stomach roil. He closed his eyes and prayed, yes he actually prayed, that his stomach stayed where it was. He was pretty sure if he did throw up, he’d find himself strapped to a gurney, on route to a hospital. He forced himself to breath through his mouth so the smell wouldn’t affect him as much.

 

As he entered the clinic, a young woman dressed in brightly colored scrubs greeted him. He wanted to moan in frustration at the outfit, the brightness of the colors hurt his eyes and the cheerful greeting grated on his already frayed nerves. 

 

“I’m Angie, how can I help you today?” she asked, flashing him a bright smile.

 

He bit his tongue at the first response he wanted to shout at her, the ‘I’m fucking sick, figure out what’s wrong with me, now!’ response was on the tip of his tongue. He reined in his agitation and managed to get out, “Haven’t been feeling well, been throwing up. I think it’s something I ate,” he grumbled out to her. 

 

She handed him a clipboard and a new patient form to fill out. “Why don’t you take a seat, fill this out and let me know when you’re done.” She motioned to an empty chair before disappearing on him. 

 

He sat and began to fill out the paperwork. He was lost in what he was doing and never heard the nurse speaking to him. He startled when he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

 

“The doctor is ready for you. You can finish that later,” Angie said as she motioned for him to follow her through a door. She led him down a hallway to the last door on the right and opened the door to reveal an examination room. “Have a seat, I’m just going to take your vitals before the doctor comes in,” she said as she produced a blood pressure cuff. “Your blood pressure and heart rate are a little elevated. But, that can be expected when you’re sick. The doctor will be in shortly,” she said as she left the room.

 

Dean leaned back against the raised exam table and closed his eyes. There’s nothing wrong with me, he repeated to himself. It was just a bad gas station burrito that was haunting him. It had to be that. Or the flu. Nothing serious. A knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts.

 

“Yeah?” Dean asked.

 

The door opened to reveal a petite brunette. “I’m Doctor Adams and you are?”

 

“Dean Winchester,” he offered. 

 

“Okay, Mr. Winchester. What seems to be the problem?”

 

Dean explained what he’d been going through, what his symptoms were as the doctor wrote everything down.

 

“Well, it’s not food poisoning and it doesn’t sound like the flu.”

 

“See, it’s nothing,” he responded.

 

“I didn’t exactly say that. I need to run a few tests on you. Let’s start by getting a blood and urine sample. Think you can pee in this cup?” she asked as she held up the urine specimen cup and watched as Dean shook his head . “Good, bathroom is two doors down on your left. Leave it in the little collection unit on the wall and then come back to the room. Angie will be here waiting to take a blood sample.” She gave him a smile and walked out of the room.      

 

He washed his hands after leaving the requested sample and returned to the exam room to find Angie waiting for him. 

 

“Are you squeamish at the sight of blood?” Angie questioned him as she donned a pair of latex gloves. He shook his head no in response as she tied the tourniquet around his bicep, forcing his veins to pop out. “I’ll make this quick and as painless as possible,” she said as she gently pushed the needle into his arm and extracted a vile of blood. “See, painless,” she smiled at him as she withdrew the needle and disposed of it in the biohazard/sharps box hanging on the wall. “It shouldn’t take took long to get your results back. Hang tight and there are a few magazines in the rack if you’re interested.” She motioned to the wall as she left, quietly closing the door behind herself. 

 

Dean leaned back against the table and closed his eyes. If it wasn’t food poisoning or the flu, then what else could be wrong with him? Cancer? Was cancer eating away at his body and he hadn’t known it? A soft knock at the door pulled him from the near tailspin his mind was ready to send him into. He forced his eyes open as the door opened to see Doctor Adams entering the room. Her face was expressionless. Oh, God, it was cancer he thought to himself as she pulled the stool closer to him and sat down.

 

“What do you know about your medical history?” she asked. 

 

He looked at her, confusion clearly showing on his face. “Not much to know, other than I’ve been very healthy until now. It’s cancer, isn’t it?” He watched as the doctor smiled and then chuckled at him.

 

“No Mr. Winchester, it’s not cancer.” She heard him exhale loudly at hearing that and continued speaking. “Have you heard of the term male carrier?” she asked and watched as the expression on his face went from concern to confusion to caution. “I take it you’ve heard that before. Well, I’m surprised that no one ever diagnosed you as one before this, but you carry the gene that allows you to conceive. You’re not sick, Mr. Winchester, you’re pregnant.” She sat back from him and waited for his reaction.

 

Dean closed his eyes and felt numbness was over him. He wasn’t sick, the words echoed in his brain. Then his eyes snapped open at the next part. He was pregnant! No, that was impossible. “No,” he said, shaking his head from side to side. No, you’ve got it wrong. Check it again. There’s been some mistake!” His voice raised with each word as he spoke.

 

The doctor held up her hands, before placing them on his shoulders. “Please, Mr. Winchester, try to calm down.” She watched as his face turned from pink to scarlet. His mouth opened and closed like he was trying to gulp in air to breathe as he was hit with what was obviously a panic attack. “Just breathe.” She watched as his panic began to subside as he took a few deep breaths. “Okay, better?”

 

She watched as Dean’s breathing began to return to normal, the color drained from his face and he looked at her, green eyes wide with unspoken fear.

 

“I can only guess how shocking this is for you. I can assure you that we double checked the results,” she said. “It’s very common for parents to keep this knowledge from their male child, either out of concern for their well being, wanting their son to have a normal childhood. It’s nothing to be ashamed off. It’s more common than anyone thinks, being a male carrier. Unless you’ve been diagnosed with it, you would have no idea. Male carriers don’t ovulate monthly. Ovulation is triggered by sexual arousal. Once you’re child is born, you’ll be able to go on birth control, if you choose to, or you can use another type of contraception.” She pushed herself away from Dean as she stood up from the stool. “Come with me,” she said as she left the room and led him into another room down the hall.

 

Dean followed and looked around the room they were standing it. It was an examination room, but different from the one they’d just been in.

 

“Take a seat on the table and get comfortable.” She turned from him and donned a pair of latex gloves. She turned back to him with a bottle of what looked like blue lubricant to him and a handheld device. “This will allow us to hear the fetal heartbeat, it’s called a Doppler. Lift your shirt so I can apply the gel. I’ve got to warn you, it’s cold.”

 

As if in a dream, no a nightmare, Dean found himself lifting his shirt. And damn, the shit was cold. Couldn’t they spring for something that was warm to the touch? He felt the device being pressed to his abdomen and waited. Suddenly the room was filled with a whooshing sound. It was fast and loud and almost too much to hear.

 

“That is the sound of the baby’s heartbeat. Would you like to see what your baby looks like?”

 

He couldn’t speak. His heart was in his throat at the sound of the beating heart of his child. He nodded and waited as the doctor withdrew the device and placed it on the counter. She pulled over a rather bulky machine that looked like a monitor on wheels and turned it on. Her hand flew over the keys before she turned back to him. 

 

“This is an ultrasound machine. We’ll be able to see your baby. I’m going to take some measurements and I’ll be able to tell how far along you are.” She picked up the wand and brought it to his abdomen. She looked back at the screen, moving the wand around until she seemed to find what she was looking for. “This is your uterus. It’s small right now as it’s forming and growing along with your baby. It’s rather common in male carriers. This is the embryonic sack that surrounds your baby. And this, is your baby.” She pointed to what looked like a blob in a blob.

 

Dean raised himself up on his elbows to look at the screen. He had to squint at first to see what she was pointing to. It looked like just a small blob to him. And then, the blob moved. He gasped as the blob moved, not able to take his eyes off of the tiny movements. He heard the doctor chattering to him.

 

“This is the head, here is the umbilical cord and this right here, this little thing that’s fluttering is the baby’s heart. Pretty amazing.” She smiled at him and then turned to do whatever it was she needed to do. 

 

Dean stopped focusing on what she was saying. Instead, he focused on the fluttering of the blob. No baby, his mind responded. His and Sam’s baby. He bit back the smile and tried to get himself to listen to the doctor. 

 

“I’d say your about three months along, based on the measurements. In about another month, if this little one cooperates, you can find out the sex. Or you can wait and be surprised when he or she is born.”

 

When the baby was born? He hadn’t thought about that aspect of it. How the hell was he supposed to squeeze a human child out of his body? Was it supposed to be like in the  _ Alien _ movies? The thing just erupts out of his abdomen? Yeah, because that was not happening. Ever!

 

Dean chewed on his bottom lip, trying to work up the courage to ask that all important question rocketing around in his mind. “Hey, how the hell am I supposed to give birth? It’s not like I’m actually built like a woman, despite this,” he said as he waved a hand over his stomach. “I mean, what happens, do you just cut me open or something?”

 

The doctor smiled at him; it was a sweet smile, but it as if she was saying, ‘you’re an idiot for not know your own body or how this all works’. “Well, as you go into labor, your body will form what’s called a birthing hole for the baby to emerge from.” He cringed at hearing that; it didn’t sound all that fantastic to him. “It’s going to be painful, I won’t lie about that.” Of course it would be, why wouldn’t it be painful, his mind supplied as an unspoken response to her words. “Once the baby is born, the birthing hole will close. It will be as if it had never been there. It’s just that easy. The miracle of life.” She gave him another sweet smile. Somehow, he didn’t think any of what she’d just told him sounded like it was going to be easy for him, or that miraculous. He was pretty sure that giving birth was gonna suck and hurt like a son of a bitch. 

 

He watched as the doctor turned back to the ultrasound machine and her fingers clicked over a couple of the keys.

 

“Would you like copies of your ultrasound?”

 

Dean snapped his attention back to the doctor. “You can do that? Give me copies?” 

 

“Of course. This way you can show your partner. A lot of parents put them in the child’s baby book as the first picture.”

 

“Yes, I want copies,” he breathed out. 

 

He watched the screen until it finally went black, the image of his baby disappearing from it. He was oblivious as the doctor cleaned his stomach and helped him sit up. She was mumbling something about follow up appointments, prenatal care and vitamins. Ok, she probably wasn’t mumbling, he just wasn’t really listening to her at the moment; he was to lost in the fact that he had a life growing inside of him; one that didn’t have to do with some supernatural cause.

 

“Here are you copies and some handouts about what to avoid while pregnant.”

 

Dean accepted everything she offered, only really caring about the sonograms. Was it possible to be in shock and excited at the same time? Because he was, all that and more. He couldn’t wait to show Sam. They were having a baby. He searched for his phone, pulled it out of his coat pocket and sent a text to his brother.

 

Dean: Stopped at the clinic. Meet me at the diner by the motel.

 

Sam: Sure thing, u ok?

 

Dean: I’ll explain when I get there but yeah, I am.


	2. Misunderstandings

 

 

He drove back to the diner, parked and got out. He tucked the sonogram into his jacket pocket and opened the door. He saw Sam talking to a woman and a little boy and caught the tail end of the conversation.

 

“Thanks for your help. You’re great with kids, do you have any of your own?” the woman asked.

 

Sam shook his head no. “God, no never thought about it, but my brother and I are always moving around. Not really a life to have raise a kid in. I never really wanted a kid. Don’t think I’m father material. . .”

 

Dean felt the heaviness in his chest as he listened to Sam’s words. As they swirled around in his head, Dean’s heart sunk to his feet. What happiness he’d been feeling was gone. Sam didn’t want kids? 

 

“Oh, hey, this is my brother, Dean.” Sam’s smile was blinding as he introduced Dean.

 

Dean could only nod at the woman and forced a fake smile on his face.  

 

“Well, thanks again,” she said as she pulled the little boy into her arms and left.

 

Sam waved at the mother and child as they turned to leave the diner as he sat back down. He waited for Dean to walk over, when he didn’t, Sam motioned for Dean to join him at a booth he’d already been sitting in. As he slid into the seat across from Sam, Sam looked at him. “So, what did the doctor say?”

 

Dean sat  for a moment, trying to think of a convincing lie to tell Sam. He had to, there was no way he could tell Sam the truth, not now. Not with what he’d just heard from Sam. “Turns out it was just some virus I was fighting. Nothing serious.” He watched as Sam smiled at him.

 

“See, told you that you needed to be checked out. Did they give you anything for it?”

 

“Just some vitamins. I’m gonna go lay down. I’m still not feeling all that great.” He stood up to leave. He needed to get away from Sam right now. He needed to think, figure out what he was going to do.

 

“Want me to come with?” Sam asked.

 

“No, finish your food. I’ll see you when you get back.” He left the diner and walked over to the motel. His thoughts were jumbled together. What was he going to do? How the hell was he going to explain this to Sam? To the person he loved the most who had just admitted to a stranger that he didn’t want kids? He placed a hand over his stomach, he’d just found out about this baby and already he was in love with it. There was no way he was going to sacrifice their child. He’d figure something out. He had to.

 

As he lay on the bed, eyes staring up at the ceiling, Dean came to a decision. He was going to leave Sam. He'd disappear from his brother's life to make it easier on Sam. He wasn't going to burden him with a child he clearly didn't want. He'd wait until Sam was asleep tonight and slip out of the room. Satisfied with that, he got up from the bed and packed his belongings. He left his packed duffle bag on the side of the bed away from Sam and would grab it when he felt the time was right to leave. He looked over at the desk and eyed the stationary that was there along with a pen. He snorted at that scenario, just who would send a letter advertising that they had stayed in this place? Well, he wouldn’t be sending Sam a ‘wish you were here’ postcard, but he at least owed Sam some type of explanation. 

 

He sat with the paper in front of himself, thinking of what to write. He couldn’t tell Sam the true reason he was leaving. That would only complicate things. Sam would want to do the honorable thing, settle down with him and raise their child - even if Sam didn’t want said child. No, he wouldn’t saddle Sam with that burden. He knew it would ultimately lead to Sam resenting him, possibly even hating him and their child. He’d rather raise the child alone. He just had no idea how to tell the one person he loved more than anything goodbye. 

 

He was just laying back down when Sam came in. He prayed - actually prayed to God - that Sam wouldn’t think something was wrong and question him. If Sam did, Dean knew his plan would unravel. He couldn’t take that chance.

 

“How ya feeling?” Sam questioned, looking Dean up and down. He crossed over to Dean and sat on the edge of the bed. He placed a hand on Dean's forehead. “You don't feel warm. But you're face is flushed.” Sam looked down at Dean with care in his eyes. God he loved his brother. He needed Dean to be alright. He'd do anything to make sure that Dean didn't get sick like this again. He'd never admit it to his brother, but he'd been scared seeing Dean like that. He'd been so vulnerable. It hurt to see that and not be able to help him.

 

“I’m good. I was just tossing and turning,” Dean said, hoping Sam would drop the issue. The explanation seemed to do the trick.

 

“I’m gonna do a little more research. I think I might have found a case three towns over from here. But, I want to make sure it’s worth our time since you’ve been sick.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes at his mother hen of a little brother. “Sam, I’m fine. Stop worrying about me and treating me with kid gloves. I’m not gonna break,” he huffed out.

 

“Yeah I know,” Sam shot back at him before leaning over and planting a soft kiss on Dean’s lips. He pulled away from Dean, got up and walked over to the extra bed and pulled out his laptop. When he was settled, he began looking through the reports on a number of strange murders, all with an earmark of the supernatural. To him, it sounded like a vengeful ghost getting back at those who had wrong it prior to its death. It wasn’t something that they couldn’t handle. He decided to talk it over with Dean in the morning.

 

Sam looked over at their bed to see Dean lying on his side, facing away from him. He focused on Dean’s ass and how well his jeans molded themselves to that gorgeous backside. He felt a stab of lust as his eyes traveled over Dean’s body. How had he gotten so lucky that this man was his? He’d been terrified when he’d first decided to see if what he felt for his brother would be reciprocated. He’d seen something in Dean’s eyes that night and he hoped he’d been right about it. It was a look of hunger, want and desire in those green eyes and he’d thrown all reasoning to the wind and had acted on his impulse to kiss Dean’s lips. He’d always suspected they were soft and kissable, and to his delight, he’d been right. Since that night, he hadn’t been able to go a few hours without kissing Dean, nipping or licking at those lips. 

 

Without a word to Dean, Sam shut off the light, and began to strip off his clothes. The room was cast in soft light from the moonlight that filtered through the old vertical blinds covering the two windows. When he was undressed, he crawled onto the bed. He reached over to his duffle bag by side of his bed and grabbed the bottle of lube he knew was there. He wanted his brother, he just hoped Dean was true to his words that he was feeling better. He placed a hand on the small of Dean’s back and trailed his fingers to Dean’s waist and up under his shirt. He felt Dean shudder at the touch. He leaned down and kissed the exposed column of skin along his neck to his ear. He placed his lips over the shell of Dean’s ear and whispered to him. “God, Dean, I want to make love to you right now.”

 

Dean’s heart nearly shattered at hearing those words coming from Sam. How could he deny Sam this? How could he deny himself this last bit of happiness with Sam? He wanted this as much as Sam did. This would be the last time he would make love to Sam. This would be the last time he felt Sam’s touch on his skin, Sam’s lips against his own. He rolled over and looked up into those extraordinary hazel eyes. “Sam,” he breathed out before Sam’s lips were on his, swallowing whatever else he might have said. He felt Sam’s hands at his waist, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans and helping to pull them, along with his briefs off. He broke contact with Sam only long enough to pull his shirt over his head before tossing it onto the floor. 

 

He laid back against the pillows as Sam’s fingers ghosted over his skin. He moaned at the caress as Sam moved between his legs. He closed his eyes as Sam’s lips sucked at his neck, leaving a bruise, marking him as Sam’s. How he wished the mark was permanent. How he wished that he would always be Sam’s. He felt tears threatening to break through his resolve and he willed them away. He forced himself to relax and enjoy this last night of love making. After tonight, they would no longer be lovers, they would no longer be anything; he’d be gone from Sam’s life. 

 

He felt Sam’s tongue demanding entrance to his mouth. He parted his lips and gave Sam what he wanted. He moaned around Sam’s tongue as he brought his hands up to wrap in Sam’s hair. He never wanted to let go of the man he loved; he needed to hold him as close to his body as he could for however long he had. He let out a low moan as he felt Sam’s slick fingers run down his inner thigh to his rim. He let his legs fall open to allow Sam greater access to his body. 

 

Deft fingers began to work him open. “Sam,” he called out, letting him know he was ready. He whined at the loss of those fingers before he felt the head of Sam’s cock nudging at his rim. Slowly, Sam worked himself into Dean’s body. He arched up into Sam’s thrust, taking him in as far as he could. He hooked his legs around Sam’s waist, willing Sam to move.

 

Sam groaned at the tightness of Dean’s body around his cock. He leaned down and kissed along Dean’s jawline. He nipped at the skin and nuzzled it with his teeth. “God, Dean you feel so good,” he murmured against Dean’s ear as he began to slowly thrust in and out of Dean’s body. He never wanted this to end, what they had finally given to each other. There was no one else for him. He’d give everything up just to make a life with Dean. He heard Dean’s moans, heard him calling out his name. He loved the sounds Dean made when they made love, his breathy moans, his pleas, how his name sounded when Dean called it out as he came. He quickened his pace, punching out those breathy moans from Dean as his thrust intensified. He reached between their bodies and took Dean’s cock in his hand. He smeared the pre-come along the tip and down the shaft as he began to fist Dean in time to his thrusts. He knew it wouldn’t be long before they both climaxed.

 

“Sam, gonna . . . oh, God,” Dean cried out as his orgasm crashed over him. His back arched off the bed as he came. His vision whited out as he rode through the orgasm and afterwave and Sam’s thrusting into him.  

 

Sam felt the warmth of Dean’s orgasm spill over his fist as he continued to thrust into him. His thrusts became erratic as he chased after his own orgasm. Feeling Dean’s body clench around him pushed him over the edge and he came, spilling into Dean’s body and calling out Dean’s name. When he was finally able to move, he gently pulled out of Dean and sank onto the bed next to him. He pulled Dean to his chest and wrapped his arms around him. “I love you,” he murmured against Dean’s ear as he drifted off to sleep. 

 

Hearing those words, Dean’s heart shattered in his chest, but he forced himself to return the sentiment. “I love you too,” he whispered to his sleeping lover. He breathed in deeply, committing Sam’s scent to his memory. He loved the way Sam smelled of spice and soap. If he could, he’d bottle the smell and take it with him as a remembrance of Sam. He lay in Sam’s arms for awhile, not wanting to break the warmth and peacefulness of the contact he felt. With a heavy heart, he forced himself to do what he truly regretted he had to do. If he didn’t move now, he never would. Slowly and quietly he extracted himself from Sam’s embrace. He moved to the edge of the bed and got up. He waited to see if Sam would wake from his movements. When he was sure he was in the clear, he quietly padded to the bathroom to clean up and dress.  

 

Once dressed, he quietly opened the door, hoping that Sam was still asleep. He looked over at the bed to see the sleeping form of his brother. He looked so peaceful; like he had no cares in the world. He was snuggled against what had been Dean’s pillows, arms hugging the pillow. The sheet was tangled around his legs and waist. His hair was covering his eyes. Dean moved about the room and stopped next to the bed. He reached out and gently brushed the hair away from Sam’s face. He bent down and lightly brushed his lips against Sam’s forehead. “I love you, always will. Hopefully, in time you’ll forgive me and realize this is for the best,” he whispered to his sleeping lover. He walked around the bed and grabbed his duffle bag. He pulled the letter he’d written earlier from the open pocket and placed it on Sam’s laptop that Sam had left on the other bed. With a look back over his shoulder at his brother, he pulled the door open and left Sam sleeping in their motel room.

 

Dean tossed his duffle bag onto the empty passenger’s seat and started the car. Normally, he’d let the car idle, letting the hum of the motor soothe him, but not this time. He put the Impala into drive and pulled out of the parking lot. He had no destination in mind, he just drove, putting as many miles between himself and Sam as he could. Not even the ringing of his cell phone stopped him from his determination to get away. He let Sam’s call go to voicemail before turning off his phone. He didn’t always get electronics like Sam did but he knew enough that if the phone was off, Sam wouldn’t be able to track him with it.

 

Sam rolled over and reached out for Dean. His hand was met with the coldness of the bed. He sat up, the feeling of something being off settled into the pit of his stomach. “Dean,” he called out. When he got no response, he pushed himself off the bed to search for his brother. He found the room to be empty, save for himself. He pulled his clothes on from last night and went to open the door. He found the parking lot empty of the Impala. He closed the door and turned back to the empty bed to grab his cell phone to call Dean. Maybe he’d just gone out to grab some coffee, but something told him that wasn’t the case. He noticed the motel stationary next to his laptop and picked it up, holding it between his thumb and forefinger like it was something that was toxic. With his other hand, he steadied the paper and recognized the handwriting as Dean’s. He sank down on the bed as his legs gave out from underneath him and read the letter.     

 

_ Sam, _

_ I can’t do this anymore. I’m not good for you. You deserve better than me. I was just being selfish when I let things happen between us. I took advantage of you and I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to stop myself. You’re only going to end up hating me in the end if this continues. So, that’s why I’m leaving. I don’t regret what happened between us, but I know you will. When reality hits you, you’ll see that what I’m doing is for the best. You’ll find someone who deserves your love; who you can make a life with. Don’t try to look for me, you’ll only prolong the inevitable. _

_ Dean - _

 

He must have read and reread the letter several times before he finally comprehended what Dean had written. He reached for his phone and frantically called Dean’s cell. The call went to voicemail. He tried several more times before finally leaving a message.

 

“Dean, please call me. You’re wrong. I love you and I’ve always wanted you. There’s no way in this world that I would regret us or give up what we finally have. I’ll always love you, always want you. There’s no one else for me, only you. Dean, please . . . come back.” His voice cracked as he ended the call. Where had Dean gotten this idea that he would be better off without him? 

 

Dean drove until his eyes were bleary and he knew he had to pull over and grab a bite to eat. He rubbed his stomach, trying to think of when he'd last eaten. He couldn't even think of the last thing he had eaten and knew he had to get something before he got sick. He knew he had to take his prenatal vitamins, but was loathe to on an empty stomach. He forced himself to focus on the road until he found a little diner and pulled in. He turned off the car and forced himself out of the car and through the front door. As he waited to be seated he noticed the ‘Help Wanted’ sign. He watched as a middle-aged woman with dark, short cropped hair approached him with a smile.

 

“Welcome to the  _ Wistful Thinker _ diner. Just a table for one?” she asked as she looked him over. 

 

He could only nod as he felt a wave of nausea mixed with hunger wash over him. The way he was feeling must have showed on his face. The woman stepped forward and placed a hand on his arm. 

 

“Come on, sweetheart, let's get you seated and something in you.” She led him to a table set for two, handed him a menu and left him alone. She returned a few minutes later with a steaming cup of tea and set it down in front of him. “Chamomile tea, it'll help settle your stomach.”

 

He mumbled a thanks to her as she walked away and he sipped at the tea. He looked at it with distates, wishing that the cup was filled with coffee and not tea. But caffeine was one of the things he now had to avoid, along with a list of other foods; most of which he loved and his diet had consisted of before finding out he was pregnant. By the time the waitress, Felicia as her name tag indicated, had made her way over to his table he was feeling better and was able to order a cup of soup and crackers. After he finished both the soup and his tea, he asked for his check in order to pay. 

 

Felicia looked at him with a smile, “Oh, no it was on the house. Kim, the woman who seated you, she’s the owner and said she’d take care of your meal.” 

 

He shook his head, “No, I can pay. I’m not a charity case,” he mumbled.

 

“That’s just the way she is and there’s no sense in fighting with her,” Felicia said with a shrug as she turned and walked away.

 

Dean dug into his pocket and pulled out a few crumbled bills and tossed them onto the table as a tip for Felicia before he made his way out of the diner. 

 

After putting several hundred miles between himself and Sam, and sleeping in the confined space of the car, he needed to feel free, even if it was only for a little while. He wasn't ready to get back in the Impala and drive, he couldn't take the thought of being in the car right now, so he decided to walk around and stretch his legs. When he returned to his car, he'd pretty much seen most of the downtown area of the sleepy little town of Port Gamble, Washington. 

 

It was a quaint little town, the type that would be perfect for raising a child in. He liked the idea of possibly living in Port Gamble and not very far from the water. As a child, he and Sam had never had a stable home life where they had an actual home and took vacations to the beach. They had been uprooted every few weeks or months when their father was done with one hunt and moved them on to another. Now, no matter where he settled, even if it wasn’t in this town, with his child, he was done with the hunter’s life. He just wasn't sure if he would be accepted here. While male carriers weren't unheard of, they were rare. They usually located to large cities where they were more apt to be accepted or at least overlooked. He was pretty sure that a male carrier like himself wouldn’t be wanted or accepted in a place like this.

 

He'd walked up and down the main street, Rainier Avenue and looked at the shops that lined it. He’d wandered in and out of a few of the stores including the Port Gamble General store which seemed to sell everything from souvenirs to wine. He’d chuckled at that and Mrs. Muir’s House, a shop that sold tea blends and candles. He was pretty sure the owner of the shop was what some people would call a new age, touchy feely, free spirit. He even stopped to look at the Quilted Strait and had forced himself from spending what money he had on a quilt for his unborn child. He noticed a historical museum as well as a huge playground. He sat and watched the kids playing, wishing for a place like this for his child to grow up in. As the day slowly past into dusk, he forced himself up from the bench and started back toward his car, knowing that he would have to move on in the morning. Port Gamble wasn’t a place for a person like him. 

 

When he returned to the diner, he pulled the car to the back of the parking lot and hunkered down for the night. Money was getting tight and he knew he couldn't spare what cash he had to get a hotel room. He’d been secretly happy that the owner had taken pity on him and covered the cost of his meal. That just meant that he’d be able to eat a small meal when his stomach gurgled again. He closed his eyes and tried to figure out what he was going to do now. He needed to make some cash in order to not only fill his stomach, but the Impala’s before he moved on. There were only so many credit card scams he could run before Sam found him. Dean heaved a tired sigh. He really didn’t want to go back to that aspect of his life, running scams to get by. He wanted to start his child’s life off right, with a parent he or she could at least look in the eye. It hadn’t really bothered him what John had done to get by, to provide for him and Sam. But, now, he wanted more for his unborn child. He shook his head at himself and rubbed his barely there baby bump. “I’m already such a sap,” he said in a low voice.

 

He drifted off to sleep in the tight confines of the Impala. The tapping on the window woke him and he startled awake. He looked around and saw a figure standing next to the car. The figure, a woman he recognized from yesterday, Kim was about to tap on the window again. He rolled the window down as he sat up. 

 

“You can’t sleep here.” The woman’s voice had a no nonsense edge to it. 

 

“Sorry,” he mumbled at her. “I’ll just . . .” Kim cut him off before he could finish.

 

“Well, come on, I’m just opening up. We’ll have some tea and talk.” she said over her shoulder as she made her way to the back door of the diner. She turned back to see Dean still sitting in the Impala, staring at her in shock. “You coming or you just gonna sit there looking shocked?” she questioned as she unlocked the door and disappeared inside carrying a large box that had been resting on her SUV. 

  
  



	3. New Beginnings

 

 

As she began to turn the lights on in the diner, she heard the sound of the back door opening and closing and smiled to herself. She looked up as she heard shuffling. “I’ve got about twenty minutes or so before I open the front door. That should give us enough time to talk,” she said as she set out two cups for tea and started the water to heat. “Sit,” she said as she waved a hand at one of the stools at the counter and busied herself with the tea. She turned back with the hot water to find that Dean had sat down and was eyeing her with uncertainty. She smiled at him as she poured that water to let the tea steep. As she replaced the hot water carafe on the warmer, she pulled out another plate, grabbed a muffin and placed it in front of Dean. 

 

Dean waved his hands at her. “I can’t.”

 

“What, you can’t eat?” she asked with a slight smirk on her lips. “I’m Kim Rhodes by the way and this little slice of heaven is mine,” she said as she waved her arms around. “It’s not much, but I love it.”

 

Dean looked at the muffin and then at his hands. “I can’t pay,” he murmured. “Thanks, but I should go,” he said as he stood to leave. A hand on his shoulder stopped him.

 

“I didn’t ask for you to pay. I figured you could use a good start to the day. You’re sleeping in your car,” she said with a small sigh. “It’s obvious you’re going through something. We’ve all been there.” She held up her hand as she watched Dean open his mouth to say something. “Some of us understand that, and how prideful a person can be. I’m not in the habit of offering handouts. So, can you cook? I’ve got an opening here and you look like an able bodied man who can cook. I’m willing to take a chance on you.”

 

“You might not want to when you find out . . .”

 

“What, are you on the run from the law?”

 

“No, it’s just . . .” He took a deep breath. It was now or never; he’d never uttered the words out loud, but he had to if he was going to have any hope of a life. “I’m a male carrier. I’m - I’m three months along.” He let the words carry their own weight and watched as Kim registered what he’d just said.  “A town like this, it doesn’t seem like the place that would want someone like me.”

 

Kim came around from the back of the counter and sat down next to him. “Look, I can’t speak for everyone in this town. But, I don’t have a problem with that. The job is yours if you want it. I even have a small one-bedroom apartment over my garage. You can rent it out. If you don’t like it, you can stay until you find something you do like.” 

 

Dean sat staring at the steam as it billowed off of the tea in front of him. He had no idea what to do. Why was this stranger being so nice to him? He’d only met her yesterday and here she was offering him a job and a place to stay. It was too good to be true. If life had taught him anything, it was that there was always a price to pay, nothing was free. 

 

Sensing his hesitation she picked up her mug and sipped at the tea. She knew when to push the issue or let it be. Now wasn’t the time to push the man next to her.

 

“I can't,” Dean murmured. “I have to stay off the grid. I can't be found by the father, it’s complicated.”

 

“Did he hurt you?” A look of anger flashed in her eyes. “Did he hit you?”

 

Dean's head snapped up, a look of shock clearly on his face. He shook his head. “No. Never. He doesn't even know about the baby. He - he doesn't want kids. I overheard him telling someone so I left before. . .” He let his words trail off, it was too painful to talk about Sam. “It was just better that way.”

 

He found himself enveloped in a tight hug. 

 

“Oh, sweetheart, that must have been a hard choice to make.”

 

“Yeah, I still - I love him,” Dean said, his voice full of the emotions he felt. He never knew the full extent of his love for Sam until he’d made the decision to leave him, to let Sam go so Sam could have a life without him, without an unwanted child - at least on Sam’s part- tying him down to Dean. He ached for Sam, to call him, hear his voice saying his name, even if it was just over the phone, one last time. But, he knew if he did that, he’d end up right back with Sam and in the end Sam would come to hate him. He wiped at his eyes, trying to hold back the tears that were so close to the surface. He felt like he was only half a person now. The other half that made him whole was gone; somewhere else, moving on with his own life. He needed to do the same.

 

“Well, the offer still stands. We’ll figure something out as far as rent and pay.” She inched the muffin and tea towards him, nudging him to eat as she prepared to open the diner. “I’ve got it,” she said as she turned the closed sign to open and pulled the ‘Help Wanted’ sign from the window. She watched as Dean swiveled on the stool to look at her. “I’ll pay you in meals and a place to stay, plus a small cash stipend, say around a hundred dollars a week and any tips you get. How does that sound? I know it’s not a dream job or the greatest of pay, but it will keep you off the radar of this guy you’re trying to shake.” Her eyes gleamed with happiness with her plan.

 

“Why would you do this for me? I’m a total stranger.” Dean asked, his voice laced with caution.

 

“Because you need a break.”

 

“Okay,” Dean said as he ate some of the muffin. “When do you want me to start?” 

 

“Well, you’re here now. Ty, my other cook will be here shortly. I’ll have you shadow him for a couple of days. He works the open to lunch shift Monday through Friday. I’ll need you to be here an hour before that shift ends until close for the same days. I have two part-time cooks, Matt and Richard, who work the weekends and fill in when needed. Ty can show you the ropes and then after the lunch crowd thins out, I’ll take you over to my home & show you the apartment.” She saw the look of hope in his eyes and smiled at him. “Eat, I’m going to make you some scrambled eggs because you need more than just a muffin and some tea. Then, I’ll have you fill out an employee card. And I’ll also take you to the clinic.” She saw the look of terror flash across his face and reached out to place a comforting hand on his. “I’ll be the only one who knows any of this. You can put me down as your emergency contact. The doctor is a friend, Misha. He’s a little on the odd side, but then again, who isn’t?” She placed a plate of scrambled eggs in front of him and went to greet her first customers of the day. 

 

Dean heard a male voice call out from the back. “Kim, I’m here. Who’s been cooking in my kitchen?” the voice chuckled out.

 

“Who’s kitchen?” Kim asked as she handed an order to a man who had popped out from the back. “By the way, this is Dean. He’ll be shadowing you for a few days. I hired him this morning. Dean, this ugly mug is Ty,” she said as her hitched her thumb at the man walking toward him with an outstretched hand.

 

“Nice to meet you,” Ty said with a slight drawl to his voice. “Soon as you’re done eating, come on around back and I’ll start showing how to run this place.” He gave Kim a wink as he walked back to start cooking the orders Kim was piling up on him. Ty disappeared from sight only to be heard a few minutes later as he started calling out for orders to be picked up. 

 

Once Dean was done eating, Kim had him dispose of his plate and cup in the bin under the counter and had him walk out back to the prep line where Ty met him.

 

“You ever worked in a diner before?”

 

“No, but I’m a fast learner.” He caught the eye roll as Ty turned from him, but kept his mouth shut. He couldn’t afford to lose what he’d just been offered by pissing off the person who was going to be training him. He watched as Ty worked fast but efficiently, picking up the order tickets, lining them up across the cook station, grabbing the plates and cooking the food. When there was a lull in the breakfast rush, Ty motioned for him to follow him out back.

 

“This is the walk-in refrigerator. We have a small walk-in freezer, but most everything is delivered fresh. We have farm fresh eggs and cured bacon and ham from one of the local farms not too far from here. There’s also a dairy farm a couple of miles outside of town that Kim orders from. Kim takes care of ordering everything, but you or I will let her know when we’re running short on things. Today is Felicia’s day off, but normally she’s here early to do the baking. She loves to bake pies and muffins. Kim also bakes the breads we serve, but she does that at home. Don’t know why, seems to me it would be easier baking them here.” Ty chuckled and continued speaking. “We have Osric and Tom, they’re our dishwashers. They‘ll clear the tables when it’s slow, unpack the deliveries and pitch in where needed. But, don’t be afraid to throw them out off the cook line if they get in the way. They’re always looking for a free meal.”

 

“Hey!” a male voice called out. Dean turned in the direction of the voice to see a young Asian-looking kid standing behind him. The kid, no not really a kid, he was probably in his early twenties, frowning at Ty. “Since when are we freeloaders? You’re the one who’s always pushing food at us!” The kid smiled at Dean before throwing Ty an angry look as he stepped forward, carrying a bin of dirty dishes. “I’m Osric by the way and pay no attention to this guy. He can be an ass.” Osric turned and shuffled off in the direction of the kitchen to take care of the dirty dishes.

 

“Okay, yeah, I can be an ass. But, I’m also a good guy. Do your job and don’t flake out on Kim and we won’t have a problem. Come on, let’s get back to the line. Orders have go to be starting to come in.” Ty turned and walked back onto the cook line. He picked up one of the orders and handed it to Dean. “You, follow my lead and we’ll get along just fine.” 

 

Dean nodded as he listened. He could get used to being here. He could be happy here, if only he hadn’t abandoned any hope of happiness the minute he heard those words from Sam,  _ “I never really wanted a kid. Don’t think I’m father material . . .”  _ Those words were like a knife to the heart. He pushed aside the feelings of hurt and longing and focused on what Ty was saying. He followed Ty back to the cook’s line and started helping prepare the orders as they came in. 

 

When the lunch rush had died down, Dean was tired but happy. He’d found that he stilled enjoyed cooking and that he’d been able to lose himself in the work instead of dwelling over his situation. It wasn’t until Kim’s voice wafted through the din of noise from the kitchen did Dean stop and look up from what he was doing.

 

“You ready?” she asked as she carried a few take out containers to the counter and placed them in a bag. “Why don’t you follow me over and then you can drop your car off?”

 

Quietly, Dean followed her out to the parking lot and drove behind her through the picturesque town to a two-story Gambrel style home surrounded by a white picket fence. He shook his head at the scene in front of him, because the home had a fence. He parked on the street and walked up the driveway, not sure if he was supposed to have parked next to her. The two-car garage was painted the same crisp white as the house. Kim led him around the side of the building to a door and unlocked it. 

 

“I gotta warn you, it’s not much,” she said as they climbed the stairs. She unlocked the second door and flicked on the light, revealing a living room and kitchen combination that ran the length of the garage. Compared to the motels he and Sam had been living, this was paradise. The checkered floor was spotless. There was a small eat-in kitchen that was equipped with a stove and refrigerator. “The sink overlooks the backyard,” she said as she led him over to it. “There’s dishes and pans in the cabinets along with utensils. The furniture will be yours to use,” she said as she waved a hand at the couch, coffee table, table and a side table with a lamp. “Through this door is the bedroom and the bathroom.” She motioned to a door off to the right of the couch and let Dean look into the room which held a full-size bed, a night stand with a lamp and dresser. He walked through to find a small bathroom next a small closet. “All the bedding and towels are yours to use,” Kim called from the other room as Dean joined her. “I have a washer and dryer in my house and you’re welcome to use them. You’ll just have to coordinate a time when we’re both home. And you can use the garage to park your car in.” She smiled as Dean looked at her, awe clearly showing on his face. 

 

“Are you sure about this?” Dean asked. “I mean this is a lot to offer someone you don't know.”

 

“You’ll be doing me a favor. I’m at the diner more than I’m home. It’ll be a comfort to have someone here.” She placed the bag of food on the small kitchen counter that she had taken from the diner. “As promised, your meals. I've made sure they're as healthy as possible. Don't think I didn't see you eyeing that cheeseburger right before we left. You can eat while you fill out your employee card. There's also a phone line that runs into the apartment, I'll turn it on for you. That way if I ever need to call you in for a shift or the clinic needs to get in touch with you, they can.” She handed one of the containers with a sandwich to Dean and placed the others in the refrigerator. “I’ll take you by the grocery store on the way back from the clinic.”

 

Dean sat at the small kitchen table, eating and filling out the few forms Kim handed him. He wrote down his new address, phone number on a piece of paper and the diner’s address and slipped it into his wallet. “Done, here you go.” He slid the papers to her and went to dispose of the trash and realized he didn't know where it was.

 

“The barrel is under the sink and there's also one in the bathroom.” She stood up, collected the paperwork and motioned for Dean to follow her. “I'll take you to the clinic. I already called Misha and told him I had a friend I wanted him to see.”

 

Dean settled into the SUV as Kim drove to the other side of town. The clinic was housed in an old converted mill building, giving it a deceptive look of being just another store front. He followed Kim in and sat in the waiting room while Kim spoke with the receptionist. She handed Kim a clipboard and asked for the paperwork to be filled out. A few minutes later, a man with bright blue eyes appeared in the doorway and asked for them to follow him. The three walked down a narrow hallway to an office. Across the door was stenciled Doctor Collins in flowing white letters.  As they entered the office, Kim introduced them. “This is Misha, Doctor Collins. He’s agreed to see you and do what he can to help you. Misha, this is Dean Winchester, the person I told you about.”

 

The color drained from Dean’s face at hearing that. Misha knew about him. He started to back away and was stopped when Misha reached out and grabbed his hand. He fought back the urge to pull away.

 

“There’s nothing to fear. Everything that Kim or you tell me is confidential. No one will ever know, unless you want them to.” Misha flashed Dean a reassuring smile as he pulled a chair over for him. “Sit, let’s get to know each other.” Misha let go of Dean and walked around his desk to sit down in his chair as Kim took the other chair next to Dean. “What I do here is help my patients in any way I can. Some need medical care, some need a friendly face to chat with and some need help disappearing or recreating themselves.” Misha leaned back in his chair, hands in front of himself with his fingers steepled as he regarded Dean.

 

Kim reached over to Dean and took his hands in hers. “I don’t know anything about the man you’re trying to stay hidden from. But, you need someone in your corner. Let us be that for you. We’ll protect you, offer you friendship, because you really need that right now. No one here will hurt you. We’ll take you in as our own, you’ll be family, if that’s what you want. You just need to trust us,” Kim said in earnest as she squeezed Dean’s hands.

 

Dean tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. Family. That’s what he no longer had since he’d left Sam. The only family he had was growing inside of him. He liked the idea of it, but again caution rang in his mind. Could he trust these people? He wanted to, he needed to. He found himself shaking his head. He could trust them with some of his past, he just could never trust them with who the father of his child was. No one would understand that, even those with the most open of minds would label him disgusting and his child as an abomination. 

 

He edge closer to Kim and Misha and gave them a tight smile. He was about to do something uncharacteristic, share what he was going through with others. “I’d been sick for about two weeks or so. I thought it was food poisoning. Then when it didn’t go away, I thought I just had the flu. At S- at his urging, I went to the clinic and the doc ran some tests. I was shocked to find out that not only am I a male carrier, that I was three months along. That was about two weeks ago. I had to keep stopping to either sleep because I was tired or sick.” He looked down at his hands, feeling tears threatening to spill. He blinked several times until he was pretty sure he wasn’t going to cry before speaking. “He doesn’t want to be a father, never wanted kids. So I left him rather than fight to keep the baby or him.” Dean looked away from Misha and Kim, he could only imagine what they thought of him, how pathetic he was. “I have prenatal vitamins that I’ve been taking and my sonograms. I’ve been following what the doc told me to do or not do.”

 

“Well, let’s start off with an exam,” Misha said as he pushed himself away from his desk and stood up. “Are you all set with the new patient forms?” he asked as he took the clipboard that Dean had placed on his desk earlier. “Kim, why don’t you wait here? Dean, follow me,” he said over his shoulder as he left the room and led Dean to another room down the hall. “Have a seat on the table. I’m going to take your vitals and then we’ll take a look at your baby.” 

 

Dean let Misha do what he needed to do. He just wanted the doctor to work faster so he could get to the part where he saw his baby. He sucked in his breath when the doc pulled over the ultrasound machine and the screen flickered on. 

 

“This will be cold,” Misha said as he squirted some of the gel onto Dean’s slightly rounded stomach and moved the wand over the gel. He took several measurements of the baby before moving aside so Dean could see his growing child. “By the measurements, you’re around three and a half to four months along. This little one seems to be coming along nicely. You also seem to be in good health,” Misha said as he helped Dean to sit up. “But, you’re a little underweight for how far along you are. Morning sickness and stress can do that to you. You need to increase your calorie intake, but not overdo it. I want you to take a walk every day.” He saw the look of skepticism on Dean’s face and snorted. “It will do you both some good to get exercise and fresh air. When you leave today, make sure to make an appointment for two weeks. As a male carrier, I want to follow you closely to make sure there are no complications.” Misha handed Dean the latest sonogram and watched as he smiled and ran his fingers over the image. 

 

Dean hadn’t realized they had walked back to Misha’s office until he heard Kim’s voice. “How is everything?”

 

“Sit,” Misha said as he waved his hands. “I can only discuss things if Dean allows me to, you know that.” 

 

“It’s okay, Kim’s my emergency contact.” Dean leaned over and handed her the sonogram, his fingers never really letting go of the black and white image. 

 

“That’s your baby,” Kim whispered in awe. When she looked up into Dean’s eyes she saw his raw emotions flicker past his face before he was able to compose himself. 

 

“Now, Kim, if Dean needs to rest, if he gets too tired, you’ll need to let him take a break.” He turned his attention from Kim back to Dean. “As the pregnancy progresses, you may find it harder to be on your feet all day. But, we’ll cross that bridge if and when we come to it. Remember, you need to eat more, and make sure it’s healthy food. Drink plenty of water, get plenty of sleep and take that walk. Every day, doctor’s orders. I’ll see you in two weeks.”

 

Dean accepted the paperwork that Misha handed him and left the office to make his next appointment. When he was done, he turned to find Kim standing next to him. He felt her place a hand on the small of his back and rub the area in a circular motion. He gave a soft hum at the comforting sensation as he closed his eyes wishing for a moment it was Sam with him. He felt Kim take him by the arm and lead him outside to her SUV. As he settled in he closed his eyes, feeling a wave of emotion threatening to wash over him.

 

“Maybe you should think about calling the father of the baby. You never know, he could surprise you.” Kim looked at him out of the corner of her eye, saw him tense and decided to let him think things over.

 

Dean’s eyes snapped open as he turned to look at her. For a moment, she saw the hurt and trepidation in his green eyes before an emotionless mask fell over his face. “No, it’s better this way,” he said with conviction, not sure who he was trying to convince, himself or Kim. 

 

“Okay,” she said as she patted his hand. “It’s just something to think about.” She let the conversation end as she started the SUV and drove them back into the section of town they both now lived in. The drive was quiet. The silence only being broken as Kim pulled into the parking lot of S’Klallam, the local grocery store. “You can get a lot of unique things at the General Store, but this place is more reasonably priced and carries just about everything you’ll need,” she said as she slid out from behind the wheel and shut her door. She watched as Dean slowly did the same, but then just stood next to his closed door. “Something wrong?”

“I can’t pay for this until after I’ve worked. I mean, if I use my credit card, he’ll be able to trace the charge . . .” He looked away from Kim’s kind and sympathetic smile. “So, if you need to get some things, I’ll just wait on the bench until you’re done.” He turned and started walking to the front of the store where a few benches were lined against the building. An arm encircling his waist stopped him.

 

“Don’t be silly. Get what you need for yourself and your baby.”

 

“Why are you helping me? Why are you being so nice to me? You don’t even know me, what I might have done in the past,” his voice caught on his words and he snapped his mouth shut.

 

“Because I’ve been where you are. I was married. He was a nasty drunk and used to like to slap me around.” She moved to stand in front of Dean. “I know our situations aren’t the same. But, someone helped me get away and start a new life. I always promised myself that I’d do the same for someone who needed help. You’re that person. Let me help you, however I can.”

 

Dean shook his head. “I’m just not used to anyone offering to help out of the kindness of their heart. They usually want something in return,” he said evenly. “And, I’m sorry about what you went through. That’s - that’s a shitty thing to do to someone you claim to love.” He swallowed several times before he continued. “He loves - loved me. He never raised a hand to me. It’s just complicated . . . I can’t talk about it.” 

 

“You don’t have to, but I’m here if you ever want to. Once I left the bastard, I found a wonderful man. He helped me through a lot of shit that I’d bottled up. Then we took a chance on each other and fell in love. I had fifteen wonderful years with him until a heart attack took him from me,” she paused for a moment, getting her emotions under control. “Now, come on and don’t give me any crap. We’re going shopping. You need more than the few containers of food from the diner in your kitchen.” She pulled him into the store, grabbed a grocery cart and forced him to go through the store, aisle by aisle until it seemed that they had half the store in the cart. As they paid, she watched Dean’s expression when the cashier announced the total. “No,” she said shaking her head. “I know what you’re thinking. No, you’re not going to pay me back.” She turned her back to him, stopping any further conversation as she strode out of the store and to the SUV. By the time he followed her out, she had all the bags loaded into the backseat and was waiting for him to join her.

 

The drive back to Kim’s and now his home was a quiet one. Dean forced his mind to stay blank, not wanting to deal with anything from the past few hours. After Kim had pulled the SUV into the driveway, she helped carry most of the bags up to Dean’s apartment and unpacked them as Dean went to grab his duffle bag. She eyed the sparseness of what he had, but remained silent. She knew she’d be adding to his wardrobe over the course of the next week or so; clothes he could wear to work and around the apartment. She’d just have to get into her basement and go through her late husband’s items. She was sure most of what she’d kept would fit Dean

 

“Thank you,” Dean said as he returned from putting his bag in the bedroom. “Thank you for everything you’ve already done for me, for us. Right now, we have a place to live and I have a job. It’s been a long time since I felt like I might have a place of my own. A place that I can be a part off.” He rubbed the back of his head, remembering Sam’s words,  _ ‘It’s your tell. You rub the back of your head when you’re nervous or uncomfortable.’ _ Remembering Sam was like a stab to his heart. He forced himself to drop his hand to his side as he pushed the memory down. He felt like he was being swallowed whole as Sam’s face flashed before him, those hazel eyes looking at him with so much love. Dean ached for him. No, there was not point. “I’m sorry about your husband.” 

 

Kim just nodded, lost in her own thoughts about the man that had helped her find love and happiness again. “Travis, he was something else. He kept at me until I finally said yes to a date. Then, the rest, as they say, is history. I was lucky to find him.” She reached out and hugged Dean. “You’ll find that too. Whether it’s with the man you left, or someone new. I’m gonna go. I’ve got things to do to get ready for tomorrow. Be at the diner for six,” she said as she left, calling a goodbye as she closed the door and left Dean to his thoughts.

 

He looked around the tiny apartment, this would be his home for the foreseeable future. He shrugged as he took everything in. It wasn’t much, but it was better than sleeping in the Impala, and he had to admit, it was a lot better than some of the motels he and Sam had stayed in. Sam. Just thinking his name was like being stabbed in the heart. He missed him so fucking much. It felt like a part of his heart had been carved out of his body. He wrapped his arms around himself in an attempt to ward off any of the loneliness threatening to invade is body. He felt the sting of hot tears and shook his head. “No, it’s better this way,” he said to no one. He heaved a sigh of longing as he patted his stomach. “I promise, I’ll be enough for you. I won’t let you down and you’ll have a stable life, even if it kills me.” 

 

He went into the kitchen and searched through the drawers looking for paper and something to write with. He found a pad of paper and a pen. Bringing them to the small table, he sat down and began to make a list of things he would need to do or buy. The first was warding the apartment, Jody’s house and the diner. He figured he could get in to take care of Kim’s when he did his laundry. He’d have to find a time when he could go in early or leave late at the diner to take care of that. He didn’t want anything happening to the people who were willing to help a complete stranger out. The rest of his list was comprised of things he needed or wanted for his apartment. Well, it would be his until he found another place or Kim asked him to leave, whichever came first. He’d have to start looking in the wanted section of the newspaper. But realized he couldn’t, the places would want references, and a background check. Shit, he should have taken more interest in some of that computer geek crap Sam was always working on. Sure, he could make a fake ID; no one really ever checked when he flashed it at them. But, they would want to follow up on anything he wrote down on an application. He was so screwed. He slumped down in his chair, trying to push aside the negative thoughts that were crowding in on him. He’d just have to deal with things as they came at him. He felt his eyelids fighting to stay up as a sense of tiredness wash over him. He yawned, pushed himself back from the table and dragged himself into the bedroom. Wearily, he eyed the bed. He sat down and unlaced his boots. Kicking them off, he scooted back against the bed until he was in the middle of it and left himself fall back onto the pillows. He was asleep within a matter of moments. 


	4. On His Own

 

 

Two weeks later, Dean found himself sitting cross from Misha at the clinic. He looked around nervously, waiting for the blue-eyed man to say something, anything. Misha just sat there, looking at him like he was sizing him up. Dean shifted nervously in his seat, waiting for something to happen.

 

“Well, you’re looking better than when I first saw you,” Misha said, finally breaking the silence. He smiled as he leaned forward, placing his hands on his desk. “Are you taking the daily walk?”

 

“Yes,” Dean swallowed several times. “Uh, yeah, I am. It’s actually helping me to relax and uh, sleep better.” He shrugged. He was actually doing everything Collins had wanted him to do. Even though it was killing him not to drink coffee or eat chili cheese fries and a burger. God, a cheeseburger would taste great right about now. He licked his lips at the thought of the burger.

 

“And you’re following my directions, getting enough to eat, healthy food for yourself? Drinking plenty of water and getting sleep?”

 

He sat looking at the doctor. He had been following his directions, but this was just all so overwhelming. He couldn’t seem to find his voice to speak. Rubbing the back of his head, Dean nodded. 

 

“Good, then I’ll see you in another two weeks. So far everything is going well with your pregnancy. Keep up with everything I’ve told you to do. If you have any issues, don’t hesitate to call me.” Misha pushed back from his desk and came around to the front of it, resting against it as he regarded Dean. “If you need a friend, call me. No strings attached. And, if and when you’re ready, I’ll be here to help you with whatever it is you need. You know, like what I mentioned when we first met.”

 

Dean stood, considered what Collins had just said. “So, if I needed to reinvent myself, you could help with that? How do I know I can trust you? That this isn’t some two-bit con you pull on people who are down on their luck?” Dean huffed out.     

 

“Well, for one, you don’t,” Misha said with a smile and watched as Dean’s eyes widened in shock and then narrowed in anger. He chuckled at Dean’s reaction. “Dean, I’m offering to help. I don’t ask for money from those who need this type of ‘doctoring’. Just think about it.” Misha crossed to the door and opened it, ushering Dean out. “I’ll see you in two weeks.”

 

Dean left the clinic feeling more confused than he had in the past two weeks. He had no idea what to make of Misha, Kim or any of the people he’d met and accepted him as one of their own. Somehow, clothing that ft him and some that would carry him through his pregnancy as his belly grew had shown up in his dresser. He knew that was Kim’s doing, but when he’d confronted her about it, she just shrugged. She’s politely asked if he was sure they hadn’t been his and he’d just forgotten about them? How was that even possible he’d asked her? She did admit to leaving the black work clothes for him, part of the added benefit of working for her she’d said. Then, there was the slice of pie left for him at the diner every Friday. When he’d asked Felicia about it, her response was that the pie fairy must like him. Yeah, right, fairies weren’t that nice. They could be downright nasty. The last one he’d encountered had a mean right hook, the little bitch . . . Plus, then there were the home cooked meals or groceries that showed up in his fridge or cabinets. He knew that was Ty’s doing. It was Ty’s way of being friendly. He just didn’t know why any of them were doing this. He knew they weren’t possessed. Demons would never be that nice or helpful to a Winchester, even if he was now a former hunter. They’d rather skin him alive than play nice. Plus, he’d managed to ward the diner, the clinic, Kim’s house and the garage. There was no way a demon was getting near him and his unborn child or any of the people he was starting to call his friends. 

 

As Dean sat, trying to relax and take the pressure off his aching back he thought of the first time Kim had invited him over for dinner. He’d only been over a handful of times prior to that so he could wash his clothes. All those times had been brief, in and out so he could take care of what he needed to so he wasn’t intruding on the woman’s space.

 

“Dean,” Kim called from the front counter.

 

Dean’s head snapped up from what he’d been cooking, a quizzitive look on his face. She didn’t sound mad and he hadn’t had any complaints about what he’d been cooking. Wiping his hands on his apron, he came out from the cook line to the front counter. “Yes?”

 

“Are you busy tonight? I’d like to have you over for dinner.” 

 

“Sure?” he responded and frowned. This was it, he was either getting fired or being asked to leave the apartment. Or worse, both were happening. There was no way he could afford an apartment on what his “take home” pay was. He felt his throat closing. There weren’t to many jobs available right now in Port Gamble and what were entailed a person to be able bodied. Right now, with his pregnancy, he wasn’t able to work construction, operate heavy machinery or stand for more than four hours at a time. He’d have to pack up, leave Port Gamble and go back to running scams just to get by. He should have known this was too good to be true. An honest, normal life just wasn’t in the cards for him.

 

Kim saw the look on Dean’s face. “Hey, it’s just dinner. Nothing bad. I just figured you could use an honest to goodness home cooked meal. One where you didn’t have to prepare it yourself.”

 

Dean’s face brightened. “Yeah, sure. Thanks.”

 

“Good, then it’s settled, I’ll see you at seven.” Kim turned and walked over to check on her customers, leaving Dean to return to his cooking. 

 

The rest of the day went as every other day had gone on before it, uneventful. While he lost himself in the rest of his work, finding that cooking helped keep his mind off of everything that was wrong in his life, once he hung his apron up, his mind went back to dinner tonight at Kim’s. Was he supposed to bring something? If so, what? As he made his way to the Impala, he pulled out his wallet. He had eleven dollars and thirteen cents to his name. He sighed, knowing there wasn’t much he could get for that. But, he’d try. He drove to S’Klallam, deciding to poke around and see if there was anything he could pick up as a gift for Kim’s hospitality. 

 

After walking aimlessly through the store for about ten minutes, Dean stopped in front of the small flower display area by the produce section of the store. He looked at the bouquets, realizing that they were out of his price range. His shoulders sagged as he looked at the price tags, each different type of bouquet only rising price. “This isn’t going to work,” he muttered to himself as he turned to leave and collided with a body that shrieked out in surprise. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was going,” he said sheepishly as he reached out to steady said body.

 

“Dean?” 

 

He looked at the woman he’d nearly knock over and smiled. It was one of the customers from the diner, Mrs. Todd. He gave her a smile as he let her go. “Are you alright?”

 

“Yes, I’m fine. No worries, it happens to me more than you think,” she said with a wink. “What are you looking for? Maybe I can help you?” she offered.

 

“I uh. I was looking at the flowers. But, they’re more than I can afford right now.” He noticed the nametag on her blouse; she worked here. 

 

“Oh?” she questioned, clearly interested in whatever story Dean had for wanting to by flowers.

 

Dean felt his cheeks begin to burn under the woman’s scrutiny. “Kim invited me over for diner. She’s been really good to me and I wanted to get her flowers to thank her. I guess I’ll have to think of something else.” He looked over the sea of flowers with a forlorn look on his face before turning to leave. “Have a nice night, Mrs. Todd.” He took a few steps away, only to be stopped as his name was called.

 

“Dean, did you see these? They’re on sale!” she said happily.

 

He turned back to Mrs. Todd to find she was holding up a bouquet of peach colored roses and a price gun. “Peach roses mean thank you,” she said as she thrust them into Dean’s hands. 

 

He looked down at the pricetag which had originally been marked at twenty-five dollars to see they price was now only five dollars. 

 

“I think there’s a mistake here,” he said trying to give the flowers back.

 

“Oh, no, dear. Maybe you’re right.” She took the flowers from his hand, brought the price gun to them and swiped at the tag. “If they’re on clearance, they shouldn’t be at that price. This is more like it. Thanks for pointing out the error,” she said, pushing the flowers back into his hand before turning around and walking away to help an approaching customer.

 

Dean’s mouth gaped open as he looked down at the new price; two dollars. He chuckled, clutched the flowers to his chest and made his way to the cash register. He knew there was no way he was going to win this fight with Mrs. Todd.

 

Once he paid, he made his way back to his apartment to shower, shave and change from his work clothes into something less black. He settled on a pair of jeans that just fit over his slightly protruding stomach and a button down flannel shirt that still fit and even had a little room to grow into. When he was dressed, he grabbed the flowers and headed over to Kim’s. He hadn’t even gotten a chance to knock when the door was flung open and he found himself face to face with a smiling Kim.

 

“Dean, come in.” She stood back and held the door open, allowing him entrance into her home. 

 

“Thanks, ah, these are for you.” He offered the roses to her, feeling awkward and thanked whoever might be looking down over him that he’d remembered to remove the multiple price tags.

 

“These are beautiful, but you didn’t have to,” she smiled and buried her face into the flowers, sniffing at their fragrant petals. “Come in, make yourself comfortable while I put these in water,” she said as she closed the door and walked them both into the kitchen. She headed over to one of the cabinets overhead and reached for a vase, filled it with water and placed the roses in it. “Peach means thank you,” Kim said, breaking the silence.

 

“Yeah, that’s what Mrs. Todd said when she helped me today.”

 

“Oh, she’s such a nice woman, always willing to help out in the community,” Kim offered. “So, let me give you the real tour of the place, then we can eat.” 

 

Kim turned from him and walked to a door he’s seen before, but never been through. The only room he had even been in was the kitchen, where they had been standing for the last few minutes. The laundry room was situated in a bathroom that was off of the kitchen and he had never needed to venture further into Kim’s personal space. He had never been invited to until now. He turned and followed Kim into a large living room which had a set of French doors that led out to a four season porch and then out to the backyard. His mouth twitched up into a tight smile, wishing that he could provide something like this for his unborn child. He pushed down the thought. He would make do with what he had. It was the best that he had at the moment, and he was thankful that he even had that. Wishing for more wasn’t something he had ever allowed himself to do before and he was not about to start now. Just if Sam was here . . . Well, Sam wasn’t here, he reminded himself, pushing down the longing he felt. He had been doing that a lot lately. Longing for what he couldn’t have, which brought his thoughts right back to Sam. He had to stop doing that. He found himself missing Sam more and more and crying over that. It had to just be the pregnancy hormones, it couldn’t be anything else. Right? Right, he told himself. 

 

“Dean, this is the living room as you can tell. The four season porch was an addition a few years ago. Travis designed it and built it himself. That was something to watch. That man was all thumbs, but he got it done. I love sitting out there having a cup of tea. When Travis was around we’d just sit and read. It was nice.” The porch had a set of overstuffed chairs and a table in one area and a couch with a table in the other. The furniture was arranged as to not obstruct the view of the backyard and the flower garden.

 

“Sounds it,” Dean responded, realizing she probably knew just as much about loss as he did. He watched as she gave a fond smile and pointed to a picture hanging over the fireplace mantle. It was one of Kim and a slightly shorter, stockier man next to her. They were looking into each other’s eye; the picture of true love. He felt a pang of sadness hit his heart and he forced himself to turn away. If he looked at the picture any longer he knew he would lose what control he had over his emotions. Damn hormones! 

 

He watched as Kim walked to another set of doors and pushed one open. “This my home office. That’s just a coat closet,” she said, taping on the other closed door. Dean shuffled over to peak into the room. It wasn’t terribly large, but the desk and the chair he could see seemed to fit nicely into it. There was room enough for a bookshelf which was filled to overflowing, a filing cabinet and another chair in the corner of the room. It was homey, if nothing else.

 

Kim ushered him out and up the stairs to the second floor. He felt like he was intruding on something so private, but Kim was sharing this with him and he just doesn’t understand why. Maybe she was just lonely and needed to share a part of her life that no one else got to see. That he understood. He felt that way every day. He wanted so badly to share what he was going through with the man he loved; the one who fathered his child. But, again, he had to remind himself that wasn’t the future he had been given.

 

Kim showed him the first of two guest bedrooms. Both were a decent size for bedrooms, or so he figured. He hadn’t had an actual bedroom since he was four, so it was not like he really knew for sure what size a bedroom really should be. There was a Jack and Jill bathroom connecting the two rooms which could also be accessed from the hallway. The last room Kim showed him was her bedroom. It was huge compared to the other two rooms and had an en suite, as he was told. All in all, it was a beautiful house; a home that was obviously filled with love. Now, he only got a sense of longing. 

 

“So, that’s my tour. Come one, dinner should be ready by now. I made baked chicken with potatoes and green beans. I hope you like it,” she said, leading the way back downstairs and to the kitchen. 

 

“Sounds good, I’m not going to refuse a home cooked meal. Ever,” he said as he followed her back through the house. “Do you need any help?”

 

She waved her hands at him, and pushed him toward the the table to take a seat. “No, you’re my guest.” She turned from him and started pulling the food out o the oven, plating it as she went along before bringing two steaming plates of food over to the table. “There, what can I get you to drink? I have milk, water, there may be some questionable juice.” she grimaced at that. “Yeah, probably a no to the juice.”

 

“I’d love a beer.” He saw the hard look Kim shot him and rethought his request. “Water’s fine,” Dean responded. 

 

She returned to the table, placed two large glasses of ice water in front of their plates before sitting down. Seeing that Dean was waiting for her before eating, she looked at him. “Don’t stand on ceremony, eat.” She waved a fork at him before tucking into her own plate.

 

He dug into his meal, savoring the hot meal that wasn’t diner fare or something he had to cook for himself after being on his feet for at least eight hours a day. 

 

“This is good, thanks for inviting me over.”

 

“You’re probably wondering why, huh.” Kim watched as Dean stabbed at a piece of chicken on his plate. She saw the worried look on his face and reached out to place a comforting hand on his. “It’s nothing bad. I just figured you could use a night where you’re not alone. I know I could. It’s been two years and I miss my husband.” She looked down at her plate, not wanting Dean to see the tears in her eyes.

 

“Yeah I get it. The loneliness sucks. But, you’ve got friends here.”

 

“I do, but still, I figured we could both keep each other company. Plus, I wanted to talk to you about Misha’s offer.” She saw Dean’s eyes narrow at him. “Wait, before you say anything, just hear me out. He helped me out with my ex husband; getting away from him and helping me start a new life. I just wanted you to know that you can trust him. Or, you could try to work things out with the father. It’s clear to me that you still love him.”

 

“I do, I always will. It’s just really . . .”

 

“Complicated. Yeah you said that. But, it doesn’t have to be. I see you and it’s like you’re waiting to breathe half the time. It’s not good for you. A piece of you is missing. Anyone who takes a really good look at you can see that.” She saw how tense Dean was getting. He was putting up a wall to insulate himself from the pain he was going through. “Don’t you want to be happy? I know I did. That’s why I took a chance on Travis. I’m better for it, for loving him and having what time we had together. I just want that for you.”

 

“Yeah, well, not everyone gets their happy ending.”

 

Kim just looked at Dean, mouth gaping at his words. She decided to drop the subject. “So, after the baby is born, what do you plan on doing? I mean you’re more than welcome to stay where you are. I like having you there; a little piece of mind. Plus, the customers, vendors and the crew love you. Most of them prefer your cooking to Ty’s. But, I’ll never admit to saying that.” She stood up, grabbed their empty plates and started loading everything into the dishwasher.

 

“Kim, Ty said you bake the bread for the diner here. Why? I mean, if you don’t mind me asking. Wouldn’t it be easier to bake it there? I just wondered. It’s none of my business.”

 

She had a smile on her face when she turned to answer Dean’s question.

 

“When I first opened the diner, I didn’t have all the kitchen equipment you see there now. So, I made what I could here and then brought it over. And Travis would help me. I guess I still bake it here because it’s a connection to Travis. I just can’t bring myself to do it any other way.” 

 

Dean just nodded his head in understanding. They chatted for a while about the diner, the town and Dean’s baby before he finally admitted he was tired. He thanked Kim for diner and the company before making his way over to his apartment. He settled himself in for the night, feeling a little less alone for the first time since he’d made his decision to leave Sam. 

 

Five months had passed since Dean had settled into Port Gamble.

 

He’d been surprised at how his coworkers and friends had reacted to the news of him not only being a male carrier, but that he was also nearly eight months along when he’d finally told them. It had been at a staff meeting after the diner had closed one Sunday night. He’d seen Felicia eyeing his growing middle more than once and had been the brunt of Ty’s jokes when he’d caught Dean eating for two. Well, he was after all.

 

After his admission to his new family, things had changed again for him. He had come home one night to find a glider and matching footrest in his living room. It wasn’t brand new, but he didn’t care. It was enough that someone had thought about him, his need for some type of comfort after a long day on his feet. He’d gratefully sat down, put his feet up and rocked back and forth, enjoying the sense of peace that filled him. He placed his hands on his growing belly, feeling the movement of his child. He’d finally broken down after the last doctor’s visit and decided to find out what this baby was, that was, if the baby had decided to cooperate. Much to his excitement, the baby had and it had been revealed that Dean was having a boy.

 

But, with the sweet, had come the sour on that visit.  

 

“Dean your blood pressure is high. You’ve got to take it easy. I’m going to have to restrict your working hours and how long you’re on your feet. That also includes the your daily walk. Being up on your feet and the pressure of cooking, keeping up with the orders, isn’t helping you any.” Misha watched as Dean’s features transformed from one of mild concern to anger. He knew this wasn’t what Dean wanted to hear, but it was necessary to say, for the sake of the baby and Dean’s health. He crossed his arms and drew his lips into a tight line before meeting the hostile look in Dean’s eyes. “We talked about this.” He watched as Dean turned away from him, refusing to look at the doctor who stood before him. “Do you want to go into preterm labor? That’s where this will end up if you don’t take it easy. You’re body’s under a lot of pressure. It’s trying to not only sustain your life, but that of your unborn child. Do I need to remind you of the risks to your baby if you do go into preterm labor. Possible months in the hospital as a result of a low birth weight. Not to mention the other risks involved, including losing the baby.” Misha softened his voice when he saw Dean visibly flinch. He placed his hands on the man’s shoulders. “I’m not say this to upset you, or scare you, but you have to understand the risk factors. It’s not just about you, but your baby. There are risks with every pregnancy, being a male carrier it just amps up those risks.”

 

“Fantastic, lucky me,” Dean huffed out, trying to use sarcasm to mask the fear building in his chest. He couldn’t lose the baby, not after everything he’d already given up. He shook off Misha’s hands, bringing his own hands to his face and rubbing his forehead. He let a tired sigh escape his lips. “So, what do I need to do?”

 

“You have to rest, unless you want to be on medication for high blood pressure. I’d like to see if this can be dealt with without going that route, it just complicates everything for a male carrier. The more you exert, the more of a strain you place on your body. Haven’t you been feeling tired, more so than usual?”

 

Dean shrugged. “I guess so. It’s just, I need my job. What little I make goes toward things Kim doesn’t provide. Plus there are so many things the kid’s gonna need before he arrives. If I don’t work, I don’t get paid. It’s bad enough that I can’t afford insurance and that I have to use the clinic.” He snapped his mouth shut, realizing what he’d just said, insulting as it sounded. “Shit, nothing I say comes out right. I’m sorry. I know you’re a great doctor and the staff here is great. I didn’t mean it like it sounded. Christ that’s even worse. I’ll just shut up now.”

 

Misha snorted at Dean’s awkwardness. “It’s fine, I get what you’re trying to say. And, just so you know, this clinic is affiliated with the hospital. When you do give birth, it’ll be there. Not here, we’re not equipped to handle that. But, I’ll be there in the delivery room with you as your doctor. You won’t have to deal with strangers.” He saw the look of relief wash over Dean’s face at hearing that. “Now, you’re going to take it easy, right?” He watched as Dean shook his head yes, confirming what he already knew, Dean would do anything to have a healthy child. “Good, I can speak to Kim if you want me to. I know she only wants what’s best for you and the baby.” Misha saw the uncertainty returning to Dean’s eyes. “You’re not worried that she’ll fire you, if you have to take it easy at work, take more breaks or work less? Because if that’s the case, don’t. I’ve known Kim a long time, she’d never do that.” 

 

“Yeah . . .” Dean let his voice trail off. He wasn’t so certain about things as Misha was. Life had taught him some hard lessons after all. He was ushered out of the exam room by Misha so he could make his next appointment and Misha could call for the next patient.

 

“Remember, rest and try to stay off your feet as much as possible,” Misha called out to him as they parted. He cringed at hearing Misha’s words, knowing that everyone had heard Misha’s good intentions toward him. He looked up to see Kim frowning at him. Crap! And the hits just kept on coming. He turned away from her, not wanting to deal with the look or her questions at the moment. He focused on making his next appointment and slunk out of the clinic, hoping Kim wouldn’t press the issue. He needed to figure out what he was going to do. Thankfully, she didn’t say a word as they drove back to the diner. 

 

He’d shared his joy with Kim as they left the clinic and driven back to the diner. He’d stopped driving the Impala, he was getting too big to fit comfortably behind the wheel. Kim had taken to being his self-imposed chauffere, and he was pretty sure that she enjoyed every minute of it. 

 

“Hey, everyone we’re back so get your asses in gear,” Kim called out as they walked into the diner. She was met with laughter and a few exaggerated sighs from Ty. 

 

“How’d it go?” Felicia asked as she walked over and placed a hand on Dean’s stomach, rubbing over the stretched skin underneath his t-shirt.

 

“It’s a boy,” Dean said, not hiding his happiness. He heard the hoots coming from everyone in the diner. Everyone who frequented the diner had accepted him without issue; making him feel like he belonged somewhere, like he had a home. Those who had voiced their discomfort were told to get over it or get out by Kim. 

 

Felicia squatted down so she was face to baby with Dean’s body and placed two hands to his bulge. “Hey little boy. I’m your aunt Felicia. I’m the awesome one, just saying. Oh, and pay absolutely no attention to uncle Ty.” She stood back up and flitted off to take care of her customers.   

 

Dean heard a voice from behind him and he turned to acknowledge the person speaking to him. “Ya know, Tyler is a great name for a boy. It also works for a girl. But since it’s a boy you’re having, it would be nice to have a little Ty around here.”

 

“Yeah, not gonna happen. This little boy’s name is gonna be Levi.” Dean patted his stomach and started to walk back to the kitchen, only to be stopped by Kim. “Sorry to disappoint, but if you want a little Ty running around, that’s all on you, dude,” Dean snorted out and started to laugh at the look of mock hurt Ty threw him as he started to make his way to the cook line to help Ty with the incoming orders.

 

“Oh, no you don’t. Go take a seat on that stool by the cash register. I heard Misha telling you that you needed to take it easy, which means staying off your feet as much as possible, aside from taking your daily walk.” She pushed him toward the stool. “You can work the register and take care of the customers at the counter, but I want you resting when it’s not busy. And don’t give me any shit.”

 

“Yes, mom,” Dean shot out at her as she disappeared into the back to take care of some orders that had come in while they were away. The rest of his day was filled with laughter as Felicia kept coming over to rub his stomach, Ty kept trying to push food at him, Kim kept an eye on him and the customers asked about his pregnancy. By the time he had dragged himself up to his apartment, showered and dressed in a comfy, oversized tee and sweatpants, he was tired but happy. He lowered himself into the glider, put his feet up and clicked on the small TV. Absently, he rubbed a hand over his stomach as he fell asleep to some old western playing in the background.

 

“Come on Dean. Where the hell are you?” Sam muttered as he ran the program he’d installed so long ago on his laptop. It would enable him to see if any of their aliases had been used or flagged by the authorities. Five months and nothing. It was like Dean had dropped off the face of the planet. He’d even tried using the find my phone app more than once to see if Dean was using his cell phone. There hadn’t been any activity since that last set of text messages between them before Dean had disappeared, leaving a whole in his heart and his life. He still continued with the hunts hoping he’d run into Dean on one of them. Then he’d he able to force Dean to speak to him. After several lone hunts and no sign of Dean, he’d put the word out to other hunters that Dean had disappeared without a trace. There had been some sightings of Dean. But, as they dried up or proved to be false, he began to abandon any hope of finding his brother. 

 

The ringing of his phone pulled him from his pity party of one. He looked at it. Recognizing the name, he answered. “Hey, Tim. What have you got for me?”

 

“I may have a lead on Dean,” the gruff voice said from the other end of the line.

 

Sam instinctively sat up straighter. He waved the waitress off as she came over and offered to refill his empty coffee cup. “Where? What do you have?” He heard the desperation in his voice. There was no hiding it. He felt his heart beat faster as his breathing sped up. Something twisted in his gut. Was is anticipation, hope even? He wasn’t sure, but he was desperate to find the man he loved. 

 

“Washington. You know, the state,” Tim said with a chuckle. “Friend of mine was up there a week or so ago and said he could have sworn he saw your brother working at some diner.”

 

“A week ago! You’re just calling me now?” Sam knew his voice was rising in anger and desperation. He saw the looks from the other customers in the diner, he just didn’t care. “He could be gone by now, if it was him. Does this friend know Dean? Did he talk to him?”

 

“Settle down, Winchester.”

 

Sam took a deep, steadying breath. He had to keep it together. If he pissed Tim off, he may never get any more information or any help from the hunters network if Tim said anything to them.

 

“No, he doesn’t know Dean and he didn’t talk to him. But, he saw him, or at least thought it might be him and he was working at the place, they all seem to know him. Wait, I wrote the name down.” 

 

Sam heard papers rustling in the background and had to bite back the urge to tell the man to get his shit together.

 

“Here it is,  _ Wistful Thinker _ diner. Some little place called Port Gamble.”

 

“Thanks, Tim. I owe you.” Sam hung up, paid his tab, packed up and was out of the diner and on his way to the motel to grab his things. The only thing on his mind was how fast he could get to Port Gamble and Dean. The drive to the motel was a blur. He may have broken a couple of laws on his way there and out of town, but he didn’t give it a second thought. He only cared about getting to this diner and finding out if this was really Dean. For the first time in weeks, no months, he felt as if he had some hope of finding Dean, of getting the love of his life back. He’d do anything to have the man he loved back in his life, in his arms to stay.


	5. Catching Up

 

 

Four days later, Sam found himself sitting outside of the  _ Wistful Thinker _ , watching as people came and went. He’d driven around the block a couple of times, trying to catch a glimpse of the Impala. His heart sank when after two hours, he hadn’t seen the car or his brother. With a sigh, he got out of the Jeep he had picked up and crossed the street. He entered the diner and stopped in his tracks as he took in the sight of the man sitting behind the counter, manning the register. “Dean,” Sam choked out and watched as green eyes turned his way. He watched as the smile slipped from Dean’s face and his eyes widened in fear. 

 

Dean heard his name being called. The voice was one he’d never forget. He’d heard it almost his entire life, even in his dreams. No, it wasn’t possible. He looked up from where he was sitting and it was as if time had stopped. Sam was standing in the diner. Sam was moving toward him. This wasn’t possible. He shook his head, trying to clear the image from his eyes. He felt himself moving off the stool as he backed away from Sam. “No,” he shook his head, he turned and ran from Sam. He heard voices calling him. The one that stood out from the rest was Sam’s.

 

“Dean, please . . .” 

 

Whatever else Sam was saying was lost as blackness took over. He felt himself falling to his knees. He reached out, trying to stabilize himself as his hands hit against the counter. Sam. Sam was here. Sam had found him and now he knew. 

 

He felt hands under his arms, trying to pull him up from the floor. “Dean, Dean. Listen to me, you’re alright. It’s just a panic attack,” Kim’s voice cut through the fog in his mind, bringing him back.

 

“No, he’s here,” he breathed out. He heard voices telling someone he wasn’t allowed in the kitchen. Sam, it had to be Sam they were talking to. He knew there was no way Sam would stop until he was next to him. 

 

“Who’s here?” Kim’s asked.

 

“Dean, thank God. I’ve been searching for you.”

 

He heard the desperation and pain in Sam’s voice. 

 

“No, you need to leave,” Kim ground out.

 

Sam ignored the woman speaking to him. He focused his attention on the man he had finally found. “Please, I just need talk to you. Dean, why did you leave?”

 

Dean finally got to his feet and turned around, letting Sam finally see the changes his body had gone through. 

 

Sam stood rooted to his spot as he looked over at Dean. He saw the obvious swell of Dean’s stomach. It took his mind several minutes to process what he was looking at. Dean was . . . Dean was pregnant. He took a few steps closer, arms outstretched to touch. He had to touch Dean’s body to make sure it was real. His fingers grazed against the swell and he felt movement and gasped. He forced himself not to draw his hands back, instead he pressed both hands to Dean’s pregnant stomach. He looked down at where his hands were connect to Dean. He was finally touching the man he’d missed for so long. He felt Dean shift under his touch and he forced his eyes up over the rest of Dean’s body to look him in the eyes. He smiled, trying to reassure Dean that his feelings hadn’t changed for him. “You’re pregnant . . . and amazing,” Sam said as he raised a hand to caress Dean’s check. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you leave? I was going crazy. I looked for you. Hell, I had everyone we knew looking for you.” 

 

Sam stopped himself from speaking, seeing the look of fear in Dean’s eyes. He drew back from Dean. Was the baby not his? The thought sent panic through his body and he forced himself not to ask that question. After he’d just found Dean, he wasn’t about to embarrass him in front of these people by questioning Dean’s love for him or his loyalty and faithfulness to him. Dean had run, and he had his reasons. He just needed for Dean to explain everything to him. How this had happened. 

 

“Dean, who is this?” Kim asked as she placed herself in front of Sam.

 

Sam saw the protective stance the woman had taken in front of Dean and his face scrunched up in confusion at it. Why? Why would she feel the need to protect Dean from him? He looked over her to Dean, his hazel eyes a swirl of confusion and concern.

 

“He’s . . . he’s, Sam. My . . . the baby’s father.”

 

It was like the air was sucked out of the room when Dean uttered those words. Sam felt himself start to sag as he took a step back to lean against one of the counters. The quietness filled his ears as he looked at Dean, not knowing what to do or say.

 

“Okay, why don’t we take this someplace a little more private,” Kim suggested as she turned her back on Sam and placed her hands on Dean’s shoulders. “It’s pretty obvious that you two need to talk, if only to make sense of everything.” Kim glanced over her shoulder at the other people in the room. She saw Ty, Felicia and Tim as they stood and crowded into the doorway. “Don’t you three have jobs to take care of?” She watched as they shuffled out to their areas as things got back to whatever passed as normal. 

 

“I’m going to take you home. You need to rest after this shock. I’ll call Misha and let him know what happened. He’ll probably want to see you later.” She turned to look at Sam. Her eyes narrowed as she looked him over. “Don’t upset him any further. You can follow us. But, if he gets upset, you’re leaving. I don’t care if you are the baby’s father. Dean’s health comes first. Do I make myself clear?”

 

Sam swallowed several times before finally being able to answer the formidable woman standing in front of him. “Yes.”

 

“Good, I’m parked out back, blue SUV. Where are you parked?”

 

“Across the street.”

 

Kim nodded. “Dean, we’re going to help you to the SUV, then Sam will follow us home.”

 

Dean felt like he was in a dream. Sam was here. Sam was going to follow them home. Then he’d be forced to tell Sam everything. Then people would know. He’d have to pick up and move and start over again. He didn’t think he could do that again, start from nothing when he had everything he wanted right here. Well, almost everything. He didn’t really have Sam, even though he was only standing a few feet away from him. “Okay,” Dean uttered as he felt Kim and Sam’s hands on him, steering him out the back door and to the SUV. 

 

After helping Dean out to the SUV, Sam backtracked to his car and started it, waiting for Kim to pull out so he could follow her. As she passed him, she gave him a small wave and continued on to their home. Sam pulled out and followed at a close pace, afraid that Kim would try to lose him as they drove through the quiet tree lined streets. His eyes widened as he pulled up behind the Impala and parked. Getting out of his car he took in his surrounding, seeing what Dean had seen the first day he’d followed Kim home. He crossed to the SUV and helped Dean out and to the side door as he followed Dean and Kim.

 

Kim helped Dean up the stairs, followed by Sam. She glanced back every few steps to see a look of concern on Sam’s face. Once they were inside, she helped Dean to the rocking chair and helped him lift his legs onto the footrest. “Can I get you something to drink?” she asked, not ready to leave Dean alone with this man. 

 

Dean shook his head. “No, I’m good. I just need a minute. Why don’t you call Misha while Sam and I talk?” he asked as he threw Sam a guarded look.

 

“Are you sure? I can stay . . .”

 

“No, it’s okay. We need to talk in private,” he said as he shifted to find a comfortable position to rest in.

 

Kim turned and gave Sam a dark look. “Don’t upset him, I mean it,” she said as she left.

 

“So . . .” Sam shuffled on his feet, not sure if he should come closer and sit next to Dean or just stand there. He made the move to sit on the couch not far from Dean. “The baby. Our baby. So, that’s . . .”

 

“Yeah.” Dean looked away from Sam, too afraid to see whatever look was on Sam’s face. He was sure it was one of disgust.

 

“So you lied to me,” Sam said, his voice held no heat as he spoke, only sadness. “You weren’t fighting some virus. You lied and then you left. Why?” he asked quietly.

 

“You don’t want kids. You don’t want to be a father.” Dean turned to look at Sam. He saw Sam start to protest and stopped him. “I heard you talking to that mother with her little boy in the diner. I didn’t want to force you into something you don’t want, so I left.” He rested his hands over his stomach, rubbing at the baby and he felt the baby move inside of him. He was always in awe of that, the life they had created growing inside of him.

 

“You only heard part of the conversation. You didn’t even ask me!” Sam heard his voice rising in anger and saw Dean flinch. He forced himself to take a deep breath before speaking again, trying to keep his voice down. “You didn’t give me a chance. You just left. Do you know what that did to me? You ripped my heart out.” 

 

“You don’t want this,” Dean said as he pointed to his stomach. “I had just found out that I was pregnant and you didn’t want . . .”

 

“No, you don’t get to play the victim here.” Sam moved to stand, to walk away from Dean but stopped. If he walked away now, he would be proving Dean right. And, he didn’t want to leave Dean after he’d just found him. But, what was done, was done. Dean had left, effectively letting him know that he didn’t want him anymore. So many months lost because of a misunderstanding, and now they’d never get them back. 

 

Dean watched as Sam started to leave. He felt his heart breaking all over again and he looked away, not wanting to watch as Sam left. Sam might have wanted him, but he didn’t want the baby. Something touched his hand. He looked up, shocked to find Sam standing next to him, Sam’s large hand covering his own.

 

“You only heard part of a conversation with a stranger. It’s true, I never really thought about wanting a kid. Who would with the life we live?” He drew in a deep breath, trying to find the words to say that wouldn’t upset Dean. “Had I known, had you given me a chance, I would have done anything to make you happy. I just wish you would have had faith in me, in us, instead of running. I thought you loved me. That you wanted what we have . . . what we had.” He withdrew his hand and stepped away from Dean. He felt like Dean had taken everything they had, what they were and stomped on it before running it over with the Impala. 

 

“I’m gonna go. Now that I know you’re okay, that you’re safe. You’ve made a life for yourself here. I won’t intrude any longer. It’s clear that you don’t want me in your life. Take care of yourself and our . . . um, your baby.” He couldn’t look at Dean, if he did, he’d lose what resolve he had. He’d end up begging Dean to let him stay, begging for Dean to love him again. He didn’t want to leave Dean. He wanted to stay with him, take him in his arms and tell him how much he’d missed him, how much he still loved him. But, it was clear that Dean no longer loved him, not the way he loved Dean. 

 

Dean forced himself to his feet, he wasn’t going to let Sam leave, not without a fight. If, after this Sam told him he didn’t want him or their child, he’d let him go. “Sam, don’t go. Please stay. I’ve missed you and I don’t want to do this alone. I never did. I just didn’t want to force this kid on you. I didn’t want you to resent me or him.” 

 

Sam stopped. He spun around and looked at Dean. Him. Dean had said him. They were having a boy. “Him?” Sam repeated. Before either knew what had happened, Sam was pressed up against Dean, his hands cupping Dean’s face as he kissed Dean breathless. “A boy,” he said against Dean’s lips. “Please don’t be a dream,” Sam whispered as he kissed along Dean’s neck. 

 

“Not a dream,” Dean huffed out, trying to catch his breath as Sam nipped at his neck. He pulled away and heard Sam whine. “I love you, never stopped. I just thought that if I left, it would be for the best. I’ve missed you every day. Missed you so fucking much. But, we need to talk,” he said as he sat back down. 

 

“Yeah, we do,” Sam agreed as he grabbed one of the kitchen chairs, turned it around as he straddled it. He faced Dean, waiting for him to speak. 

 

“We need to figure things out. What we both want.” Dean chewed his bottom lip. Another nervous tell, he reminded himself. “I want what I have here. I fit in, the people at the diner, they accepted me, took me in, treated me like family. I also want this baby and you. So, the ball’s in your court. It’s your call.”

 

“Wow, so all or nothing, huh?” Sam breathed out. “What if I said I was willing to give you everything you wanted?” Sam watched as Dean’s eyes widened as he spoke. “I want my family back. You and our baby.” Sam stood and crossed to stand in front of Dean. “We’ll figure it out.”

 

“We can’t just say, yeah, so we’re brothers and we love each other. You know, more than brotherly love. What will we tell everyone?” Dean asked, feeling his panic rising at the thought of losing his home and the family he’d come to love if he chose to tell everyone the truth.

 

“No one here knows who we really are. We just tell them that we’re married. We were estranged, but that we’re back together, a family.”

 

“Yeah, and that will work for how long? Until one of our hunter buddies stumbles upon us and blows everything up in our faces?” Dean asked, imagining how everything could go wrong for them. Maybe it would be better to have their baby here and then leave, start somewhere else. The only problem was, where would they go that they didn’t have to fear that someone would blow their lives sky high?

 

“Then we tell them,” Sam said, his voice full of determination. “We’ve only got two choices, if you want to stay here. I can see you do. You’re happy here. You’ve made a life for yourself. I just want to be part of that, if you’ll have me. I love you. I can’t lose you again. Not when I know we’re having a baby. The other shit doesn’t matter to me, only you and this baby matter,” he said as he rested a hand over Dean’s stomach.

 

Dean shuddered at the sensation of having Sam touching him again. He felt heat pooling in his stomach and realized just how much he’d missed Sam’s touch, Sam’s body against his, Sam kissing him senseless. He wanted Sam to touch him, to lay him out on the bed and make love to him. He wanted Sam any way he would have him. He surged forward, bringing his hand up to tangle his fingers in Sam’s hair and pulled him down into a hungry kiss. “Yes,” Dean murmured against Sam’s lips. “Yes, I want you, our family. We’ll figure out. We’ll make this work.”

 

“I can’t believe you’re mine. That you’re having my baby,” Sam said as he pulled away from Dean’s lips.

 

“Less talking,” Dean groaned out. 

 

A knock at the door stopped anything else that might have happened between them.

 

Kim pushed the door open, “I spoke to Misha, he wants to see you . . .” She blushed as she noticed the disheveled appearance of the two men and their obvious desire for each other. 

 

Sam sputtered and Dean coughed as they pulled away from each other.

 

“Sorry,” Kim said as she shot them a tight smile. “Misha wants to see you, check you out. He said to come on over.”

 

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Dean said as he looked at Kim. “It’s about us.” He waved a hand between himself and Sam.

 

“Dean . . .” Sam started.

 

“It’s now or never. We’ll never feel accepted here, like we belong if we keep this secret. We’ll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. At least if we tell Kim, we’ll find out if we need to pick up and start over,” Dean said as he turned from Sam and back to Kim. 

 

“He’s more than just the baby’s father or my lover . . . husband.” He felt the beating of his heart quicken and his palms begin to get clammy. “He’s . . . he’s my younger brother.” He let the words hang in the air. He felt Sam move next to him, blanketing his body as Sam pressed himself up against him. He felt Sam’s fingers entwine themselves with his. He squeezed the hand, silently thanking Sam for his comfort and strength as the other wrapped protectively over their baby. 

 

“Okay . . . so you’re telling me your siblings,” Kim said in disbelief as she sat down on the empty kitchen chair. “Well shit, you weren’t kidding when you said it was complicated,” she breathed out. She stood and shoved her hands into her pockets. Rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet, she looked the two men over, saw how Sam had pressed himself up against Dean, took one of Dean’s hands in his and placed a protective hand over Dean’s belly. She smiled, seeing the love they had for each other. Society might consider their love wrong, but when had she ever given a shit about societal norms? Never. “What the fuck do I care? You love each other, that’s clear as the noses on your faces.” She stepped closer and looked up into Sam’s eyes. “You gonna stick around, help Dean raise this baby?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, if he wants me.” He tightened his grip on Dean’s hand.

 

“Not letting you go, again. I was stupid to leave you. I want my family together,” Dean said, returning the intensity of his grip on Sam’s hand.

 

“Good, then I don’t have to kick your ass. Now, get your asses into gear and downstairs so we can go to the clinic.” Kim turned on her heel and left the two to stare in disbelief after her retreating figure.

 

“Well, that went better than I imagined.” Sam couldn’t hide the astonishment in his voice. 

 

“Yeah, Kim’s full of fucking surprises. Come on, let’s not keep her or Misha waiting,” Dean said as he disentangled himself from Sam and led them downstairs to Kim who was waiting in her SUV for them.

 

As Sam trailed behind Dean his face scrunched up in confusion. Who was Misha? “Uh, Dean, who’s Misha?”

 

Dean snorted at the question, forgetting that Sam hadn’t been here with him through everything. “Oh, you’ll find out soon enough. I don’t want to ruin the mystery that is Misha,” he said as he got into the SUV with Sam’s help.

 

Once Kim was satisfied that they were all in, she backed out of the driveway and headed to the other side of town. She glanced over at Dean, saw how relaxed he was and then up at Sam through the rearview mirror. She caught his eyes and smirked at him. She could understand why these two good-looking men had been drawn to each other. Hell, if she had been given an offer by either of them, she could have jumped at it, or on them, whatever worked for all of them. She stifled the sigh that was bubbling up from her and forced her attention on the road. She heard Sam’s huff of breath as she pulled up along the mill building that housed the clinic. Getting out, she came around to help Dean out, only to find Sam had already done it. Without a word, they walked into the clinic and were immediately greeted by a concerned Misha.

 

“What took you so long?” Misha rasped out.

 

Instinctively, Sam took a step forward, placing himself in front of Dean with his hand on the gun hidden in the waistband of his jeans under his jacket. He felt Dean’s hand on his back and he slowly lowered his hand, but kept himself at the ready should he need to protect his family.   

 

Misha’s eyes looked over Kim and Dean before his view of Dean was cut off. He was forced to look up into the hazel eyes of a stranger. One who was clearly protecting Dean. He raised an eyebrow as he assessed the man before him. He was tall, broad shouldered and muscular. “Who’s this?” Misha asked with a nod of his head in Sam’s direction. 

 

Kim blushed slightly as she turned to Sam and Dean. How the hell was she going to explain just who Sam was? But then again, it wasn’t up to her. She stepped back and waited for one of the two men to answer Misha’s question.


	6. Meet Sam

 

 

“Sam, he’s my . . .” Dean swallowed. Oh crap this was were it was all going to fall apart; the life he’d created, his happiness. 

 

“Husband,” Sam interjected and felt Dean’s hand fist his jacket. He extended his right hand to Misha. “Sam Winchester, I’m Dean’s husband and the baby’s father.” He watched as Misha’s blue eyes went wide, his lips forming an ‘O’ as he took in the ‘admission’ of just who Sam was to Dean. “And you’re Misha?” Sam asked. 

 

Misha recovered from the shock and sidestepped Sam, looking at Dean. “Are you okay with him being here? I thought . . . How did he find you? Do you want me to call the cops?” The words came out in a rush. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sam tense and then turn to him.

 

“What!” Sam asked, his voice raising as he spoke. “What the hell do you think is going on that you’d need to call the cops?” He turned to look at Dean.

 

“Sam, this is Doctor Collins, he’s been overseeing my pregnancy.” Dean stepped forward, leaning into Sam, trying to diffuse the tense situation. “No Misha. We’re good. It’s okay. Long story, but I was a dumbass. Look, can we just get this over with?” Dean slid his hand down to take Sam’s hand in his, linking their fingers together. 

 

“Ah, yeah, of course. Let’s go back to one of the rooms so I can check you out.” Misha turned and led them through the door and to one of the examination rooms. He watched as Sam helped Dean up onto the table and then shot Kim a look. She returned it with a smirk and a shrug. She wasn’t about to say anything, and she wasn’t about to miss this soap opera as it unfolded. 

 

Misha inched closer to Dean, only to be blocked by Sam. “I kinda need you to move so I can examine Dean.” Misha’s tone was flat as he spoke to Sam.

 

“Right,” Sam said as he backed off, allowing Misha room to move. “Your blood pressure is elevated. Kim said you blacked out?”

 

“Kind of, only for a moment. I never fully lost consciousness. My vision kinda went black and I hit my knees, but that’s all,” Dean said with a shrug, trying to remember earlier events as they happened. 

 

“Shock can have that effect. I’m guessing you weren’t expecting your husband to show up and surprise you like he did.” 

 

“No, kind of a shock for everyone. Right Sam?” Dean turned his head and smiled weakly at Sam, seeing the swirl of emotions in Sam’s eyes.

 

“Yeah,” Sam responded. “Shock doesn’t begin to cover it. Are Dean and the baby okay?” Sam asked, trying to steer the conversation away from the painful remembrance of earlier in the day.

 

“Yes, although I want to do an ultrasound,” Misha said as he pulled the machine closer to himself and Dean. 

 

Sam watched as Dean pulled his shirt up over his protruding stomach and sucked in a breath. This was the first time he was actually seeing Dean’s pregnant belly. His eyes roved over the exposed skin and he felt the desire to kiss along the stretched skin. He wanted to kiss Dean’s lips, to thank him for giving him this gift, their child.

 

“Okay, let’s see how Levi is doing today.”

 

“Levi?” Sam asked.

 

“Yeah, I couldn’t keep calling him it or blob or even just him. Just kinda seemed to fit, unless you don’t like it.” Dean tensed as he looked up at Sam.

 

“Levi Winchester.” Sam smiled as he said the name out loud. “No, it’s perfect.”  

 

Dean reached out a hand to Sam. “Come here, you’re gonna be blown away.”

 

Sam accepted the offered hand and came to stand next to Dean as the machine snapped on and he was met with the image of his child. He watched as the baby shifted inside of Dean and all he wanted to do was touch Dean’s stomach. He heard Dean’s breath hitch and his eyes snapped up, thinking Dean was in pain. He saw the tears as they rolled down Dean’s cheeks. He wiped them away. “Are you in pain?” Sam asked cautiously. He watched as Dean’s throat worked to answer him.

 

Dean shook his head. “No. Just never thought that we’d get to do this together. God, I missed you. I’m such a dumbass.”

 

“Hey, stop it. I’m here now. I’ll take whatever I can get.” He leaned down and kissed Dean chastely on the lips. There would be time for hot, passion laded kisses when they were alone.

 

Sam turned his attention back to the screen and watched as the baby continued to move for a moment before going still. He heard Misha ‘hmph’, which drew his attention to the doctor. “What?” Sam asked, not hiding his suspicion or concern. 

 

“Have you been feeling any cramps?” Misha turned from the machine and looked Dean in the eyes. 

 

“No.” Dean shook his head. “My back’s been bothering me, it’s kind of hard to find a comfortable position, but that’s about it. Why, is everything okay with Levi?” He bit his bottom lip as he waited for Misha’s reply. 

 

“No nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t having any signs of early labor. If you do feel cramping around your stomach, don’t wait it out. Call me, night or day. If the back pain intensifies, call me. I’d rather you be safe, than sorry. You’re getting close to your due date and being a male carrier, there can be complications.”

 

Sam straightened up and looked at Misha. “Complications? Like what?” He took a step forward toward Misha, his hands clenching and unclenching.

 

“Well, for the baby there can be many such as Apnea, Anemia, Jaundice, Respiratory Distress Syndrome just to name a few. For Dean, there’s pre-eclampsia, pregnancy-induced hypertension and gestational diabetes. That’s why I’m keeping a close eye on your husband and the baby.” 

 

“So, what can I do to help prevent any of this from happening?” Sam asked.

 

“There’s not much you can do. But, by keeping Dean healthy and as free from stress as possible, it’s a start.” Misha turned to the ultrasound machine, grabbed a printout and handed it to Sam. “This is your sonogram from today. Why don’t you help Dean get situated and ready to go home? Kim, let’s give them a few minutes,” Misha said as he ushered the woman out of the room. 

 

Once they were far enough away from the room, he turned to her, anger flashing in his blue eyes. “What the hell was that? The man Dean has been hiding from just happens to show up? I knew he should have taken me up on the offer to reinvent himself. He could be somewhere else, safe, with a new identity.” He raised a fisted hand and punched the wall in anger and frustration.

 

“Misha, Dean was the one to make his choice. You can’t put that on yourself. He didn’t feel comfortable running anymore or changing his name. You tried. Besides, did you see how happy he was? He loves Sam and it’s clear that Sam loves him. There’s nothing else for us to do, except support Dean in his decision.” Kim stopped speaking as she heard a noise behind her and turned to find Sam standing there, a stoney look on his face.

 

“Look, I know you’re trying to protect Dean . . . That you think I might have hurt him in some way. I never raised a hand to him, if that’s what you’re thinking.” He heard the heat in his voice and took a deep breath to calm down. “He overheard part of a conversation, thought I didn’t want to be a father. He ran. I get that. I’ve moved Heaven and Hell to find him, get my husband back.” The smile that Kim gave at the word husband didn’t go unnoticed by him, but he continued on. “I love him and this baby. I’m over the moon that he’s having my child, that he’s giving us another chance. I hope you can respect that. Respect Dean’s choice. He wants to stay here, he’s happy and I don’t want to take that from him. But, if you’re going to give him a hard time about it, make him regret his decision or make him choose, then after the baby is born, we’ll leave.” He shot a heated look at Misha before turning around and going back into the room with Dean.

 

“Hey, you ready?” Sam’s voice asked as it carried out from the room. “Yeah, just need a little help here.” Dean’s voice shot back. “Wait, Dean, here, take my arm . . .”

 

Kim turned to Misha. “Just let it go. Let’s just be happy for them. Dean has alway said that he left because of the baby, that Sam never hit him. I believe him.” She grabbed onto Misha’s wrist and pulled him from the hallway and into the empty waiting room. She leaned against the door jam, waiting for Sam and Dean to join them.

 

As they entered the room, Misha gave Sam a cautious smile. “Okay, I’d like to see you back in a week. I think from now until the baby is born, weekly checkups are best.”

 

“Whatever you think is best for Dean and Levi, we’ll make happen. Does Dean need to call when the clinic is open to make this appointment or can I . . .” He let his voice trail off as he looked at Dean. “I mean, what do you want, Dean?”

 

“Dean, you'll have to change your contact information so Sam can call on your behalf, if that's what you want. But, I can make the appointment for you right now.” Misha disappeared into the reception area. “How's next Friday, at two? Does that work for you?”

 

Dean looked at Sam, waiting for him to respond. Sam gave him a wide smile. “Dean, it's up to you. Whatever you want, whatever you need. It's fine with me.”

 

“Yeah, that's fine. Uh, can I change the information or at least add Sam to it? I want both him and Kim on it, just in case.”

 

“Sure,” Misha responded as he riffled through the patient files until he found Dean’s file. He brought it out to Dean and handed him the needed paper. 

 

Dean wrote Sam’s name and then hesitated. “Uh, still the same number?” Dean asked. His face flushed at the question, realizing that he hadn’t thought to ask Sam if anything had changed. 

 

“Yeah, never changed it in case you wanted to get in touch with me,” Sam said as he rubbed Dean’s back, trying to soothe away the awkwardness.

 

“Okay,” Dean responded as he wrote down Sam’s number and handed the paper back to Misha. “So, we’ll see you on Friday.”

 

“Remember, call me if you have any concerns,” Misha called out as the three left.

 

“Alright, why don’t we go grab a bite to eat and introduce everyone to Sam.” Kim started the engine and pulled onto the road, heading back to the diner. “Look, not everyone is gonna accept your relationship. I don’t give a shit and no one will ever hear that you’re brothers from me. But, I think it’s best if you keep it to yourselves. Being a male carrier and pregnant is one thing, they accepted it. But, this revelation . . . I just don’t know.” She saw the tight looks on their faces. “I’ll back you up either way,” she said as they pulled into the diner’s parking lot.

 

As the diner’s door swung open, the three surveyed the place. Seeing that it was dead for the time being, Kim call everyone out to the front. “Listen up everyone. Dean has something to tell you.”

 

Dean waited until Ty, Felicia and Osric came around to sit at the counter, three sets of eyes focused on him before they flicked over at Sam. He felt Kim give his trembling hand a squeeze before she moved off to join the other three. 

 

“Dean.” Sam’s voice was soft in his ear. He felt Sam’s hand on the small of his back and he glanced over to him. He saw the smile on Sam’s lips and returned it before turning his attention back to his new family. 

 

“I ah, I wanted to, um wanted to . . .” He felt his mouth dry up as he tried to get the words out.

 

Sam dropped his hand from Dean’s back and stepped forward. “I’m Sam Winchester, Dean’s husband.” He watched as three sets of eyes widened before a red-headed woman jumped up and he found himself in a tight hug. He sputtered in shock as he tried to catch his breath. 

 

“Oh, my God!” the woman squealed out and Sam winced at the high-pitched sound. “I’m Felicia, by the way.” She finally let Sam go and turned to Dean. “Where have you been hiding your man? Why have you been hiding him?” she asked as she looked Sam up and down. “Never mind, I’d hide him too, if he was my husband.” She backed away, mumbling something about two good-looking men being gay and married as she sat back down. Sam wasn’t too sure, his hearing was still recovering from the ear-piercing sounds that this tiny woman was able to produce. If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought she was part dolphin. 

 

“Well, where have you been?” Ty questioned, silencing the room.

 

“Ty, Sam and I . . . it’s,” Dean started.

 

“No, it’s okay, Dean. They care about you and there’s no reason to hide the truth. We had a misunderstanding. Dean left me. But, I’m here to make things right between us, to get my family back.”

 

He watched as Ty crossed his arms over his chest and eyed him skeptically before finally nodding his head. 

 

“So, do you cook? Because I could use some help back there since Dean’s working the front now.”

 

“Ty!” Kim admonished him.

 

“What?” Ty shrugged. “It was just a question. Plus, the guy’s gotta have a job if he’s gonna help support his family.”

 

“Uh, no. sorry. Dean’s the cook in our family,” Sam said with a rueful smile. “But you’re not wrong. If we’re staying. I’m gonna need to find a job.” 

 

“If you’re staying, what do you mean? You thought about leaving?” Kim couldn’t hide the shock in her voice or the look of betrayal on her face. She’d never thought about Dean leaving. She’d pictured him staying right where he was, living in the garage apartment, going back to being a cook and letting her have as much time with the baby as possible. The thought had never occurred to her that he might want to leave. She felt the need to sit down and pulled Dean’s stool closer. “I guess I never thought about you leaving.” She looked at Ty, Kevin and Felicia and saw what she was feeling reflected in their faces. Over the few months that Dean had been in Port Gamble, he’d become more than an employee to her and coworker to the others. He was a friend and had become family. Now that he had Sam back and would soon give birth to their child, there really wasn’t anything stopping him from leaving. She sighed and forced a smile on her face. She’d already told them on the drive back that she’d support their decision, so if that decision was now to leave, then she’d give them her support.

 

“We’d leave only if Dean wanted to. He wants to stay here, so I guess we’re staying.” Sam looked at the four sets of eyes on him and Dean and watched as the frowns they wore turned to smiles. He saw the love they had for his brother and child. Yeah, they were staying in Port Gamble. 

 

Osric was the first to make a move. He stood up and extended his hand to Sam. “Dude, that is great to hear. We’d miss Dean and probably would stage some kind of crazy intervention thing.” He looked over his shoulder at Felicia and then turned back. “Well, Felicia would and then she’d rope us all into it. It wouldn’t be pretty and probably end horribly.” He chucked and than shook Sam’s hand before taking his seat again.

 

“Yes, why is it that your master plans always blow up?” Ty asked as he eyed an innocent looking Felicia who just shrugged and began to twirl a lock of her hair before turning back to Sam and Dean. “Well, I for one am glad you’re staying.”

 

“My master plans are awesome. You just never follow directions,” Felicia shot at Ty before shooting up and hugged Sam again. “My, my, so many muscles,” she whispered and laughed when Sam’s cheeks turned pink. “Oh, he’s so adorable,” she said as she turned to Dean. “But, if you ever do decide to actually get rid of him, toss him my way.” She winked at Dean and then laughed as his face flushed. “Of course, I’ll take you too, Dean.” With that she cackled, causing the others to break out into laughter.

 

“Okay, you degenerates, back to work,” Kim called out. “You two, take a seat and I’ll be over in a minute.” Kim motioned to Sam and Dean as she spoke. She walked over to the menus, grabbed two and then returned to find them sitting in a quiet area away from everyone. She noticed they were holding hands as she walked over to them and placed the menus down. “It’s on the house, so order what you want.” She turned to Dean, “As long as it’s healthy.” She saw the pout and chuckled as she walked away.

 

Sam squeezed Dean’s. “Hey, no one’s watching what I’m eating. I could order a burger and fries and slip you some.” He watched as Dean’s eyes lit up and a half smile appeared on his lips. 

 

“Okay, what would you two like to order?” Felicia asked as she peered at them over her order pad. 

 

Grudgingly Dean ordered a salad as Sam ordered a burger and fries. He pursed his lips together as he handed the menus to Felicia. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered,” she whispered to Dean as she leaned in to grab the menus before disappearing to place their orders.

 

“Come on, it’s not that bad. Plus, salad is good for you; eating healthy is a good thing, Dean.” Sam snorted out as he saw Dean roll his eyes.

 

“Do I look like Bugs Bunny to you?” Dean gritted out, his eyes flashing briefly with mild anger before being eclipsed with mischief. “Besides, did you just order a salad? No, you ordered a cheeseburger just to taunt me.

 

“No, you’re sexier than Bugs,” Sam retorted. “Ow! Hey, no fair. No kicking.” Sam reached down to rub his shin where Dean had kicked him under the table. “I give you a complement and you resort to physical violence? So not cool.” 

 

Any further banter stopped when Felicia appeared at their table with their order. She winked at Dean as she slid a slice of apple pie in front of him along with his salad. “Hurry up and eat that first before Kim kicks both our asses.” She looked furtively around the diner, making sure Kim was nowhere in the vicinity as Dean took a bite and moaned. “Shh, you’re gonna get us all in trouble.” She watched as Dean quickly devoured the pie before whisking the empty plate away and leaving them to eat.

 

“You were making sinful noises while eating that pie,” Sam pouted out at Dean. “I guess you don’t want a bite, huh?” He held up the burger, only a few inches from Dean and watched as Dean’s eyes danced in glee. 

 

“Give me,” Dean pleaded to Sam.

 

“That all you want?” Sam’s voice was playful but heated, letting Dean know his desire for him. He let Dean take a bite from his burger before pulling it back and biting into it himself.

 

“What I want, I can’t have right now. I don’t think Port Gamble would take too kindly to me riding you on top of this table,” Dean purred.

 

Sam glanced over his shoulder before turning back to Dean, a wicked smile on his face. “Probably not, but I think Felicia might enjoy watching. But, then again, I’m not into sharing you with anyone else.”

 

Patting his stomach, Dean looked up from behind soot colored lashes, “You’re kinda gonna have to once Levi comes along.” He gave Sam a coy smile before finally digging into his salad, still wishing it was a burger of his own. 

 

Sam offered Dean a few fries and watched as they were consumed in record time. “Yeah, that I can handle. Levi is ours. I can share you with our son.”

 

“Good, because he’s the only other person I’m willing to share you with,” Dean shot back at Sam with a smile. 

 

“So, I guess if we’re staying, I’ll need to find a job. I can’t let you support our little family alone. Plus, we’ll need to find a bigger place. I don’t think your place is gonna cut it with me there. Once Levi comes, it’s gonna be tight quarters.” 

 

Dean grimaced at Sam’s words. “Yeah.” He pushed his salad around on his plate with his fork. He hadn’t thought about that. Not really. He knew eventually he’d have to get a bigger place, like six or seven years down the road, but not so soon. He liked where he lived, liked having Kim’s  company and knowing she was only a few steps away. Her presence in his life had been a comfort to him when he’d been falling apart from missing Sam and dealing with everything on his own. 

 

“What?” Sam questioned, seeing Dean’s pained looked.

 

“Nothing,” he said as he placed his fork on his plate and pushed the food away from himself. He heaved a sigh. “Just never thought about moving. I just thought we,” as he waved a hand over his stomach, “would just be staying at Kim’s. But, I guess you’re right. The place isn’t that big, barely fits me. How are we gonna fit all three of us there?” 

 

Sam reached over and grabbed Dean’s hand. “Hey, we don’t have to do this all at once. Baby steps.” Sam tilted his head back and laughed at his own joke. He watched as Dean’s lips quirked into a smile, the corners of Dean’s eyes wrinkled as Dean joined him.

 

“Hey, good one.” Dean pulled his hand back from Sam’s and motioned for Felicia.

 

Felicia strolled over to him and looked at his unfinished plate of food. “Something wrong with your salad? Better not let Ty know that.” 

 

“No, we’re done. I just need the check and then I’m gonna go. I need to lay down for a while.”

 

“Yeah, you know how Kim is. It’s on the house.” She turned to walk away and stopped. She turned around. “Oh, there’s some stuff in the kitchen for you. Maybe Sam here can help you,” Felicia said as she ran her fingers up and down Sam’s arm while smiling sweetly at Dean.

 

“Hands off,” Dean growled.

 

“Oh, so you’re staking your claim? Good, it’s about time.” She gave Dean a wide grin as she withdrew her hand and then leaned down to whisper to Sam. “You better put a ring on that finger of yours and Dean’s. There might be someone around here who’s got his or her eye on your man. Just saying,” she said as she retreated, holding her hands up in mock surrender.

 

Sam turned his attention to Dean’s naked ring finger of his left hand. “Yeah, I probably should so no one gets the wrong idea about you. Especially Misha. I think he has a thing for you.”

 

Dean looked at Sam, saw the possessive gleam in his eyes and began to laugh. “Oh, come on Sammy. Right, Misha’s my doctor. The only feelings he has for me are over my health. Help me up,” Dean said as he tried to push himself up from the table. 

 

Sam stood, went around to Dean’s side of the table and pulled him to his feet before following him out back to the kitchen. On one of the counters was a box and two bags marked with Dean’s name on it. Dean walked over to them and began to look through them. The bags were filled with premade food which he recognized as Ty’s cooking. The box contained groceries and he smiled, knowing this was yet another attempt at Ty trying to help out in his own way. He felt Sam press up against him trying to see what Dean was looking at.

 

“What’s this?” Sam asked, his face scrunched up as he poked through everything. 

 

“Ty’s mother henning,” Dean shot out, raising his voice so Ty would be able to hear him on the cook’s line.

 

“Not mother henning, just making sure little Ty is well fed,” Ty cackled back at Dean.

 

“Told you, you’re on your own with this whole little Ty thing. The baby’s name is Levi,” Dean called back. “Ty tries to help out when he can. I don’t make a lot working here, tips and about a hundred in cash, off the books. Kim pays me with the apartment and meals.” He saw the look of anger that darkened Sam’s face. He knew what Sam was thinking. Kim was taking advantage of him. “I ah, I couldn’t really be put on the books since I was supposed to be staying off the grid so if you looked for me you wouldn’t find me. I had to stop using the credit cards and I was running out of cash. It’s the best we could come up with. Misha offered to help, get me papers, but I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stop being a Winchester, no matter how appealing it sounded,” he whispered as he looked down. Suddenly trying to see his feet over his pregnant belly was much more interesting. “I couldn’t let go.”

 

“Oh, right,” Sam responded in a soft voice. He should have realized how hard it had been for Dean; doing all of this on his own, doing whatever he needed to get by. He’d need to double his efforts to make things easier for Dean until Levi was born. He placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder, turning him from the counter to face him. He saw that Dean still wouldn’t meet his eyes. He placed two fingers under Dean’s chin, raising Dean’s face up to meet his. “You did what you needed to do. Never be ashamed of that. In fact, it makes you pretty amazing.” He leaned forward and nipped at Dean’s lower lip, enjoying the slight gasp it elicited from Dean. “Come on, let’s get these and go home. I’ll get Kim and then move these to her SUV. Don’t move them,” he admonished, knowing Dean would want to help. “I mean it, Dean. Leave them alone,” he said over his shoulder as he walked into the diner area to get Kim to take them home.

 

Sam watched as Kim rang up a customer before approaching her. He waited for the customer to leave before walking over to her. “Hey, Kim. Do you think you could give us a ride back? Dean’s pretty beat and I’d like him to get some rest.” He looked around, saw there were still other customers to be waited on and knew Dean was probably expected to work. “Unless Dean has to work. I don’t want to get in the way or step on your toes.”

 

Kim flashed him a heartfelt smile. If Sam was always this attentive to Dean, then she was sure he was in good hands. “Sure, Sam. Let me just finish up here and I’ll drive you back. Here are the keys, why don’t you help Dean get situated?” She turned back to take care of another customer wanting to pay as Sam walked back into the kitchen.

 

“Come on, Kim gave me the keys. I’ll help you out first and then come back for this stuff.” He heard Dean make a sound, almost a growl.

 

“I’m not an invalid, I’m just pregnant,” Dean huffed out in annoyance. He was certain he was more than capable of carrying out a bag or two to the SUV. It just didn’t sit well with him; everyone treating him like he was made of glass. Before this, he used to kill supernatural creatures. He was still capable of doing that, if the need arose.

 

“Never said you were. But, you need to take it easy.” Sam saw the look of anger on Dean’s face. Knowing Dean was about to explode, he inched closer. “Come on, don’t take this away from me. Let me do this, let me take care of you. You don’t always have to be the strong one and you’re not alone, not anymore. Besides, I have to make up for some lost time, don’t I?” Sam flashed him a smile, one that showed off his dimples, one that he knew Dean couldn’t say no to.

 

“Hmm, fine,” Dean shot over his shoulder as he turned to leave empty-handed, muttering about how he could still carry at least one of the bags.

 

Once Dean was tucked into the passenger’s side of the SUV, Sam doubled back to grab the bags and the box. 

 

“Here, let me help you with that,” Kim said as she reached to open the back door for him. “You got everything?” She saw Sam shake his head yes. “Good, let’s get your husband home.” She couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped her lips. She enjoyed ribbing them over the entire husband thing, knowing the true extent of their relationship. She held the door open for Sam as he went through with the box and bags before going out to help him get them situated in the back of the SUV.

 

Within twenty minutes Kim was pulling up outside the garage. As she got out, she offered to help Dean and Sam. She noticed that Dean ignored her and started to walk away. 

 

“No, I’ve got it.” Sam looked over at Dean and saw the irritation clearly written on his face. “He’s feeling like we’re babying him right now. It’s best to let him do somethings for himself or he’s going to explode. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen it when he does, but it’s not pretty.” He explained as he grabbed his duffle bag from the Jeep he’d been driving. He gave her a weak smile as he followed Dean inside, managing to carry everything in one haul.

 

Kim returned the smile as she got in the SUV and drove back to the diner.  

 


	7. Settling In

 

 

Sam found Dean sitting in the glider, staring at the blackened TV. He placed the box and bags on the table and walked over to Dean, standing in front of him until Dean finally acknowledged him. “Dean it’s not a reflection of weakness to let others help you.” He turned back to the kitchen and began to unpack and put things away. Once done, he started to walk over to the bedroom, duffle bag in hand. “I'm gonna go grab a shower. You wanna join me?” Sam said, glancing over his shoulder, a sly smile on his face.

 

“No, I'm just gonna lay down.” Dean pulled himself to his feet and started to walk past Sam, only to stop in the doorway. “What the . . .”

 

“What?” Sam asked, concern for Dean registering in his voice. He tried to move Dean out of the way, fearing that something of the supernatural aspect was about to attack. Dean finally moved aside so he could see what Dean had been looking at. His eyes focused on an item in front of the bed. He saw that it was a crib. “Is that a crib?” Sam asked, surprised to see the item. Had it been there earlier before they had left for the clinic and he just hadn’t noticed it? He looked back at Dean and saw the look of shock on his face.

 

“I take it that you didn't buy that or all the stuff that's with it.”

 

“No, that's new. I came home one night and the glider and footrest were here.” Dean walked closer, hand outstretched to touch the wooden crib. The crib was the same rich brown wood as the glider and footrest. He felt a rush of emotions as he looked at it. He’d been trying to save what he could to buy a crib. He’d seen one for sale in the  _ ‘Wanted’ _ section of the newspaper, but Felicia and Kim had stopped him from even going to look at it, let alone buying it. 

 

“No, Dean, just no,” Felicia had admonished when she’d seen the big black circle around the ad. 

 

He’d looked up at her, not understanding her concern. Kim had migrated over to the two to find out what had Felicia going off on Dean. She was usually very patient and soft-spoken with him. Hearing Felicia’s raised voice had sparked her interest.

 

“What’s going on over here?” Kim asked.

 

“Dean is interested in a second-hand crib.” Felicia said it like he was contemplating stealing a child’s toy or candy.

 

“No, Dean . . .” Kim started to interject as Dean cut her off.

 

“Why? It’s what I can afford. It’s worth a look,” he huffed out.

 

“Dean, a glider is one thing. This is something your baby is going to sleep in. Car seats, mattresses and cribs can’t be second-hand. At least not for Levi’s safety. Trust me on this,” Felicia said, resting a hand on his shoulder before turning away to wait on a customer who had called out to her.

 

Dean looked up into Kim’s eyes, hoping she’d back him up, only to find that she was siding with Felicia. “She’s right,” Kim said over her shoulder as she moved away to take care of a couple who’d just walked in.

 

“So, what am I supposed to do? I can’t afford a new crib and mattress,” he muttered to himself. The feeling of inadequacy washed over him and he felt the sting of tears pricking at his eyes. He had looked at new cribs and a few other items he knew he’d need for a newborn; everything was so expensive. He had no idea how he was going to save up enough money on what little he made. He’d already spent a sizeable amount on clothing, above what had just shown up one day, to accommodate his growing midsection as well as items he knew Levi would need right away; diapers, wipes and tons of clothing. How was he ever going to provide for Levi? He could barely provide for himself right now.

 

Sam’s voice pulled him from his thoughts. He turned to look at Sam, surprise clearly etched on his face and watched as Sam dropped his duffle bag to the floor.

 

“You had no idea about this?” Sam picked up one of the bags that occupied the crib and placed it on Dean's bed.

 

“No, Kim and Felicia stopped me from buying a used crib. I’ve bought some stuff for Levi, but I’ve been trying to save for a crib and a stroller. That stuff is pricey, you have no idea.” 

 

“So, what, aside from the food, they just do this? Just drop by and leave you things?” Sam could hear the tone of his voice, he could see by Dean’s response, that fact that Dean took a step back from him, that it was angry sounding. But, it didn’t sit well with him, Dean being so vulnerable. 

 

Dean shook his head and swallowed several times, forcing the emotions he was fighting back down. He turned to look at Sam, “They’re always doing things like that.” Dean saw the look of concern on Sam’s face. He knew what he was thinking. Someone had come into his home, essentially uninvited, while he was out. How safe was that for him and their unborn child? He forced the smile that was threatening to form on his lips away. He had to admit, he liked Sam’s protectiveness, even if he didn’t need it. He could still protect himself, could still shoot a gun or wield a knife. Even at eight months pregnant, he still had a hunter’s edge to him. He hadn’t let go of everything he’d learned over the years, even though he was no longer a hunter. “I know what you’re thinking, any one of them could have come in here to hurt me or the baby. But, I’ve taken every precaution. I managed to ward Kim’s place, the garage, the diner and clinic. So I know the few places I go are safe.”

 

He watched as Sam seemed to war with himself. He could tell that Sam was trying to pick his words carefully. He felt himself tense, his body going rigid as he became defensive, waiting for a tongue lashing from Sam. Thankfully, it never came. 

 

Sam raised a hand to his forehead and rubbed it before pinching the bridge of his nose. He was ready to lose it with Dean, but was holding back, trying to remind himself that Dean wouldn’t do something stupid. He’d do everything he was capable of to keep himself and their child safe. He wouldn’t willingly put himself in harm’s way, not now, not with knowing what was at stake. He took several deep breaths before saying anything. He needed to tread carefully, Dean was volatile right now. He’d already snapped at not being able to carry two plastic bags filled with takeout food. If he said the wrong thing, Dean could go off and he didn’t want that, not after Collins’ warning, keep Dean as stress free as possible. “Okay, if you’re sure, then this place is safe.” He saw the tension drain from Dean as his body began to relax. “How about we see what’s in these bags?” he offered with a wide smile and watched as Dean returned the smile and crossed the room to sit on the bed. 

 

Dean picked up the bag that Sam had already placed on the bed and began to pull items from it. The first item was a set of onesies with sayings about being  _ ‘Daddy’s #1 little man’ _ ,  _ ‘I love Daddy’ _ and  _ ‘I’m too cute for this onesie’ _ . Dean held them up to show Sam, a soft smile played on his lips as he did. The next item was a set of swaddling blankets that had them both raising an eyebrow at. “What the hell is a swaddling blanket?” Dean asked as he looked at them. The only thing he got from Sam was some kind of noncommittal noise. He placed them next to the onesies and pulled out the last item, a black leather diaper bag. He began to unzip the bag and look through its pockets. “This thing has a separate bag for dirty clothes,” he said as he held up a black mesh bag before placing it next to the other items. 

 

Sam handed Dean the second bag. “There has got to be about four more bags in here, after that one. Who knew a baby could need this much stuff?” He’d never raised a child before, but Dean had raised him, taken care of him from the age of six months, so he was pretty sure none of this really surprised him.

 

Dean pulled out the contents, fitted sheets with the theme of elephants in soft blues, greens and grays, a matching quilt and musical mobile and remote with dangling elephants in matching colors. He clicked the remote to activate the music. The sound of  _ Lullaby _ by Brahms filtered through the air. He smiled as he realized he actually knew the music he was listening to. “I actually know that one,” he said as he placed the items back in the bag. He looked up to see Sam holding out another bag. He shook his head, “No, you open one.”

 

Sam sat down next to Dean and dropped the bag to the floor before reaching in and pulling out something he had no idea what it was, aside from the fact that it was a set of three. He turned it around, a puzzled look on his face. “What the hell is a sleepsack?” He saw Dean shrug his shoulders, letting him know he had no idea himself. He laid the item over his leg as he pulled out the next item, a sound machine. “It’s supposed to help soothe a baby to sleep. This could come in handy.” He pulled the final item out of the bag, bibs. He knew what those were and what they were used for. “Finally, something I know.” He chuckled as he repacked the bag. “Okay, let’s see what’s next.” He reached into the crib and picked up a large, heavy feeling bag. Knowing this was something he didn’t want Dean lifting, he pulled the item out, to find a box containing a tiny chair. He read the description. “It’s something called a Rock ‘N Play. It’s supposed to soothe a baby with a rocking motion,” he said as he held it up for Dean to see. He dug into the bottom of the bag and pulled out sling. “Hey, this is used to carry the baby around and you can keep your arms free.” He saw the look on Dean’s face and realized what he’d just said. “Okay, my arms free,” he smiled as he spoke. 

 

He handed Dean the next bag, and watched as Dean pulled out what looked like a large pillow. “Who gives a baby a pillow?” Dean muttered as he looked at the item. “Oh, it’s something you use to change the baby on or they can nap or play on. We can take it anywhere with us.”

 

The last bag they opened together to find an assortment of baby toys; rattles, bath toys, crib toys, an activity mat and musical toys.

 

In the corner of the crib, resting against the mattress was a wrapped gift with an envelope. He picked it up and handed it to Dean and watched as Dean tore the paper away. Dean held up the package, a cover used to cover a cart seat to keep the sun out of a baby’s face. Dean handed it to him so he could open the card. 

 

“It’s from Kim,” Dean said as he read the card. 

 

_ Dean, _

 

_ My gift to you is a car seat that I had installed in your car. It passes all safety inspections so you don’t have to worry about Levi’s safety. It’s called an all-in-one car seat and stroller. _

 

_ Enjoy, _

_ Kim _

 

As Dean stood, he noticed something on the floor and tried to bend down to get it. “Sam can you pick that up?” he asked, fighting the frustration he was feeling at not being able to do it himself. “It must have fallen out.

 

Sam scooped up the item, an envelope and handed it to Dean to open. 

 

Dean opened the card to find a gift card taped to the inside of it. He showed it to Sam before he read what was written on the inside.

 

_ Dean, _

 

_ We knew you’d kill us if we threw you an actual baby shower, so this is what we did for you instead. We all pitched in together to get you the many things a baby will need. We also took up a collection from our customers and vendors - all who love you - so you can get things that Levi needs down the road.  _

 

_ Love, _

_ Felicia, Ty, Osric, Tom, Matt & Richard _

 

Dean found himself wiping away the tears as he read the card. He had no words for what he was feeling. He just knew his chest was ready to burst with happiness and love that he felt for his adopted family. But, it was nothing compared to what he felt for Sam and the baby he was carrying. He handed the card to Sam to let him read it. 

 

“Wow, no wonder you want to stay here. These people really care for you huh?” Sam went silent for a moment. He wasn’t sure how he felt about this, While he was happy that Dean hadn’t been alone, his heart felt heavy with the thought of Dean having to find someone else, anyone else to rely on. It should have been him that Dean was relying on. Then he felt a spark of anger. Anger at Dean for leaving him, for not giving him the chance to go through everything with Dean. The anger flared up as he looked at Dean standing there, looking at all the items for their baby. Dean had run rather than staying and talking to him. But, that of course was what Dean did at times, run. Sam had to thank their father for that. Rather than teaching Dean how to deal with his feelings, John had taught him how to run from them. And, as he thought about this, the anger was gone. How could he truly fault Dean for what had been ingrained in him? He would just have to try to make sure Dean knew that he wasn’t in this alone. He was here now and he wasn’t going anywhere. He wasn’t leaving Dean or their baby. 

 

Dean looked at Sam, he saw how tense Sam was all of a sudden. He could feel anger rolling off Sam in waves. “What?” Dean asked quietly.

 

“I’m glad you had them to get you through this. It’s just, you didn’t have to do this all on your own.” Sam saw the moment Dean’s shoulders fell and he turned in on himself. He shook his head, he hadn’t meant to make Dean feel bad about his decisions. He reached out for Dean, only for Dean to try to move away from him. “No, don’t do that. Don’t move away from me and don’t internalize things. We just need to talk about things, not keep things from each other.” He reached out again and felt himself relax as Dean leaned into his touch, letting him settle into the embrace, holding each other as if they hadn’t dare to touch each other before now. 

 

“You know, we should probably talk about everything.” He saw the look on Dean’s face. He knew Dean didn’t like discussing his feelings while he, himself had no real issue doing it. He found it was easier to lay everything out in the open and deal with it, while Dean prefered to bottle things up, push them down and try to forget his feelings ever existed. “I, uh, I want to stay, here with you, but if it’s too much I can go. I can see about getting a room at the  _ Rodeo Inn _ . I passed it on the way in.” He rocked back and forth on his feet, waiting for Dean to answer him. He was beginning to feel as if he’d read Dean wrong. Maybe he liked the idea of having him here, liked not being alone, but that was far as his feeling had gone. Maybe Dean really didn’t want him here, in the apartment. He could understand that. He’d accept Dean’s decision, no matter what it was. He’d respect it and do as Dean asked of him. 

 

“Look I’m tired. I don’t want to have any major life changing talks now, or ever,” Dean shot out at Sam. “But, I’ll admit, everything I said earlier, I meant. I want you here. I want us to work things out. I like the idea of calling you my husband. Can we just leave it at that?” Dean felt like he was being reduced to a pleading, whiny bitch. He just couldn’t deal with anymore changes in his life. “I don’t want to do this alone, not anymore. I want you here with me, with us,” he said as he placed his hands over his swollen belly. “Can we just let things go and start fresh?”

 

Sam heaved a sigh of relief. Dean had admitted his feeling if only briefly, and he was fine with that. He was ready to do anything Dean wanted. “Yeah, that sounds good to me. So, it looks like I’m staying.” He went to retrieve his duffle bag, picked it up and turned back to Dean. “Um, I can still get a room and then we can figure out in the morning how to go about this,” Sam offered, trying not to push an already exhausted Dean to his breaking point.

 

“No, my husband is not going to spend another night apart from me,” Dean said as he placed his hand on his hips, ending any further discussion.

 

Sam started for the bathroom, intent on taking his shower when the niggling little thought that had passed through his brain earlier pushed its way to the forefront of his mind. There was one thing that was bothering Sam. It was a thought that had burrowed into his brain when he’d first seen Dean and he couldn’t get rid of it. He had to ask it, even if it upset Dean. “Dean, did you know?” 

 

Dean’s head snapped up, his face scrunched up in confusion as he looked at Sam, not understanding the question. “Did I know what?”

 

“That you were a carrier? Did you know?” 

 

Anger darkened Dean’s feature. “What are you accusing me of?!” he bellowed out. “You think I knew and did this to trap you?”

 

Sam shook his head no as he raised his hands. “No, no, I never thought that. I just wondered if you knew. I mean, it’s not like I thought you planned this. I never thought that. It’s not something that ever crossed my mind, that you did this on purpose. I just wondered if you knew. Maybe Dad mentioned something, even in passing.” Sam rubbed his arm, feeling nervous.

 

“No, Sam. I had no idea until I found out that I was pregnant. Happy?” His voice was dripping with sarcasm as he looked at Sam.

 

Sam held his hands up in surrender, trying to placate Dean. “I’m sorry, I just had to ask. This is all knew to me. I’m still a little overwhelmed.”

 

“You’re overwhelmed, trying being eight months pregnant. Try finding out that you’re a male carrier, after you’ve gotten your ass pregnant. Then talk to me about being overwhelmed.” He let himself slip back down onto the bed, sitting with his body leaning forward as he tried to take some of the strain off of his back. His breath was coming in quick gasps as he tried to calm himself down. His vision was becoming black around the edges and he squeezed his eyes shut, willing his body to relax.

 

“Dean!” Sam’s voice had taken on an edge of alarm as he dropped down in front of his brother. No, lover and husband his mind corrected him. “Dean,” he said in a slightly calmer voice. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. And, I don’t mean to imply that what I’m feeling outweighs what you’re feeling. It’s just that you’ve had longer to deal with this, to accept it. This just kinda smacked me in the face is all.” 

 

“Yeah,” Dean said as he felt his breathing beginning to return to normal. When he opened his eyes, he found that his vision had returned to normal and he was looking into Sam’s concerned hazel eyes. “Sorry,” he responded with a sheepish smile on his face. “Go take your shower.” He pushed at Sam and then gave a swipe of his hand in the direction of the bathroom. “I’ll be here when you’re done.” He leaned forward, planted a kiss on Sam’s lips before struggling to get to his feet. He felt Sam’s hands on his arms, helping him up. “Thanks,” he murmured, not meeting Sam’s gentle smile. He turned away from Sam and walked over to his closet to get changed into a pair of sweatpants and a tee that could accommodate his ever growing belly. He heard the bathroom door shut and the shower turn on and decided to lay on the bed, hoping he could get a little rest before Sam came back and decided they needed to plan out the rest of their lives. He smiled at that thought as he made his way over to the bed and climbed in, burrowing under the soft blanket. Their lives. They had told Kim the truth and she hadn’t even batted and eyelash. She had just accepted them for what they were, in love. Maybe there was hope for them. He knew they could never tell everyone their truth, but it had taken some of the stress off of him when they’d told just one person. And, that was enough as far as he was concerned. To everyone else, he and Sam were a married couple, with a child on the way. He closed his eyes, let out a contented sigh and began to rub his stomach.

 

After Sam had finally felt like he’d managed to get the grime from traveling off his body, he turned the water off, stepped out of the shower and dried off. He fished through his bag for a pair of sleep pants and a tee to dress in. He pushed his wet hair back from his face and swiped a hand across the steam covered mirror. He looked at his reflection. The face looking back at him was the one he’d seen every day of his life, but was now so different. There was a light in his eyes, one that had been missing for months and he realized that Dean and Levi had been the cause of its return. Dean, his husband, the man he loved who was having his child. They were having a child together. He thought he should be freaking out at that notion, but he wasn’t. It just settled deep in his bones, making him feel whole for the first time since Dean had disappeared from his life. He had Dean back and there was no way he was ever giving him up.

 

Quietly, Sam pulled the bathroom door open, flicked off the bathroom light and stopped as he took a few steps into the bedroom. His breath caught in his throat at the sight before him. He was mesmerized by it. Dean was clearly asleep on the bed, his chest rising and falling in a soft even patterned. He looked so peaceful. What had caused him to stop in the doorway was seeing Dean’s hands cradling his swollen stomach. Even in sleep Dean was protecting their unborn child. He padded over to the bed, gently pulled aside the covers and slid underneath them, hoping not to disturb Dean. Sam knew Dean needed as much rest as he could possibly get. He reached over, turned off the bedside lamp and settled against Dean, placing a protective hand over Dean’s stomach. Absently, he ran his hand over Dean’s stomach. He moved closer and perched himself up on his free arm, leaned over and pushed the material of Dean’s shirt up, giving him just a glimpse of skin from the moonlight filtering in from the blinds. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on the skin. “Hey, little boy, this is your other father, Sam. I just wanted to tell you that even though I just found out about you, I’m already in love with you. I’m going to do everything I can to protect you and your Dad. I love you both.” He placed another kiss before pulling the shirt down and scooting back up to rest his head against the pillows. He opened his eyes, pushed himself toward Dean and kissed the side of his temple. “I love you,” he whispered before closing his eyes and letting himself drift off to sleep.    

 

Dean woke with a jolt. He raised himself up onto his elbows and looked around the room, feeling that something was out of place. Nothing looked out of place, just different since the crib was now there occupying what was once empty space at the end of his bed. Then it came rushing back to him. Sam. Sam had found him. He looked over at the empty side of the bed; saw signs that Sam had slept there but was clearly gone now. He felt his heart plummet to the bottom of his stomach. Sam was gone. Dean struggled to get himself upright so he could swing his legs over the side of the bed and sit up. He felt his chest tightening and his throat dry out. Sam was gone. He’d probably figured out all the problems that came along with being a father and had thought better of it and had left. Dean couldn’t blame Sam. Hell, Sam had been right when he’d said that Dean had time to process everything. Dean could admit that Sam finding out that he was going to be a father was overwhelming. It still overwhelmed him and he’d been dealing with this for five month. 

 

He forced himself up from the bed and into the bathroom. Apparently Levi had sensed his distress and felt that tap dancing on his bladder was a better thing for him to dwell on than the utter sense of loss that was enveloping him. When he was done, washed and dressed he made his way out to the kitchen. He needed to feed the little beast currently taking up residence in his body and figure out what he was going to tell everyone.  _ ‘Yeah, everyone apparently Sam has decided that fatherhood wasn’t for him. So, it’s over. This time he was the one to leave. Kind of appropriate if you stop to think about it’. _ He could only imagine the looks of pity on their faces. He would have been better off if Sam had never showed up. He’d dared to hope. He’d been so stupid. He wiped at his eyes, determined not to cry. “Well, kiddo, it’s just you and me,” he said as he patted his stomach.

 

“Don’t you mean us?” Sam’s voice called out to him, stopping him dead in his tracks. Sam looked up from his laptop. Seeing the look of despair on Dean’s face, he was up and out of his chair and by Dean within a moment’s time. “What’s wrong?” he asked cupping Dean’s face with his large hands. 

 

“I thought . . .” How the hell was he going to tell Sam that he had thought that Sam had left in the middle of the night, like he had five months ago? 

 

“What, that I left?” Sam let his hands drop to Dean’s belly, rubbing over the baby bump. “I’m not going anywhere. I thought I made that clear last night.” 

 

“I just thought that you came to your senses, saw how impossible this all was and decided to leave. Can’t blame you if you had.”

 

“Dean, we’re a family; you, me and our baby. You’re not getting rid of me, husband.” Sam nipped at Dean’s bottom lip before pulling away from him. “Now, do you want something for breakfast? I can make you some toast.”

 

“Yeah, sounds good,” Dean said as he made his way over to the glider to get comfortable while Sam made him something to eat. He looked up when Sam shuffled over to him with a plate of toast covered in butter and grape jelly. He practically purred as Sam handed him the plate. “Thanks.” He grabbed the plate and tucked into it, nearly finishing it before Sam had even made his way to the fridge to get him some orange juice. When Sam returned, he looked up, green eyes pleading for more toast. Sam just chuckled at him as he exchanged the now empty plate for the glass of juice. He watched as Sam walked away without a word to him and silently made him more toast. After the second helping of toast and a second glass of orange juice, he was pleasantly full and drifting off to sleep in the glider. 

 

He woke to the sound of fingers clicking over a keyboard. He looked up, confused at hearing the sound only to find Sam hunched over the laptop, clearly lost in what he was doing. “What time is it?” 

 

Sam looked up from his laptop, a soft smile on his face. “Hey,” he responded. “It’s a little past one.” He watched as Dean tried to pull himself up from the glider.

 

“Shit! I have to get ready for work. I’ll just make it if can get the hell up.” As he tried to stand, he found Sam standing in front of him, Sam’s hands on his shoulders pushing him back down. “Sam, what the hell?!” 

 

“Relax. Kim stopped by earlier. She said to take the day off and don’t worry about being paid. She’ll pay you for the day. Apparently, you’ve never asked for a day off before. Since I’m here, she wanted to give us a day to get “reacquainted” (yes he did just use air quotes), her words not mine,” Sam said with a sly smile on his face. “Sit back and rest. You need it, your body needs it.” Sam crossed the room to the fridge to get Dean a cold glass of water. When he turned back, he found Dean struggling to stand. His mouth gaped open. “Dean.”

 

Dean looked up at Sam with a exasperated look on his face. “I’ve got a kid kicking me in the bladder. If I don’t do something about it now, it won’t end well and you’ll be the one cleaning the mess up. Because I can’t really see my own feet right now.” He patted his belly before disappearing into the bathroom.

 

When he returned, he found the glass of water on the living room table in reach from the glider. He wanted to see what Sam was up to, but the lure of the comfortable glider was just to tempting. He lowered himself down into it and began to rock back and forth, content with having Sam finally with him; his family together at last. The motion was soothing and he found his eyes beginning to close. “What are you doing?” He finally forced himself to ask.

 

“Looking online for jobs. I’ve found a couple that seem promising. I’ll call tomorrow and see if I can’t set up some interviews.” Sam closed the laptop and set it aside. “Are you hungry?” Sam questioned, standing and ready to make something for Dean to eat. He watched as Dean just waved a hand over his stomach and closed his eyes. He figured that was Dean’s way of letting him know that he was indeed hungry. Smiling to himself, he went to the fridge and rummaged around to see what he could make or actually reheat from the food that Ty and Kim had been kind enough to provide them with. 

 

Two days later, Sam had managed to find a job working construction in the next town over. He was only a day laborer, so the money wasn’t the greatest, but at least he was able to contribute to his family’s needs. As a day laborer he showed up, got picked to work the job and was paid cash at the end of the day - off the books. No one asked questions, unless you wanted to get told you weren’t needed any longer. Everyday, he dragged himself away from Dean, packed a cooler full of water bottles and food and drove out to the construction site, hoping that they were in need of him. 

 

The first time he’d showed up, the foreman had taken one look at him, his size and muscles, and smiled. The foreman, he didn’t bother to learn the man’s name, he didn’t plan on making a career out of being a day laborer, had whistled when he saw Sam carrying cinder blocks; one in each hand, like they were bricks. The guy had clapped him on the back and told him as long as he showed up daily, he’d find him work. He’d just smiled and returned to the job he’d been given for the day. When he’d gotten home that night, he was tired but happy. He had some cash in his pocket, cash that he’d earned. He’d gone in to the bathroom shower and change. He’d wandered back out to fix something to eat and wait for Dean to return home from his night shift at the diner.  

 

Once he’d eaten, and wrapped up the leftovers for Dean in case he was hungry when he got home, he settled himself on the couch, grabbed the remote and clicked on the  _ History _ channel. He must have fallen asleep; the closing of the door and Dean’s approaching footsteps woke him. He jolted upright, reaching for a gun he no longer carried. Seeing it was Dean and not a demon attack, he relaxed against the couch.

 

“Hey, how was your shift?” Sam asked as he watched Dean rest against the edge of the couch. 

 

“Good, not too busy tonight. I mostly sat on my ass.” He held up his hands. “I’m not complaining especially since Levi decided that today was a marathon kicking day.” Dean reached over and grabbed Sam’s hand, placed it on his stomach to let Sam feel the movement of their child.

 

Sam closed his eyes and smiled. He reveled in the feel of their child’s movements. He could sit like this all night. He was so lost in that thought that he didn’t hear Dean speaking to him. It wasn’t until Dean pushed his hand away that he realized Dean had been saying something to him. “Huh?”

“I asked how your day was.” 

 

“Tiring, but good. I got paid at the end of the day. It’s not a lot, but it’s something. I’ll go back tomorrow. The foreman said as long as I keep showing up, he’ll find me work. I made something to eat. It’s wrapped up in the fridge if you’re hungry.”

 

“I’m good, I ate at the diner during my break.” Dean rubbed his hands over his swollen stomach, feeling Levi’s movements. He pushed himself up onto his feet and looked at Sam, a fond smile on his lips. “I’m gonna take a shower and go to bed.”

 

“I’ll be the lump in bed,” Sam called after Dean as he disappeared into the bathroom. With some effort, Sam forced himself to stand and make his way into the bedroom. He pulled back the covers and climbed in. He tried to stay awake until Dean joined him, but lost that battle. He was asleep again within minutes of his head hitting the soft pillows. He woke sometime during the night, reached out to find Dean asleep next time him. He slid his body against Dean’s, needing to feel the warmth radiating off of Dean’s skin. He kissed the side of Dean’s face, heard him make a soft sound as he moved and Sam waited to see if he’d disturbed Dean’s sleep. When Dean stopped, Sam reached over and entwined their hands together and left himself drift off to sleep. 


	8. Life Changes

 

 

Sam walked out into the kitchen and sat down at the table with his laptop. He needed to make things right for Dean and for their child. The first step was erasing all evidence of the prior Winchester brothers and recreating himself and Dean as a married couple. Thankfully, he’d learned a few tricks way back when and had added to his hacking and computer skills. When he was done, it would be next to impossible for anyone, even a tech savvy person, to figure out that their identities had been newly created. The best backstory, the most believable always used elements from your real life. This way, it was harder for someone to catch you in a lie. It was just that some things got changed - usually for the better. For them, it was just so they could create an honest life for themselves and their child. 

 

He started with their birth certificates, creating new ones for them both, new birthplaces and new parents, but he kept their birth years the same. He smiled as he hacked into the hospital records and City Halls of the areas he was now using for the retelling of their lives to get those records and social security cards in their systems. 

 

Dean was born Dean Smith, January 24th, 1979 to Donna and Alan in Dallas, Texas. He was an only child of parents who were now deceased. Alan had past from a heart attack and Donna had passed shortly after from a broken heart when Dean was only eighteen years old. The loss had left him feeling alone and had him pulling up stakes to move around Texas, working odd jobs before he found a place in San Antonio where he worked as a mechanic for two years before meeting Sam one day when Sam brought his father’s car in for a basic repair. They had bonded over Dean’s ‘67 Chevy Impala and had become friends, despite the four year age gap. It had taken another two years for Sam to convince Dean to even date him. Dean had rebuffed Sam’s advances, feeling that friendship was all he thought he was good enough for. Dean was set on getting his GED and for Sam to finish college before either of them thought about a relationship other than friendship. 

 

Sam had just returned from Stanford University for the summer after earning his Computer Science degree. He’d come home with the intent of winning over Dean and showing the older man they were right for each other, that there was something more than friendship between them. To his surprise and happiness, Dean finally agreed to go on one date with him. From that one date, he’d been able to show Dean that they were destined to be together.

 

Sam was born a Winchester, May 2nd, 1983 to Sherri and Gerald in San Antonio, Texas. He had never been very close with his parents. They hated the idea of him being gay when he came out to them after graduation. So, it was no surprise when he left home and moved in with Dean before they left the state of Texas, moving around the country, working odd jobs until now. Sam had never returned to Texas, not even for his parent’s funeral when they were killed in a car accident ten years ago. The only family he had was Dean, his husband of five years.

 

The next step was hacking into the local schools in the areas that they supposedly lived in to create their educational history. Both had good grades, despite Dean dropping out; Sam’s being slightly higher since, by nature he was what Dean referred to as a nerd. He prefered to be called booksmart. He then hacked into the Stanford University database and changed his status from a pre-law student to a Computer Science graduate. Silently, he thanked Frank Deveraux for showing him a few of the techniques he was now using to not only cover his tracks, but to create the forged documents they needed. 

 

When he was satisfied with what he’d just finished with, he moved on to hacking into Portland, Oregon’s City Hall records to create their marriage license. This would solidify them as the married couple they were presenting themselves as. He breathed a sigh of relief as he finished that task. He leaned back in his chair and stretched. He rolled his neck, feeling the tense muscles begin to relax as the stress left his body. He’d managed to accomplish everything he’d wanted to before Dean woke. Now, all he needed was to place a few calls to request the actual documents he’d just created and they would be who they said they were to the people of Port Gamble. 

 

One of he last things he needed to do was erase all evidence of who they used to be. That was easy enough. All he had to do was press a button and the program that he and Frank had created would run through all databases, erasing anything that tied them to their old selves. Anything that they might have been tied to; credit card scams, crimes, their past lives would be gone. It would be like they had never existed.

 

Sam hear shuffling and looked up to see a groggy Dean moving toward him. Dean still looked tired to him, despite the lopsided grin on his face. He watched as Dean rubbed the back of his head. He was nervous about something, Sam thought to himself. He reached a hand out to Dean, drawing him closer, wanting to feel the warmth of Dean against him.

 

Dean hummed as he pressed against Sam, his fingers flexing through Sam’s hair as Sam rubbed the small of his back. “What are you doing?” Dean asked as he peered down at Sam’s open laptop. No sooner were the words out of mouth, then he found himself in Sam’s lap, facing the computer screen, Sam’s head resting on his shoulder and Sam’s arms around his midsection, rubbing over the swell of his stomach. He found he liked the feel of Sam’s hand rubbing possessively over his body, over their baby.

 

“I’m about to run a program that will wipe us out.” He snorted when he saw the look of horror that passed over Dean’s face as Dean turned to look at him. 

 

“A little drastic, don’t you think?”

 

“Not really,” Sam shot back and felt Dean stiffen against him. “It will wipe out the old us. We’ll no longer exist. I set us up with new lives, including our marriage certificate. You wanna do the honors?” He waited, giving Dean time to take this all in. When Dean didn’t answer him, he felt concern growing in the pit of his belly. Did Dean not want this? Was he having second thoughts about them, about everything? “Dean?” he questioned.

 

Dean shifted in Sam’s lap, moving so he could look into those hazel eyes he loved so much. He chewed on his bottom lip, trying to find the words he wanted to say, the question he needed to ask. “Why?”

 

He knew what Dean was trying to ask. “Why what? Why give you and me stability? Why give Levi a real chance before he’s even born?” He drew Dean in for a kiss. As he pulled back, he looked into those green eyes, saw the concern and uncertainty in them. “I don’t wanna run anymore. I don’t wanna have to lie, about you, our relationship and I certainly don’t want to lie to Levi. He deserves a good life. God knows, we never had the greatest of lives. You were willing to give up everything, take a job with no real future just to give him a start in life. You stopped running scams just to get by. How could I not do this for you, for our family? This way, when you decide you’re ready, you can get a job, one that pays better, one where you’re officially on the books and don’t have to worry about anyone finding you out. This way, I can get a job to help provide for my family. Isn’t that what this is all about?”

 

“The only thing I have to do, aside from press this button, is place a call to let one person know that we’re out of the hunter’s life for good. Get the word out that we’re in the wind, don’t look for us. Then we start over, really make a life for ourselves here, together.” He paused, taking a deep breath to steady himself. “I thought that’s what you wanted. Unless, you’ve changed you mind.” He felt his heartbeat begin to speed up.

 

Dean’s eyes went wide. “What? No! It’s just a lot to process. You’ve had a little time to put this all together. I just kinda walked into this a few minutes ago. Just trying to wrap my mind around this. But, if you’re sure about this, then yeah, I want it. I don’t wanna have to run or lie. Not about us, what we have and I don’t want leave here either. I wanna have a life with you and Levi here. So, press the button.”

 

“Together, we’ll press the button together.” Sam took Dean’s hand in his and poised it over the enter key on the keyboard. He brought their joined hands down and together they pressed the key, starting the program that would make the original Sam and Dean Winchester disappear forever. 

 

Sam slumped back in the chair, pulling Dean back with him. He felt Dean mold himself against his chest, loving the feel of his husband against him. “So, husband, what should be do now?” Sam breathed out, because he had an idea of what he wanted to do to Dean. 

 

Dean squirmed on Sam’s lap. The tone of voice Sam had just used on him was hitting him in all the right ways. He closed his eyes and moaned, letting his head fall against Sam’s shoulder. He felt Sam’s hand trail up from his stomach to rub over one nipple, then the other. He hadn’t realized how sensitive they were until Sam’s fingers began to play with them through his shirt. His dick seemed to like what was happening since it was starting to rise to the occasion. He could feel Sam’s hardon as he shifted, trying to get more friction going between the two of them. He wanted Sam. Both of Sam’s hands were playing with his nipples, pulling little moans of pleasure from him. He felt Sam’s lips on his neck, his teeth nipping at the skin. “Sam.” He wasn’t sure what was going on anymore; he was lost in the pleasure Sam’s fingers were giving him and they were still fully clothed. He just needed Sam, right now. He felt Sam’s hands moving downward, one palming his hardened dick, the other working the waistband of his pants down. Soon, both of Sam’s hands were working his pants down, over his hips. His eyes shot open. He grabbed at Sam’s hands, shaking his head no. “Sam, can’t.” He had no idea if he was putting himself and Levi at risk. The topic of having sex while pregnant had never come up. There was no reason to ask since he had been alone, until now, so he’d never bothered to ask Misha if it was safe. And now, this far along in his pregnancy, he wasn’t too sure they should be doing anything. 

 

“Wh - why?” Sam stuttered out. 

 

“Don’t know if it’s safe for me, especially this far along.” He heard Sam groan, and not in pleasure. With that sound coming from Sam, his hardon withered, leaving him feeling hollow inside.

 

“Yeah, okay.” Sam began to pull Dean’s pants back up. While he really wanted to fuck Dean senseless right now, he heard the uncertainty in Dean’s voice. He wasn’t going to push Dean, he wasn’t willing to risk Dean’s or Levi’s health. “I get it.” He did, he just couldn’t hide his disappointment. He really wanted to cement their new lives by making love to the man who was no longer his brother, but now his husband. He willed himself to get his body under control. He closed his eyes, trying to think of something unpleasant to kill his hardon, rather than the man sitting in his lap that he wanted so desperately. His mind conjured up some of the creatures they had hunted and killed in the past. That did the trick, his hardon was gone in a matter of moments.

 

Dean heard the frustration in Sam’s voice and it made his heart heavy with remorse at not being able to give Sam what he wanted.“Please don’t be mad.” He hung his head, feeling his cheeks heating up with embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”

 

“No,” Sam said, running a hand down Dean’s arm. “There’s nothing to be sorry about and I’m not mad at you.” He placed another kiss behind Dean’s ear, and nibbled at his earlobe. “I’m not happy, but not because of you. I want to make love to you. But, I’m not about to put your health at risk. If you’re worried about it, we’ll hold off until we know it’s safe or until after Levi is born. We’ve waited this long, right? What’s a little longer?” He fitted his fingers under Dean’s chin, lifted it and forced Dean to turn to look at him. “Really, it’s okay,” he said as he kissed Dean’s lips, hoping Dean believed him and heard the sincerity in his voice. “Never doubt that I love you.”

 

Dean nodded in understanding. “Yeah, yeah,” he muttered as he moved off Sam’s lap to sit on the chair next to Sam. “So, tell me about the new me,” he said and sat listening to Sam fill him in about the life Sam had created for him, for them. “Yeah, that’s believable. I can work with that, it’s not too far off from our old lives. So, now what?”

 

“Now, I gotta make a call. Then, we’ll be free of the hunting life. We can both get real jobs, or at least jobs on the books that hopefully pay better, that at least have health benefits. Levi’s gonna need that.” He picked up his burner and dialed the number he needed and waited for the call to be picked up. He heard Tim’s gruff voice on the other end as he answered. “Tim, it’s Sam Winchester. Yeah, the tip paid off, thanks. He’d moved on from that place, but I found him. You can call off the help to find Dean. But, I’m calling for a different reason. We’re out of the life. No more hunting for us. No Tim, we’re not changing our minds. There are plenty of other hunters like yourself that can pick up where we’ve left off. Just, spread the word. Tell the hunters not to look for us, contact us, even think about us. We’re not coming out of retirement. The world can burn as far as we’re concerned. Good luck, Tim,” Sam said as he ended the call, took out the SIM card and destroyed it. He took the pieces of the card and the burner phone and dumped them in the trash. He turned back to Dean and saw the look of fear in his eyes. His brows furrowed in confusion. “What?” Sam questioned.

 

“Did we just really tell everyone we’re out? You think they’re gonna leave us alone?”

 

“I’ll take all of our burner phones and destroy them. The only phones we need are the ones we used to call each other with. No one but you has that number for my phone. I’m the only one that has your number. No one will be able to contact us. We’re finally free,” Sam said quietly. 

 

“Good,” Dean said as he pushed himself up from the chair. “I’m gonna rest. Growing another person is tiring.” He walked into their bedroom and lowered himself down on the bed, closed his eyes and emptied his mind of any past worries he had. He had Sam back, he was getting ready to birth their child and they were officially retired. That was all he wanted to focus on from now on.

 

The rest of the week went by the same way as it had the first day Sam had started working construction. Except, he was on edge. Dean had a doctor’s appointment and he wasn’t able to go. He’d asked the day before if there was anyway he would be able to leave early. He hadn’t even been able to explain why before the foreman was on him. No, he couldn’t leave early, it was either show up, work the hours he was given or don’t bother to show up at all. He’d been pissed and spent the rest of the day not speaking to anyone in the crew he was on. They’d sensed his anger when he hauled two sacks of concrete mixture off the truck and threw them down onto the pile he’d been creating for the foundation they’d be working on in a few days.

 

Going home that night, he’d been filled with anger and fear. Anger at the foreman, if he’d just listened, let him explain why he need to take some time off - unpaid -  maybe he could have worked something out. Fear, that he was letting Dean down. This would only be the second scheduled appointment he would have been going to. Now, he had to tell Dean he couldn’t go, not if he wanted to keep the job and the pay.

 

He breathed a sigh of relief when he pushed the door open. Dean wasn’t home, at least not yet. He still had time to clean up and then figure a way to explain things to Dean, why he couldn’t go to the next doctor’s appointment with him. He let himself sink down on the bed as he wearily undid the laces on his boots. After a minute, he kicked them off, stood and stripped before making his way to the shower. Letting the hot water run over his body, he felt the heat seeping into his sore muscles. He hated this job, but he’d stick with it until something better came along. He had to, he needed to provide for his family. There was no way he was quitting. He’d just have to suck it up, work the full day and deal with Dean’s anger. 

 

Sam sat at the kitchen table. He hadn’t been there long before Dean had pushed the apartment door open, entering carrying another bag of food from the diner.

 

“Hey,” Dean said with a tired smile. “Got dinner,” he said as he raised the bag. He placed the bag on the table and began to unpack the contents. Sam’s hand on his stilled his movements.

 

“Dean,” Sam said. His voice sounded strained to his own ears. He watched as Dean’s eyes ticked up and looked into his. He watched as Dean’s smile faltered. “Dean, I’m sorry,” he started to say as Dean sank down into the one of the empty kitchen chairs. Sam ran his fingers through his hair. This wasn’t starting off well.

 

“You’re sorry?” Dean asked.

 

“Yeah,” Sam responded as he took a breath. “I tried to get the time off for Friday so I could go to the appointment with you. The foreman said no. He said that if I leave, not to bother coming back.” He looked away from Dean, not wanting to see the anger and disappointment in Dean’s eyes. He looked down at his hands. “I need the job. I need to do my part to contribute, to provide for you and Levi.” He blew out a heavy breath as he waited for Dean to respond, for Dean to explode in anger.

 

“Oh,” Dean said softly as he reached over and placed a hand over Sam’s causing Sam to finally look up at him. He could see the anguish on Sam’s face and sensed the tension rolling off of Sam. “Sam, it’s okay,” Dean said with a soft smile. He chuckled at the look of disbelief on Sam’s face. “Don’t be so dramatic. No chick flick moments. What? Did you think I was going to take a nutty on you?” Dean watched as Sam shrugged his shoulders. “You can’t go. I get that the job’s something you need. Don’t jeopardize it. I’ll just make the next one later in the day or see if Collins can make one after hours.” 

 

“You can do that? I mean try?” Sam’s eyes went wide as he spoke.

 

“Of course. I’ll give it a shot. We’re in this together. Right?”

 

“You’re not mad?” Sam asked as he dropped his eyes to their joined hands as he spoke. He waited for Dean to pull away from him. 

 

“No. I’m not thrilled about it. But, it’s not like you’re choosing to not be there.” He squeezed Sam’s hands. “You’d rather be there, right?” Dean asked, feeling a little uncertainty flare up within himself.

 

“Of course.” Sam’s head snapped up as he answered. “I’d rather be there, making sure that you and Levi are healthy.” He drew in a sharp breath as he realized how insecure Dean was. Dean could put on a good front, one that could fool everyone, including his own brother. This was one of those times. Dean was trying and failing at masking his doubts, Sam thought to himself. “Dean, I love you and Levi. I’d much rather be with you, all the time, but I can’t and it’s killing me.” Sam pursed his lips into a tight line. “I’ve missed so much already . . .”

 

“Because of me,” Dean supplied for him.

 

“Hey, that’s not what I meant at all.” Sam extracted his hands from Dean’s, pushed himself away from the table and came to stand in front of Dean before dropping to his knees. He placed his hands on Dean’s belly. “I’m not blaming you for what I missed out on.”

 

“Yeah, but it’s my fault,” Dean shot back.

 

“It’s our fault. Equal blame, if we have to lay blame at anyone’s feet. But, I’m past that. So, should you be. I just hate that I can’t be there with you, as your husband to support you.” Sam rubbed his hands over Dean’s belly, feeling their child move against Dean’s body and his hands. “Okay, so enough of this shit,” Sam said with a smile.

 

“Yeah,” Dean replied. “I’ll give you a full report of what Collins says. I’ll see if Kim can go in your place.”

 

Sam snorted at that. “Like she’d say no. I think she’d contact the asshole of a foreman and have me work overtime just so she could take my place.” Sam stood up and reached for the bag containing the food. “So, what’s in here?”

 

“Healthy shit,” Dean grumbled. He accepted the offered food container from Sam, opened it and sighed at the salad in front of him. He looked over at Sam as Sam opened his own container to see that they had both been given the same order. “Crap, I was hoping to steal what was in yours.” He gave Sam a wide grin. 

 

“Sorry, you’re outta luck,” Sam countered back as he sat down. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ll eat what you eat until Levi is born.”

 

Dean’ head snapped up and he eyed Sam with a grumpy look on his face. “How is that supposed to make me feel better? You like this kinda shit!”

 

Sam tossed his head back and laughed. “Sucks to be you,” he managed to get out once he was able to speak.

 

“I hate you,” Dean hissed out at Sam.

 

“No you don’t,” Sam countered back. “You love me,” he said as he kissed the air in Dean’s direction.    

 

Shaking his head Dean glared at Sam. “No, pretty sure I hate you and this rabbit food,” he said as he lifted the fork to his lips. Grudgingly, he forced himself to eat the salad as a comfortable silence settled over the two of them. He was lost in thought thinking about how he had to call Kim, wishing that Sam would be with him instead at the next appointment. But, he truly understood that Sam, like himself, had his pride. Sam providing for them was important to him. He wasn’t going to take that away from Sam. 

 

Dean sat in the waiting room, the pressure of Kim’s hand on his thigh was comforting. He looked down at it, imagining it was Sam’s. He really wanted Sam here with him. He hated that Sam couldn’t be here, that he had to work. But he understood it. 

 

“Dean Winchester.” A female voice, one of the nurses called out, waiting for him to join her.

 

“Yeah, that’s me,” he said in a tight voice as he struggled to stand. With Kim’s help, he finally got to his feet and followed the nurse back to one of the exam rooms. After the nurse had checked his vitals, she left, letting him know that Misha would be in shortly to see him. He sat, swinging his feet back and forth on the table, feeling unhappy at not having Sam with him. He saw Kim give him an encouraging smile, one he turned away from as his attention was caught by a knock at the door. “Yeah?” Dean questioned.

 

Misha entered after hearing Dean’s voice, only to look from Dean to Kim with confusion, before setting his mouth into a thin line. “Dean, good to see you again,” he said with a nod of his head. “Kim, I didn’t expect to see you. I thought Sam would have been here for this,” he said solemnly.

 

“He had to work,” Dean said gruffly. He was already upset about Sam not being able to be there. He didn’t need to hear Misha’s thoughts on the matter, or Sam.

 

“Oh, well, at least he’s helping in some way, right?” Misha offered with a smile at hearing the tone in Dean’s voice and seeing the scowl on his face. He knew he was treading on thin ice with Dean and decided to change topics. “So, how are you feeling?”

 

“Tired, sore. My legs hurt. This kid likes to tap dance on my bladder,” Dean bit out. 

 

Pulling over the stool, Misha sat down in front of Dean. “Let’s take a look at your legs.” Misha lifted one of Dean’s legs onto his lap to examine. “You have what’s called Cankles,” Misha said with a chuckle. “You’re legs are swollen. It’s common at this point in your pregnancy. I’m gonna tell you something you don’t want to hear, drink more water.” He heard Dean’s groan and snickered at Dean’s eye roll. “Yeah, I know. But it’ll help, plus staying off your feet as much as possible.” He turned his attention to Kim. “You’re not making Dean stand are you? I thought I was specific about this, he needs to be off his feet.”

 

Kim raised her hands in defense. “He’s been sitting. I have a stool for him next to the register. He only waits on the customers who are at the counter, only takes their orders. Nothing more than that.”

 

“Are you off your feet at home?” Misha asked, giving Dean a pointed look.

 

“Yes, Sam’s been doing everything. I’m following doctor’s orders,” Dean huffed out. He didn’t need this interrogation. He wanted the appointment to be over with so he could go home. 

 

“Okay, then follow what I just told you. Try icing your ankles to bring the swelling down. Sometimes taking a lukewarm bath helps. The water takes the pressure off your body. Other than that, you and Levi are healthy. I’ll see you in another week,” Misha said as he got up. He stopped when he heard Dean’s ‘uhm’ and turned back to Dean, saw that the man was red faced. “Something wrong?” Misha asked.

 

“Sex,” Dean whispered and then dropped his eyes. 

 

“Excuse me?” Misha asked in bewilderment. He looked at Kim who only shrugged.

 

“Can we, Sam and I, have sex, now?” Dean asked. It wasn’t like Kim or Misha didn’t know how he had ended up pregnant, so why bother asking Kim to wait outside while he asked the question.

 

Misha looked thoughtful as he tried to find the right answer to give Dean. “Penetrative sex. No, I wouldn’t suggest it. But . . .”

 

“Okay, got it,” Dean said. He knew where the rest of the answer was going and he didn’t need Misha to paint that picture for himself or Kim. Misha nodded at Kim then before turning and leaving the room so Dean and Kim could leave.

 

Kim crossed the room to help Dean down from the table and together they walked to the receptionist so Dean could make his next appointment. 

 

“I have next Friday at 10 a.m.” the receptionist said brightly. 

 

“No, I need something later in the day.”

 

“Well, how about 12:30?” 

 

Dean shook his head, “No. Isn’t there anything around five or six? I need my husband to be here with me.”

 

The receptionist gave him a sad smile. “Sorry, no.”

 

“Can you ask Dr. Collins? Please?” Dean felt close to tears with the frustration he was dealing with. His emotions were all over the place which wasn’t helping him to remain calm. He watched as the receptionist picked up the phone and placed a call to Dr. Collins, explaining Dean’s predicament. She smiled at him and then replaced the receiver. 

 

“You’re in luck, Dr. Collins is willing to stay late next Friday to see you. I can make the appointment for six. Will that work for you?”

 

“Yes, thank you,” Dean breathed out. He turned and followed Kim out to her vehicle. Once they were both settled, Kim started the drive. 

 

“Do you want to get a bite to eat?”

 

“No,” Dean said as he closed his eyes. “I’m tired and I just want to go home, if that’s alright?”

 

“Of course. Do you want me to call Sam for you?”

 

“No, if he knows, he’ll leave the job and the foreman will bar him from coming back. It’s a crap job, but it’s a job. We need it so we can save up for bigger place. No offense, but the garage apartment isn’t going to be big enough for the three of us. We’re already starting to trip over each other and all the things we have for Levi.” His eyes shot open and he turned to look at Kim. “I never thanked you, any of you for what you guys did, your generosity. Can you take me by the diner so I can do that?” 

 

“Dean, you don’t have to. We did it because we wanted to help you out.”

 

“I know, but I gotta. I gotta thank everyone.”

 

“Sure,” Kim said as she made the familiar drive to the  _ Wistful Thinker _ . She helped Dean out of the SUV and waited for him once they were inside as Dean made sure to thank everyone personally with a hug and a smile before driving him back to the house. “Do you need any help getting up the stairs?” Kim asked.

 

“No, I can still make it up them. Thanks for coming with me and driving me around.”

 

“Anytime, Dean, you know that,” Kim said as she started to pull out of the driveway. Dean waved to her before turning and make the tiring climb up the stairs to his home. Once inside, he kicked off his sneakers and forced his legs to move, coming to stop in front of his glider. It was the only thing he could get comfortable in right now. He lowered himself down and gave a sigh of contentment. He rocked back and forth, enjoying the soothing movement as he drifted off to sleep.

 

Wearily, Sam pushed the door to the tiny garage apartment open. It had been a long day and all he could think about was Dean having to go to his checkup without him. He had been pissed that he couldn’t go, but had held his temper in check. He needed this job. They needed his paycheck if they were ever going to move out of this place and into something that would accommodate a growing family. He heaved a sigh of relief at seeing Dean already propped up in the glider. He had taken to resting in it as soon as he would come home from work. He would even find Dean asleep in it at night. He hated seeing how uncomfortable Dean was. He wished that he could take that off of Dean’s shoulders, make it easier for the pregnant man. He watched as Dean cracked his eyes open and gave him a weak smile. “How ya doing? How was the appointment?” Sam asked as he looked at Dean. His husband looked tire. There were dark circles under his eyes and his skin was sallow. He also didn’t miss the grimace of pain that Dean tried to hide from him as he shifted in the glider, trying to get into a more comfortable position.

 

Dean huffed in irritation before answering. “How my doing? I can’t find a comfortable position to sit in, let alone sleep in. My back hurts and I have to pee all the time because apparently this demon spawn likes resting on my bladder,” Dean said, as he eyed Sam in anger. “Oh and apparently I have cankles. Cankles Sam! How do you think I’m doing?” Dean pulled in as much air into his lungs as he could, before letting it out in a sigh. “Levi’s good. Everything’s on track. Nothing to worry about.” Dean grumbled, “But, I hated having to go without you, having to explain why you weren’t there.” He took another breath, trying to settle himself. “And I asked, no penetrative sex,” Dean huffed out.

 

“Well, I still think you’re sexy, cankles and all.” Sam smiled brightly, trying to lighten Dean’s mood. He heard a growl escape from Dean’s lips and he was by him in a matter of moments, kissing him until he felt Dean’s body surrendering to him. “Better?” He breathed out, hoping that Dean understood that no matter what, he found him sexy, it wasn’t a lie to appease Dean. He nipped at Dean’s bottom lip before he pulled away. “I’m sorry I couldn’t go. I thought about you and Levi all day, if that means anything to you,” Sam offered. “Come on,” he said as he helped Dean out of the chair and to their bedroom. “Turn around, lay down on the bed and I’ll massage your back.” He felt Dean nod his approval before doing as asked. He climbed onto the bed and straddled Dean’s legs, trying not to put any more pressure on Dean than he had to. He pushed up Dean’s shirt, exposing the soft expanse of freckled skin underneath. He so wanted to lick his way up that warm skin, but reminded himself that wasn’t the purpose of what he was there for. He reached over and grabbed the skin lotion that Dean now kept on the nightstand. Dean used it daily to massage the tight skin across his swollen stomach. He squirted some onto his hands, letting the bottle fall onto the bed next to him as he blew on his hands, warming the cold lotion. He placed his hands on Dean’s back, starting with the skin just above his waistband and began to move in an up and down motion, applying slight pressure to the already tight muscles, working any knots out as he went along. He heard Dean moan as he worked one particularly stubborn knot out at the junction of his shoulders. By the time he was done, Dean was pliant underneath him. He leaned down, kissed the back of his neck and climbed off him, replacing the lotion back on the nightstand. “Get some rest,” he whispered as he left the bedroom. 


	9. Married Life

 

 

Dean appeared at the doorway to the bedroom, dressed in all black. He ran a hand through his hair as he walked over to the phone. “I gotta call Kim.” Even he could hear the panic in his voice. He’d overslept and now was trying to get his ass in gear. If he couldn’t reach Kim, he’d have to walk to the diner. He didn’t think his feet or back could take that today, even if he was just mainly sitting while working the counter and register. 

 

“Dean, do you need a ride to the diner?”

 

“Uhm, yeah. I . . . I don’t drive right now. This,” he said as he waved a hand over his belly, “doesn’t fit so well behind the wheel. Kim’s been driving me back and forth. If she can’t then one of the others will come pick me up. Worst case, I’ve walked.” He saw the look of panic on Sam’s face. He knew it was the walking part that Sam seemed to get upset over. He could only imagine the possible bad scenarios running through Sam’s head; Dean being hit by a car, being abducted by something they’d hunted in the past, just falling and not being able to get back up. He snickered at that thought.

 

“What?” Sam asked, narrowing his eyes at Dean.

 

“Nothing, I can just read you. Your face is all red and angry right now and I know what’s going in that brain of yours. You’re imagining all the things that could have happened to me when I walked to work. Like, me falling and not being able to get up.” He let himself laugh, seeing the look of realization pass over Sam’s face before Sam smiled that dimpled smile he loved so much. He found his laughter being joined by Sam’s.

 

Sam ran his hands through his hair as he tilted his head back and laughed, the first real laugh since finding Dean. He felt it lightening his spirit. He’d missed Dean, his laughter, his quick wit and even his snarky, sarcastic way about him. He knew Dean used his sarcasm as a way to cope with their world. They’d never had a regular nine to five job; hunting the supernatural never gave them time for normal. He grabbed his keys and jingled them. “I have a vehicle, remember. I can give you a ride.”

 

Dean looked at Sam. He gave him a small, tentative smile before finally answering him. “Okay, I just gotta get my sneakers on. Uhm, do you,” he blew out a soft breath. “Do you think you can help me? I can get them off and on, but getting them tied is a little difficult these days,” he said quietly. 

 

“Like you even have to ask. Go get them on your feet and then sit down so I can help you.” Sam watched as Dean disappeared only to appear from the bedroom with his sneakers on his feet, but untied. 

 

Dean moved to the couch and gingerly sat down. If he allowed himself to sink down into the cushions, there was a strong possibility that he wouldn’t be able to get up.

 

Sam grabbed the footrest and pulled it closer to the couch as he sat down. Gently he picked up one of Dean’s legs, placed Dean’s foot against his thigh and tied the first sneaker. “How’s that? Not too tight?” he questioned, he didn’t want them to be uncomfortable on Dean’s feet. He watched Dean shake his head no and lowered Dean’s leg so he could repeat the same motions with the other foot. “There, all set. And for the record, doing that, or anything for you isn’t a burden.” He stood and offered a hand to Dean, helping him off the couch. 

 

“Thanks, you lock up while I make my way downstairs. It takes me a few minutes these days to climb up and down the stairs.” With that, Dean handed over the keys to Sam and started the descent down the stairs.

 

Sam watched as Dean walked away, disappearing into the small hallway that led to the stairs. He wondered at how uncomfortable Dean must be as he watched Dean place a hand against his back to brace himself as he used his other hand to grab hold of the handrail so he wouldn’t pitch forward and fall. Sam hurriedly followed Dean, making sure to lock both the apartment door and the garage door.

 

“Come on, get in.” Sam walked over the his Jeep and stopped when he noticed that Dean hadn’t joined him.

 

Dean looked over at the Jeep Sam had been driving, seeing it parked in front of Kim’s and raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t the Impala, but it was pretty decent for a vehicle. It was black and looked like it had seen its share of hard driving and possibly offroading by the looks of it. The tires and undercarriage were caked in mud; some of it had splashed up onto the fenders and along the body panels. He looked back at Sam and smiled. “Is that a Jeep Cherokee?” he quipped. 

 

“Hey, don’t knock her. She got me here. Plus, she’s gotten me out of a couple of tight spots when there wasn’t a road to drive over while on a few hunts. I needed something after . . .” Sam cleared his throat, not wanting to go over the time they had been separated. Dropping the subject altogether, he unlocked the door and opened it, waiting for Dean.

 

Dean felt the wave of self loathing hit him and found that he couldn’t move, he just looked down over his protruding stomach at the ground. The words Sam had just said hit home. Sam wouldn’t have needed another vehicle if he hadn’t cut and run like a scared little bitch. He felt hands on his face, tilting his chin up so he could meet Sam’s eyes. He saw the look of concern on Sam’s face. “You wouldn’t have needed the Jeep if I hadn’t left.” 

 

“Don’t. Just don’t. I didn’t mean to upset you. You did what you thought was right, at the time. Let’s not go there. Okay?” Sam pleaded with Dean. Just a few stupid words were unraveling everything they’d just started to build between them. 

 

Dean stood there, looking down at the ground. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth. They were still walking a mind field of what if’s; what if he hadn’t gotten pregnant, what if he hadn’t overheard Sam in the diner, what if he hadn’t left. What if, what if, what if . . . They were killing him and ruining their future. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up into concerned hazel eyes looking back at him. He smiled at seeing that in Sam’s eyes. “The what if’s are killing me,” he said quietly. 

 

“Dean, you have to let it go. We can’t turn back time.” Sam’s eyes lit up. “Wait, I think I might have a spell . . .”

 

Hearing that, Dean tossed his head back in laughter. “No, just no. The last time I let you work a spell, you turned me into a dog. So, no,” he said as he placed a kiss on Sam’s cheek before hefting himself into the passenger’s seat of the Jeep. It felt weird being in Sam’s vehicle like this, but he could get used to it. He watched as Sam got himself under control from his laughter as he slid in behind the wheel. “Ready?” Sam asked as he started the Jeep. They drove to the diner in peaceful silence. After parking, Sam helped Dean out of the Jeep and waited to make sure he got into the diner safely. He wanted to stick around, but he knew that would only grate on Dean’s nerves and he didn’t want to risk stressing out his pregnant husband. As he drove away, a thought came to him. If Dean was his husband, then they needed matching rings. He looked down at his left hand and imagined a wedding ring on his ring finger. He smiled at the thought. The only thing was, he had no idea where to shop for rings in Port Gamble. He noticed a store, the Gamble Bay Coffee, and pulled up alongside it. It was a long shot, but at least it was a place to start. He got out of the Jeep and entered the store. He looked around, trying to figure out if they carried jewelry.

 

“Can I help you?” a woman’s voice called to him.

 

He spun around to confront the woman. His first instinct was to draw his weapon, the one he no longer carried. They had locked up their weapons in a trunk in the back of Dean’s closet. He gave the woman a smile and hope she was what she seemed, just a shopkeeper. “Hi, uhm, maybe? I’m looking for rings. Ah, wedding rings, for me and my husband.”

 

A smile came over the woman’s face. “I’m Sarah and I think I can help you. Follow me,” she said, turned and walked to a small display case next to the register. She opened it and pulled out a tray containing rings. “How about these?” she asked as she pointed to a few bands set with stones. 

 

“They’re nice, but not really what I’m looking for. Thanks, anyway,” he said as he turned to walk away. 

 

“Wait, what about these?” Sarah asked as she pulled a small box out from under the counter. “They’re not actual wedding rings, but they match and . . .”

 

“They’re perfect,” Sam said as he looked down at the simple silver rings. He picked one up to look at it closely and noticed the Infinity sign that had been stamped on it. “Yeah, these are them,” he said as he slipped the ring on his finger. He liked the feel and look of the ring. “I’ll take them,” he said as he handed the ring back to Sarah, hoping they weren’t too expensive. He hadn’t even asked the cost. 

 

“Great, they’re on sale. We’ve had them for awhile. No one seemed to like them. I don’t know why, they’re really nice, and pure silver. So, with the sale, they’re only forty dollars.”

 

Sam breathed a sigh of relief. He had that in his pocket. He wouldn’t have to leave and dip into the money he had set aside from the past two weeks of working at his construction job. He handed the money to Sarah in exchange for the rings. “Thanks,” Sam said as he left the store.

 

“I hope your husband loves his ring,” Sarah called out as he left.

 

Sam patted the front pocket of his jeans with his right hand. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. They were just rings. Matching silver wedding bands as far as he was concened. With the Infinity sign. Meaning everlasting love. He paced the tiny kitchen area as he waited for Dean to get home. He heard the sound of Dean’s key sliding into the lock, but he forced himself to stay where he was. There was no telling how Dean would take his attempt at opening the door for him. He turned to face Dean, a dimpled smile on his face. “Hey,” he said as Dean entered the apartment.

 

“Hey,” Dean responded with a smile of his own. “Thank God today was slow for a Saturday. What did you do with your day off?”

 

“Nothing much, drove around town. Then I came back here and applied for a few jobs. Hopefully something will come from that,” Sam said. He pushed his hand into his pocket and brought out the rings. “I’ve got something for you,” he said and held out his hand as Dean stepped closer.

 

“What . . . are those . . .” Dean couldn’t form a complete sentence as he looked down at Sam’s open hand. The one holding rings. Matching rings. He finally tore his eyes away from Sam’s hand when he heard Sam asking him if he liked them. He nodded and held out his left hand on Sam’s demand. He watched as Sam slid the cool metal onto his ring finger. He looked at his finger, liking what he saw.

 

“It’s pure silver, and has the Infinity sign stamped on it,” Sam said as he went to place his on his own finger. He was stopped by Dean, who took the ring and began to work it on his finger. 

 

“So, it’s official,” Dean said quietly. 

 

“Yeah, official,” Sam said as he leaned down to brush his lips over Dean’s. “God, I want you. I want to make love to you.” Sam licked into Dean’s mouth, tasting him and moaned, wanting more. 

 

“Can’t,” Dean panted out and tried to pull away from Sam. 

 

“No, I know we can’t do that, but we can do something else. Shower. Gotta get you in the shower,” Sam groaned and licked into Dean’s mouth again before pulling away to drag Dean into the bathroom and stripping them both of their clothing. His eyes raked over Dean’s naked body, resting on the swell of Dean’s pregnant stomach. Dean had always been striking, but seeing Dean like this, carrying their child, had him wanting Dean like he never had before. 

 

“Sam,” Dean whined when Sam nipped at his neck. “Please, Sam . . .” 

 

Sam turned from Dean to turn on the shower, letting it warm up before he pulled Dean in with him. The shower wasn’t huge, but it had enough room to accommodate them both. He knew it had been too long since they had been physical together. It wouldn’t take them long before they were both coming, but he needed that skin to skin contact with Dean. He hoped Dean needed, wanted the same. They stood looking at each other, and he saw the blush on Dean’s cheeks and the heat in his eyes. Dean wanted this as much as he did. That was all he needed. “Turn around,” he rasped out, his voice low with desire. He pressed himself against Dean’s back, enjoying the feel of Dean’s body against his. He forced himself not to rut against Dean, but it was all he wanted to do. He wanted to be in the tight heat that was Dean, to feel Dean the way he had the night Dean had left him. He fought back against those feelings of hurt, needing to replace them with the love he was feeling for Dean, his husband. “You’re so fucking sexy. Gonna make you feel good,” he breathed against the shell of Dean’s ear.

 

Dean closed his eyes and moaned as he felt Sam’s larger, muscular body against his. He looked down only to see his swollen belly. He heard the words coming from Sam, that he was sexy. He hadn’t been feeling sexy until now. Maybe it was the husk of Sam’s voice, or the feel of Sam against his own skin but now he did. “Sam,” he breathed out, wanting more of everything Sam had to give him. He cracked an eye open as he felt Sam move against him and watched as Sam reached for the shampoo. He felt Sam begin to wash his hair and leaned back into those long and talented fingers digging into his scalp.

 

“Lean back,” Sam murmured to Dean, getting Dean under the water to rinse the soap out of his shortly cropped hair. He began to soap Dean’s back before reaching around with both hands to wash the the baby bump. He let his hand begin to trail down past Dean’s swollen belly to graze his fingers over Dean’s hard cock. “Put your hand on the wall to steady yourself,” he husked into Dean’s ear. 

 

Dean felt a shudder run through his body at the sound of Sam’s voice. He forced his body to move, to place an opened hand against the wall as Sam’s fingers circled around his throbbing cock. He let out a low, needy moan as Sam worked his fingers along his sensitive skin.

 

“Can’t fuck you, but I can do this for you.” He began to fist Dean’s cock, letting Dean’s hips buck against him. His fingers glided over the wet skin, tugging and pulling to bring Dean to release. “Gonna come for me, my husband?” he rasped out as he fought against the desire to just take Dean, despite the risk to his health. He pressed his throbbing cock against Dean’s body, searching for any friction that he could get for himself as he sped up his efforts for Dean. 

 

Dean threw his head back as his orgasm built. He had missed Sam’s touch against his skin. He had missed how Sam had made him feel. He had just missed Sam. “Gonna, come. Can’t hold back,” he rasped out. Dean turned his head, searching for Sam’s lips as he was hit with his orgasm. He cried out, only for Sam to muffle his cry with Sam’s lips against his. 

 

“Don’t. Don’t hold back, let yourself go. I’ve got you,” Sam responded and was rewarded with feeling Dean spill over his hand. He worked Dean through his orgasm as he, himself came, painting Dean’s body with his on release, marking Dean as his. Despite feeling boneless, he forced his body to work; needing to clean them up and get Dean out of the shower. He stepped out of the shower and grabbed one of the towels to dry Dean with and then slung one low around his hips. He helped Dean into his sweatpants and t-shirt and over to the bed. He watched as Dean got comfortable on the bed, propping several pillows under him to support his back before pulling on a pair of sleep pants and crawling in next to him.

 

“I love you,” Dean said sleepily, a soft smile on his face as he drifted off to sleep. 

 

“I love you too,” Sam said quietly as he placed his left hand on Dean’s, entwining their fingers together, feeling their rings against his flesh. It wasn’t long before he succumbed to sleep.

 

Sam heard the soft pinging of his email as he made breakfast for Dean. He turned from the stove to pull up his email. A smile appeared on his face as he read it. There had been one response to a job application he had filled out online for the local hospital. If things went well, which he hoped they would, he would be able to work a desk job rather than a construction job. He replied to the request for an interview and was surprised when he received a response stating the person was in and able to meet with him at two that afternoon. He sent a confirmation for the interview and hoped for the best. He looked up from his laptop as Dean shuffled, bleary eyed, into the kitchen. “Morning,” Sam said as he turned back around to finish making Dean’s toast - one of the only things Dean craved and ate every day. He placed Dean’s plate down on the table as he finished making himself an omelette. 

 

“Thanks,” Dean said as he sat down to eat. He looked over at Sam who was eating his breakfast. “What?” he questioned, seeing the slight smile on Sam’s face. 

 

“I have an interview, today. It’s for the hospital. It may be nothing, but it’s a start,” he offered. 

 

“When today?” Dean inquired.

 

“Two.” 

 

“That’s awesome. You’ll get the job.”

 

“I hope so,” Sam responded quietly as he finished eating. “You done?” Sam asked as he eyed Dean’s empty plate. There were days when Dean ate and was full and then there were days when he wanted more. Today was a day when Dean was full after eating only two slices of toast. Sam cleared away Dean’s plate after Dean had pushed it toward him. “So, movie and relaxation until I need to get ready to leave?”

 

“Yeah, sounds like a plan,” Dean said as he pushed himself up and walked over to the glider. He tiredly lowered himself down and then waited for Sam to join him. They picked a movie and Dean found his eyes growing heavy halfway through it. He yawned and turned to face Sam. “Wake me before you leave,” he said sleepily, knowing there was no way he was going to remain awake to finish watching the movie. He heard Sam’s ‘okay’ as he drifted off.

 

Sam looked over at Dean’s sleeping form and smiled. He turned off the movie and got up to look over the job posting again. It was right up his alley, he had all the required skills, just not the actual college education to back it up. But, he was confident that his forgery skills would pass any scrutiny. Looking at the time, he disappeared into the bedroom to get dressed. At least the suits they used to pose as FBI agents would come in handy, he mused to himself as he dressed. When he returned to the living room, he smiled at Dean. He didn’t want to wake him, but he knew Dean would be pissed at him if he left without a word. He leaned down and brushed his lips against Dean’s forehead. “Dean, I’m leaving for the interview.”

 

Dean stirred in the glider. “Hmn?” He forced himself to open his eyes and looked up into Sam’s hazel ones. “Leaving?” he asked as he took in Sam’s body dressed in a suit. “Take the Impala, for luck,” he murmured before closing his eyes. 

 

Sam chuckled at hearing that. Before, Dean would never have allowed him to just take the Impala, or even drive for that matter. But, he wasn’t about to argue with his pregnant husband. He grabbed the keys from the clip they were hanging from by the door and quietly left the apartment. He drove the forty minutes to the hospital, found a parking space and hoped for the best. An hour later, Sam was walking out of the hospital, on the way to the Impala with a wide grin on his face. He had been offered the IT job with the hospital, full benefits and a great starting pay. He had accepted on the spot. As of tomorrow, he would be employed by  _ Jefferson Heathcare Hospital _ . He would also be able to work from home at least two days a week after his probationary period of thirty days was over. He couldn’t wipe the grin off his face as he drove home. He pulled into the driveway and was stopped by Kim.

 

“Hey, Sam. I was just coming to find you and Dean.”

 

“Everything alright?” 

 

“Yeah, I just need to talk to you two about something.” She saw the look of concern on Sam’s face as she raised her hands and waved at him. “No, nothing bad,” she said with a sheepish smile. “Can you guys come over in about thirty minutes?” she asked and then took a look at Sam. “Hey, what’s with the suit?”

 

“Job interview. Yeah, let me change and get Dean. We’ll be over,” he said over his shoulder as he disappeared inside the garage and climbed the stairs to the apartment. He walked in to find Dean pacing the kitchen floor. “You okay?” Sam asked, his voice laced with concern at seeing Dean like that.

 

“Was getting worried. I couldn’t sit,” Dean said as Sam pulled him into a kiss. “How did go?” Dean inquired. 


	10. Unexpected Opportunity

 

 

Sam couldn’t help the dimpled grin he gave Dean. “I got the job. I start tomorrow at  _ Jefferson Heathcare Hospital  _ as their new IT guy. After my probationary period is up, I can even opt to work from home fort two days a week. The pay is great and so are the benefits. I can provide for us, for our little family,” he said as he placed a hand on Dean’s belly. 

 

“That’s awesome,” Dean breathed out, not bothering to hide his happiness as he gave Sam another kiss. 

 

“Hey, I saw Kim as I was pulling up,” Sam said as he pulled away from Dean. “She wants us to come over. She wants to talk to us,” he said as he headed into the bedroom to strip off his suit and change into jeans and a flannel shirt. 

 

“About what?” Dean questioned as he stood in the doorway, watching Sam change. He looked down at himself in his t-shirt and sweatpants, wondering if he should change. Then again, change into what, his mind supplied for him. Almost everything was tight on him. He was huge as far as his opinion was toward his own body. He let the thought of changing his clothes go, just the effort to get his feet into his sneakers tired him, getting changed would only wear him out. 

 

“Don’t know,” Sam said as he buttoned his shirt. “But, let’s go find out.” He waited for Dean to move to get his sneakers. “Need any help? Did you eat while I was gone?”

 

“Yes, to both,” Dean huffed out as he sat to slip his socked feet in to his sneakers. He watched as Sam tied his sneakers for him and then took Sam’s offered hands to stand. He quietly followed Sam down the steps, knowing Sam preferred to go first in case he lost his balance and needed Sam to stop him from falling. It had nearly happened twice now with the size of his pregnant belly. They held hands on the short walk across the driveway to Kim’s. Dean reached out with his free hand and knocked on the door. A few minutes later, Kim appeared at the door.

 

“Come on in,” she said as she ushered them in. “Can I get you anything?” she asked as she looked at Dean. “You look like you need to sit down. Go into the living room, you know where it is,” she said as she closed the door. 

 

Dean lead Sam through the kitchen into the living room and sat on the couch next to each other. They exchanged curious glances, but remained silent. 

 

“Okay,” Kim said as she joined them. “You’re probably wondering why I wanted to talk to you both.” She looked at two sets of wide eyes staring back at her and gave them a reassuring smile. “I have an offer to make to you both. I want you to move out of the apartment . . .”

 

“What?” Dean asked in a strangled voice. Kim wanted them to move? Where would they go on such short notice. 

 

“Kim is this about what we told you, about us?” Sam asked as he swiped a hand over himself and Dean.

 

“No! God, no. What I mean is, I want you to move in here. I’ll move into the apartment.” She held up a hand as she saw Dean and Sam start to protest. “It’s just too big for me. But, it’s perfect for you two. Plus, I’d like to see Levi grow up there.” She gave them a hard stare. “Just say yes already!” 

 

Dean looked at Sam. He could see the surprise on Sam’s face, knew it was the same look on his face. “What do you want to do? We know we have to move. We can’t stay where we are, not with the baby.”

 

“It’s up to you. I know you love it here. Would you be happy living here?”

 

Dean nodded. “Yes,” he said quietly. 

 

“Good, then it’s settled. I’ve already got most of my stuff packed. Aside from the stuff for Levi, there’s not much to move in the apartment. But, I’ve got the crew from the diner on standby to help out. We can make the switch whenever you’re ready. The sooner the better, that way you can bring Levi home after you give birth,” Kim said as she grabbed her phone.

 

“Wait!” Sam said as he started to stand. “I can’t do anything until the weekend. I start my new job tomorrow.”

 

“New job? Why didn’t you say something? That’s great.” Kim hugged Sam and then Dean. “You must be so happy. But, you don’t need to be here. We’ve got it covered. You’ll be fully moved in by the weekend,” she said as she dialed a number. “Ty, it’s a go. Call the rest of the crew. We’ll start tomorrow.” She turned backed to Sam and Dean, a cheshire grin on her face. “There, now why don’t you two go home, get things settled.” She walked the two dazed men out of their home to be and watched as they made their way back to the apartment. She walked back to her office and pulled out the paperwork to the house and the diner. She had left out the part about making Dean a partner. She would spring that on him when they signed the deed to the house, taking it out of her name and putting it in Dean and Sam’s. She had finally found someone she had wanted to leave what she had worked so hard for to. She still had a long life ahead of her, but she wanted to know that what she had built with and without Travis would be taken care of, loved, and she knew Dean was the person who would do that.

 

With Sam’s help, Dean climbed the stairs to the apartment. He situated himself in the glider and then kicked off his shoes. He watched as Sam moved them out of the way and then grabbed one of the kitchen chairs, turned it around and stradled it. “So, that just happened,” Dean said in disbelief. “We wanted a bigger place. I guess we got it.”

 

Sam chuckled. “You didn’t make any deals with a Crossroads Demon, did you?” Sam flashed Dean a dimpled smile to let him know he was only kidding with him. 

 

Dean rubbed his belly and narrowed his eyes at Sam. “As a matter of fact, I did just that. And then I promised Rumpelstiltskin our first born, so don’t get too attached to Levi,” Dean said and then tossed his head back and laughed.

 

“You’re such a jerk,” Sam grumbled as he walked into their bedroom.

 

“Yeah and you can be a bitch. Guess we’re even,” Dean shot back. He could hear Sam moving things around in the bedroom. “What are you doing?” 

 

“Starting to pack things up. Kim’s right, we don’t have a lot, but you’re not gonna do anything except relax. And don’t give me any of your shit. You’re close to giving birth and I’m not gonna let you risk your health or Levi’s.” Sam poked his head out to see Dean rolling his eyes. “Roll those beautiful eyes all you want at me. I can still counter back with a bitchface,” Sam said as he crossed the room to the small kitchen, opening a few drawers until he found what he was looking for, a screwdriver. He pointed it at Dean as he walked by him. “I’m serious. Don’t try doing any packing behind my back. I’ll call Kim and Misha on you,” he said as he disappeared again. 

 

“Fine!” Dean called back and settled further into the glider. He heard banging coming from the bedroom and sat up. “Now what are you doing?”

 

“Breaking down the crib. It can’t be moved out the way it was,” Sam called back to Dean. 

 

“Okay, be careful,” Dean said as he began to drift off to sleep. 

 

When Sam was done, he walked out to find Dean asleep in the glider. He rummaged through the fridge for something to eat. He made sandwiches for himself and Dean in case he was hungry when Dean woke. When he was finished he looked over at Dean, debating on whether or not to wake him. In the end, he opted for covering Dean with a blanket, letting Dean sleep where he was. It wasn’t worth the effort it would take to wake Dean from the comfortable position he was in and get him to bed. He knew, as much as he wanted to sleep with Dean next to him, Dean would only be uncomfortable all night as he lay in their bed. He brushed his lips over Dean’s forehead and went to lay down. He was tired and he knew he would be able to fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow and he needed to be up and ready early for his new job.

 

The next week flew by for Sam and Dean. Sam was learning how to run the Information Technology Department for the hospital. He was there early in the morning after making sure Dean had everything he needed for the day. He had hoped he would be able to go home for lunch, but hadn’t been able to since the drive was nearly an hour one with traffic. So, he settled for calling Dean while he ate. Being the department head, he oversaw the four other employees as well as the hospital’s computer network and telephone system. His first project was to revamp the hospital’s website, makinging it user friendly and more inviting for people to look at. He was pretty happy with what he had created and his boss had been thrilled when he had shown her the first workup on it.

 

Dean had scaled back his work at the diner. He just couldn’t stand on his feet the way he had been. Now that he was nearly nine months along, he couldn’t find a comfortable position to stay in long enough to sit at the counter and work the register. He had opted for working on Mondays and Thursdays. This gave him time to rest in between the two eight hour shifts. He knew he’d have to figure something out once Levi was born, but he’d deal with that afterward. With Sam now at his new job, and having five days off, he had plenty of time on his hands. He thought he’d be bored. But, this week had been filled with people being in and out of the apartment moving what little he and Sam had into Kim’s house and bringing her things into the apartment. 

 

“Christ Dean, what the hell do you have in this trunk?” Ty called from the bedroom. 

 

“Dead bodies,” Dean deadpanned as Ty pushed it out of the room. He looked at the trunk and smiled. It held his and Sam’s hunting weapons. Even though they were out of the hunting business, they hadn’t gotten rid of their weapons. They never would. There would always be a supernatural threat to their family, even though they had officially retired from the family business. Dean pushed himself from his glider and followed Ty down the stairs and out of the garage to his new home. 

 

“Where do you want this freakin’ thing?” Ty huffed out as he pushed it through the back door.

 

“Upstairs in the master bedroom. I like to keep the bones of my enemies close to me,” Dean said and laughed at his own joke. 

 

“Whatever,” Ty shot back as he dragged the trunk up the stairs. “I’ll get the glider next, so just stay put,” Ty called. 

 

Dean heard movement and looked up to see Ty coming back down the stairs. “Thanks for doing this. I know you didn’t have to. Probably didn’t want to. But, it means a lot to me and Sam that you and everyone else from the diner has taken the time to help us out.”

 

“Don’t sweat it,” Ty said as he passed by Dean. “The nursery looks great, by the way.”

 

“Thanks, Felicia was here yesterday, she set everything up for me. It’s nice to know that the room is ready for Levi. Osric was here the day before moving the rest of our clothes and stuff and helping Kim move her stuff over. When Sam gets home at night, he’s been doing what he can to help out.”

 

“Bet it’s been strange living in both places. But, it’s almost over. Where do you want the glider when I bring it over?”

 

“In the living room. I’m staying on the first floor until Levi is born. The stairs are getting to be too much to navigate. At least it’s Friday and Sam will be here for the doctor’s appointment and then we have the weekend to relax,” Dean said with a smile on his face.

 

“Good, you need it,” Ty called as he left to get the glider and footrest. He returned a few minutes later carrying in the glider.

 

“What, couldn’t carry both together?” Dean quipped.

 

“No, thought I’d give him a hand,” Sam’s voice called from the kitchen as he carried the footrest in. 

 

“You’re home early,” Dean said.

 

“Well, that’s my cue to leave,” Ty said as he set the glider down in the living room. “I’ll catch you guys later.” Ty offered a handshake to Sam and then hugged Dean. “I wish you two nothing but happiness,” he said before leaving Sam and Dean in the living room. 

 

“So, Kim called. We need to sign some papers for the house. She asked if I could come home a little early to do that. I didn’t take a lunch today so I could be here and then take you to the doctor’s appointment.”

 

“I saw Kim earlier and she didn’t say anything.” Dean cocked his head to the side, brows furrowed as he thought over the brief conversation he had with Kim. She had asked about his next doctor’s appointment and how Sam was liking his new job. But, she had never mentioned anything about wanting to meet with them that night. 

 

Sam shrugged, “Don’t know.” 

 

A knock at the back door stopped any further conversation as Sam went to answer the door. He returned with Kim following him. 

 

“Hey, Dean, how ya doin’?” she asked as she gave him a quick hug. “I have some papers that need to be signed.”

 

“What papers?” Dean questioned.

 

“Well, it’s so I can transfer the deed to the house over to you and also to make you a partner at the diner.” She looked at Dean and then Sam. They both looked at her with open mouthed surprised looks on their faces. “I know it’s shocking and kind of sudden. But, I need to know that this place and the diner will be taken care of if something happens to me. I’m not sick or planning on pulling up stakes, but I like to plan ahead. So, what do you say?” she asked as she handed Dean the papers. 

 

“Are you sure about this? I mean you’re sure you want me as a partner at the diner or that you want to essentially give us the house? Don’t you have family you want to give this to instead of me, us?” Dean asked as he waved a hand over himself and then Sam.

 

“No, it’s you and Sam. You’re my family. So is everyone at the diner. But you, Dean Winchester, you are the one I want to share this with.” Kim rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet as she looked at Dean. “I told you when you first asked me why I was willing to help you out. Everyone needs a break, someone to help them out. For you, that’s me. The deed puts your and Sam’s name on the house along with mine. The house is fully paid for. I made sure of that after Travis died. I never wanted to have to worry that anything could happen, that my home could be taken away from me. The other one, makes you my partner in the diner. You’ll still work there, I don’t want to make any changes to the place. But, your paycheck will be a lot better than what it’s been. It’s up to you. No hard feelings if that’s not what you want. We can work something else out. We’ll do whatever makes you comfortable. I just want to see you happy. I want to see Levi grow up here. This house needs a kid.”

 

Dean surged forward and hugged Kim. “Yes, I’ll sign. Thank you,” he said as he pulled back from Kim. “The way we grew up, we moved from place to place. Never stayed long enough to put down roots. Never really trusted people because we never got to know them.” Dean glanced over at Sam. “Are you okay with this?” He chewed on his bottom lip. Maybe this was something Sam didn’t want. He hadn’t thought of that in his enthusiasm. 

 

“Of course I am. You’re happy here. I haven’t seen that in, hell, I have no idea. If you’re sure and Kim’s sure, then go for it.” Sam stepped forward and rubbed a soothing pattern on Dean’s back, letting Dean know his words were sincere. He would do anything to make Dean happy. “Why don’t you sign the papers on the kitchen table, that way you don’t have to hunch forward over the coffee table,” Sam offered as he helped Dean into the kitchen. These days, Dean walking in a straight line was precarious. 

 

Kim placed the papers on the table and began to sign them, indicating where Sam and Dean needed to sign on the documents pertaining to the house. She gave one set to Sam. “These are yours for the house. I’ll file my copy with the bank, making this official, only with these, once they’re signed,” she said as she tapped her pen on the other set of papers for the diner. She bent down to sign the last of the papers before sliding them to Dean, showing him where to sign. “These are yours,” she said as she handed a set of documents to Dean. “You’re now a partner in the diner.”

 

“Don’t say anything,” Dean said quietly. “I mean, I don’t want things at the diner to change. I don’t want the crew treating me differently. After Levi’s born and I come back, we’ll figure it all out. I just want things to stay the same, you as the owner.”

 

“Sure Dean, whatever you want. We can worry about that later.” Kim nodded her head and gave him a smile. “I’m gonna get going. You have an appointment with Misha in a little while. Keep me posted,” she said as she left them to stand in their home.

 

“Kim,” Sam called out and jogged out after her. 

 

Kim turned to him and was surprised when she found herself wrapped in a hug given by Sam. 

 

“Thank you. Thank you for taking care of Dean when I wasn’t here, when he needed someone to lean on. Thank you for not judging us once you knew the truth. Thank you for making him happy and giving him a place to finally call home. We . . . we never got that as kids and he will never admit it, but it always tore him up inside.” Sam stepped back and ran his hands through his hair. He gave her a dimpled smile.

 

Kim saw the flash of silver on Sam’s left ring finger. “So, you did it. You got rings.”

 

“Yeah, I needed Dean to know that I’m not going anywhere. He’s it for me. Always has been, even before . . .” Sam nodded to himself. “I’ve loved him since I was able to understand what love was.”

 

“He was hurting pretty badly when he showed up here. I could tell his heart belonged to someone, that he wasn’t whole. Even though he was happy to be pregnant. He missed you. I could see it in his eyes, the way he would stare off like he was looking for something, or someone. He loves you. He deserves to be happy. You both do,” Kim said as she stood on her toes to give Sam a peck on the cheek before turning away and going into what was now her apartment.

 

Sam turned and walked back into the kitchen, only to stop and stare at the sight before him. Dean was standing at the kitchen table, staring down at the puddle protruding from around his feet. “Dean,” Sam said in a whisper.

 

“I don’t think we need the checkup. My water broke.” Dean looked up at Sam, his green eyes wide in fear. “Levi’s coming.”

 

“I’ll call Misha, time your contractions,” Sam said as he dug out his phone. He dialed the clinic’s number and waited for the call to be picked up. “This is Sam Winchester, Dean’s husband. I need to speak with Dr. Collins. No, Dean’s water just broke.” He listened as the called was placed on hold. He paced as he waited. He looked at Dean who was holding onto the table and realized he was standing in a puddle of water. He grabbed the dish towel that was hanging off the stove handle and began to mop up the fluid. “Do you need to sit?” he asked Dean who only shook his head no. “Dr Collins, it’s Sam. Dean’s water broke. No, it’s been about what five minutes, no more than ten,” he said as he looked at Dean. Dean just shook his head yes. “Yeah we’re timing the contractions.” Sam looked at Dean who shook his head no. “No, he hasn’t had one, yet. Yeah, okay. We’re on our way.” Sam ended the call and looked at Dean. “I’m gonna get your hospital bag. I placed it in the hall closet so I would know where it was. I’m also gonna get you a change of clothes. Then we’re gonna head to the hospital. Okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Dean said, non-committedly. He was having a hard time wrapping his mind around the fact that his water had broke. He was going to give birth to their child. Levi would be here soon. He wasn’t ready. He had at least another two weeks before his due date. He looked at Sam. “Sam, I’m scared. I’m not ready. What if . . . what if I’m just like Dad? What if I fuck this up?”

 

“A little late to think of that now,” Sam said, trying to break the tension he could feel rolling off of Dean. He reached out and drew Dean to him. “You’re gonna be great. You raised me, not Dad. Plus, we’re in this together. I’m gonna be here with you every step of the way. The ring on your finger guarantees it.” He pulled back and left to take care of the things he needed to. He returned a few minutes later, changed into jeans and a Henley. “Okay, got your bag. Now, let’s get you dry and changed. Then we’ll head out.” He helped Dean to sit so he could take off the wet socks and then stripped Dean of his wet clothing, tossing it onto the floor to worry about later. He helped Dean put on dry clothes and then his sneakers before leading him out to the Impala. 


	11. Into This Word

 

 

They made the forty minute drive to the hospital in twenty. Everytime Dean shifted uncomfortably in the passenger’s seat, winced in pain or grunted, Sam found his foot pressing down harder on the gas pedal. Sam knew he had broken every traffic law getting them there, but he didn’t care. He just had to get Dean to the hospital as soon as possible. He wanted Dean and Levi cared for. Once they were in the hospital, they were guided to the maternity ward where they were met by Misha as they were brought into a birthing unit.

 

“Well, this is it,” Misha said as he greeted them. “How are you doing Dean?”

 

“How am I doing?” Dean asked in disbelief. “I’m in fucking pain. I want this kid outta me, now. Or give me some really good drugs. Or better yet, both!” Dean yelled as a contraction hit him. 

 

“We’ll make you as comfortable as possible,” a nurse said as she appeared by Dean’s side, helping him out of his clothes and into a hospital gown. “Think you can get on the bed by yourself or do you need some help?”

 

“Help,” Dean gritted out between clenched teeth. He felt hands guiding him to the bed and then he was being helped onto the bed as pillows were placed under his head and back and blankets were placed on him, keeping him warm.

 

“You’ll feel a slight pinch in a minute. I’m just going to start your IV so we can get fluids into you and help with the pain.” The nurse went quiet as she did what she told him she needed to do.

 

“Dean, I need to examine you to see how far along you are. How the birthing hole has formed. Then we can go from there.” Misha stood at the end of the bed. He placed his hands on Dean’s legs, helping Dean to get into the stirrups. He heard Dean grunt in pain as he began to examine Dean. “Well, we have good news and bad news.”

 

“What?” Dean panted out. 

 

“The birthing hole is fully formed. That’s the good news. The bad news is, we’ve missed the window of opportunity for an epidural. We’ll give you something through the IV to cut down the pain, but that’s the best I can offer, I’m afraid.” Misha turned to one of the nurses and uttered something to her.       

 

“Fuck!” Dean yelled as another contraction racked his body with pain. He felt his stomach cramping and the need to push. He felt sweat beading on his skin and running into his eyes. He lifted his hand, the one without the IV to wipe at his face. 

 

“Here, I got it,” Sam murmured as he wiped Dean’s face with a cool washcloth. “What can I do?” he asked to Misha and Dean. 

 

“Hold my hand, can’t do this without you,” Dean rasped out. “Oh, God, this hurts. I need to push.”

 

Misha looked up from his position between Dean’s open legs. “Okay, go ahead and push on the next contraction.”

 

Needing no other words of encouragement, when the next contraction hit, Dean pushed with all his might, trying to expel Levi from his body with the first push. He leaned his head back and grunted in pain. 

 

“Okay, again,” Misha called out. “Keep pushing with each contraction, until I tell you to stop.”

 

Dean did, with each contraction he felt, he pushed, trying to help their son into the world. 

 

“Okay Dean, I can see his head. He’s crowning. Give another push,” Misha said with enthusiasm.

 

Dean stared at the doctor for a minute trying to decide if he should push out the baby or kick Misha in the head. The need to birth Levi won out over the desire to kick. With the next contraction he pushed again and felt a popping sensation as Levi’s head emerged from his body. 

 

“Stop, Dean,” Misha said. “He needs a little help, the umbilical cord is around his throat.” 

 

Dean felt a chill of fear run through his body. He looked up at Sam, mouth open, but unable to say anything. Sam returned the look, one of fear at the thought that their child was in distress. 

 

Hearing those words from Misha, Sam went ridgid. Their child . . . He looked at Dean. He saw the fear in Dean’s eyes and he snapped back into focus. “It’s okay, Dean. Misha’s gonna fix it. Levi’s gonna be alright.” He gave Dean’s hand a squeeze, trying to reassure Dean that his words were true. 

 

“Okay, give a small push,” Misha said as he tried to work his fingers around the baby’s protruding head. “That’s it, easy, easy. Almost got it,” he said as he worked the umbilical cord from around the baby’s throat. “Okay, the cord’s free. Go ahead and push. This is the hard part, his shoulders.”

 

“Hard part?” Dean panted out as he pushed, feeling as if a basketball was being pushed from his body and not an actual baby. Suddenly, the pain was gone. Yet, he didn’t hear anything. Why? Why wasn’t Levi crying. He felt his heart stop. Was their child . . . He looked up at Sam. “Sam?” he questioned, his voice sounding frightened even to his own ears. 

 

“Misha,” Sam said, trying to keep his composure. He knew what was going through Dean’s head. It was the same thing going through his. Why wasn’t Levi crying? Had they come this far only to lose their child?

 

A shrill cry cut through the room. “That gentlemen, is the sound of your son,” Misha chuckled out. “Let me clamp off the umbilical cord. Then Sam can cut the cord.” He worked at getting that taken care of and handing the baby to one of the nurses. “Okay, last part, passing the umbilical cord. Then, you can hold your son.” 

 

Sam leaned down and kissed Dean’s sweat streaked forehead. 

 

Dean looked up at him. “Go make sure he’s okay. Please,” Dean whispered.

 

Sam let go of Dean’s hand and walked over to the table the nurse had Levi on. He looked down at the baby. His son. He felt pride well up in his chest. “Dean, he’s perfect,” he said, hearing the awe in his voice. He took the offered pair of scissors and followed the directions the nurse was giving him to cut the umbilical cord. “Ten fingers and ten toes,” he called to Dean. His head snapped up when he heard Dean grunt in pain. “Dean?”

 

“Okay, we’re done here.” Misha pushed back from the edge of the bed. “Dean, you did great. You’re going to be sore and tired. What you did, was amazing, and tiring, bringing a new life into this world. I want you to take it easy. Sleep. Levi is in good hands here. The staff is fantastic. The nurse will help get you cleaned up and then you can hold Levi,” Misha said as he patted Dean’s hand. He turned and walked over to where Levi was. “How’s he doing?” As if on cue, Levi let out a plaintiff wail. 

 

“He’s good.” The nurse backed away giving Misha room to look over the baby. He smiled and clapped Sam on the back. “Congratulations to you both,” Misha said. “If you need anything don’t hesitate to call me. I think, If everything goes well, Dean and Levi can leave in about twenty-four hours. But, I’ll be by to check on them both,” he said as he left the room.

 

The nurse returned, washed and then diapered Levi. She went over both steps as well as how to swaddle him, before handing him to Sam. Sam looked at the small bundle in his arms. This was his child, his and Dean’s. He lightly brushed his lips against the baby’s forehead. “Hi Levi, I’m your Papa, welcome to the world.” He turned to Dean who was now reclined in the bed, having been helped by the nurses after giving birth to their miracle. Sam slowly walked over to Dean and handed him their son. “Someone’s been waiting a long time to meet you. This is your Daddy.”

 

Dean sat holding his child, staring in awe at the tiny being in his arms. He nuzzled at Levi’s cheek, breathing in the scent of their child, his and Sam’s. He looked up at Sam, he felt so much love at that moment, like his heart was going to burst with happiness. “Hi Levi.” He had no words to express what he was feeling. He just knew that he was finally content, all the missing pieces of his life had finally been found and put together. 

 

“Smile,” Sam said as he took several pictures of Dean holding Levi. 

 

“Sam, we need some of you with Levi,” Dean said as he offered Levi to him in trade of the cell phone. From his bed, he snapped several of Sam holding Levi. 

 

A knock at the door stopped him from taking more as one of the nurses pushed it open to check on them. “I’ve got a bottle for the little one,” she said as she entered the room and placed it on the tray next to Dean’s bed. “Can I get you anything?”

 

“Could you take a few pictures of the three of us?” Dean asked. The nurse nodded with a smile and took the phone from him while Sam joined him on the bed, placing Levi back in his arms. They smiled while she took several pictures of them. “Anything else I can help you with? Feeding this little one?” she asked as Levi began to fuss.

 

“No, I’ve got it,” Dean said as he accepted the bottle she had brought with her. While his body was able to carry their child, it couldn’t produce milk to feed him. He placed the nipple to Levi’s lips and watched as Levi latched on, greedily sucking down the formula. 

 

“Let me know if you need anything else,” she said as she left.

 

Dean only nodded at her, not paying attention to anything but Levi at the moment. He wasn’t even aware of Sam making a phone call until he heard Sam’s voice.

 

“Kim, it’s Sam. I just wanted to let you know that Dean gave birth. Levi is here, he’s healthy and perfect.” He looked over at Dean. “No Dean’s good. Tired, but happy. Yeah, tell the others. No I want Dean to rest. We’ll be home in a day or two, then we’ll let everyone know when they can come over and meet the newest addition to the family.” Sam went silent as Kim said something to him. “Hold on, I’ll see if Dean wants to talk.” He put the phone on speaker. “Okay, you’re on speaker.

 

“Dean?” Kim’s voice rang out through the air.

 

“Yeah, Kim.”

 

“You doin’ okay?”

 

“I’m good, tired like Sam said. I’m feeding Levi and then I’m gonna take a nap.”

 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come to the hospital?” 

 

He gave a little laugh, hearing Kim’s concern, knowing how anxious she was to get her hands on his and Sam’s little boy.

 

“I promise, Kim, no one will get to hold him before you do,” 

 

“Fine,” Kim said sullenly. “I’m happy for you. Congratulations to you both. I love you, all three of you.”

 

“We love you too. Sam will call you tomorrow with an update,” Dean said and then turned his attention back to Levi.

 

Sam turned the speaker off. “Okay, you heard him yourself. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Sam ended the call with a chuckle. “That woman is protective of you and Levi.”

 

“Hmn?” Dean asked in a sleepy voice. 

 

“Nothing, get some rest,” Sam said as he settled down into a comfortable chair next to Dean’s bed. He’d watch over his husband and son until it was time to take them home. He waited until Dean was asleep before picking up Levi and placing him in the crib that had been brought in earlier. He placed the crib between himself and the bed, this way, Dean would be able to see their son when he woke. 

 

Dean woke to find Levi had been placed in the crib next to his bed. He saw Sam sitting in the chair, blocking anyone from getting to him or Levi and smiled. “Hey,” he said softly as Sam’s eyes met his. “Did you get any sleep?” 

 

“Some,” Sam said. “I’ll sleep when we’re outta here. The nurse checked on you and Levi a little while ago. I gave him a bottle and changed him. Misha should be around shortly to check in on you. I’m hoping he’ll give us the green light to go.”

 

Dean nodded his head. They both hated hospitals, too many bad memories, too many loved ones lost in them. Not to mention the fact that they were hard to defend. A knock at the door pulled him from his memories. He looked up to see Misha entering. 

 

“Well hello there,” Misha said as he approached them. “I heard you all made it through the night, no complications. I think you can go home, if you’re ready.”

 

“We’re ready,” Sam and Dean said in unisom.

 

“Let me work on your discharge papers. I’ll send one of the nurses in to help you get ready.” Misha left, only to be replaced by a nurse who came bustling into the room. 

 

“Let’s get you up and dressed,” she said as she walked in. “I’ve called for transport. That takes forever. Now, where are your clothes and the clothes for the baby?” 

 

Sam lifted Dean’s bag onto the bed and opened it, taking out clothes for Dean and Levi. “I’ll help my husband, if you want to change Levi,” Sam offered. The nursed nodded and started getting Levi ready for his trip home while Sam helped Dean up and into clothes that were a little baggy on him. “Guess we’ll have to see about getting you something smaller when we get home.”

 

“Yeah,” Dean agreed, just wanting to get out of the hospital and home. He sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for the go ahead to leave.

 

“I’ll go check on those papers and transport,” the nurse said as she left the room. A few minutes later she was back waving the papers as an orderly followed behind her pushing a wheelchair. The next ten minutes were filled with going over the paperwork, outlining what to look for in case of complications for Dean after giving birth and care of Levi. Then the nurse went over the follow up appointment that had been made with Dr. Collins for Dean and the appointment with the local pediatrician for Levi. “Okay sign here, and you’re free to go,” the nurse said as she handed Dean a pen. Sam was given a copy of the paperwork, while Dean was helped into the wheelchair before finally being given Levi to take home. 

 

Sam only left Dean’s side long enough to pull the Impala around to the front entrance. He took Levi from him and placed the sleeping child into the car seat. He started to open the passenger’s side door, but Dean stopped him. 

 

“I’m gonna stay with Levi,” Dean murmured as he settled himself next to the carseat in the backseat. 

 

Sam gave Dean a soft smile and then slid in behind the wheel of the car. The ride home took nearly an hour. Sam wasn’t willing to risk the safety of his family and the motion of the car had rocked Dean to sleep. He pulled the Impala into the driveway and was met by Kim as he pulled Dean’s bag out of the car. He raised a finger to his lips. “They’re asleep. I just didn’t want you to startle them awake.”

 

Kim nodded and peered into the back seat. She turned and grabbed onto Sam’s arm. “He’s beautiful. Dean’s not too bad and neither are you,” she chuckled quietly. “Call me later so I can see them,” she said as she disappeared into the garage.

 

Sam opened the back door and reached in, gently shaking Dean awake. Dean’s head popped up and he looked around, confused as to where he was at first. “We’re home,” Sam said in a quiet voice as he took Levi out of the carseat holding him until Dean was ready to take him.

 

Dean got out and stretched. He winced at the pull of his muscles, remembering that he was still healing from giving birth. Sam offered him Levi and he accepted the baby with a smile. He followed Sam to the back door and waited while Sam unlocked the door. He stepped over the threshold, carrying their child in his arms. He looked at Sam and then down at Levi. He had Sam, he had their son and a home. “Welcome home, Levi.”      

 

**Three Months Later:**

 

Sam was still working for the hospital. He had even been hired by Misha’s clinic to oversee their IT issues. They were basically nonexistent, but he enjoyed the work. The work he did for the clinic, he did from home while Levi slept at night. He had Dean and their son. There was nothing else in the world that mattered to him more. 

 

Dean had returned to work at the diner, working three days a week. He hated being away from Levi, but he needed adult contact more than just being with Sam. Two of the days he was at work were the days Sam worked from home. The third day, Kim or Felicia came by and spent the day with the rolli polli three month old. 

 

Dean was happy, he had his family and his life was complete. 

 

He was Dean Winchester; son, brother, hunter, lover, husband and now father. 

 

 


End file.
